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Weary mom has had enough
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 626519" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Wow. I'm so sorry for all your sorrow. I wish you had found us before.</p><p></p><p>Can you share more of her story with us? Why is she still living at home? Do you still support her or pay for her stuff? She has to at least be 25 and should be doing that herself and may not grow up if she doesn't. Any drug use? Do you allow her to go out while you babysit for her baby? Do you have any life at all beyond taking care of this adult? Your husband as every right to be furious at her. How dare she stick him with all that money, not pay it back, and (I assume) still live at home where she gets food, warm bedding and internet? Maybe cell phone on your dime? REALLY? I don't know if your husband is her father or not. If he isn't, it's amazing he hasn't left the situation completely. If he isn't...where is dad, not that it matter anyway...whatever is going on with her, SHE has to deal with it now. She is a woman now, whether s he likes it or not. She is not that cute little kid you used to laugh with. She is all grown up.</p><p></p><p>Maybe she called you her best friend six weeks ago because you bought her something or gave her money. Sadly our difficult children do not like being forced to grow up and if we dare to cut off the money supply at all OR if we tell them they have to find a place to live and, worse yet, get a job to pay for it and their other things, they tend to freak out on us and abuse us sometimes in terrible ways. Your daughter is abusing you. Under no circumstances should you let her live in your house, in my opinion. She has no more right to abuse you or ruin your house or threaten you th an anyone. Her being your grown daughter does not allow her to treat you like garbage. There is no way in hello I personally would ever help her with a car. She should be paying for her own car, if she can buy one, and frankly she sounds like a hazard on the street. Why would you help pay for that when she is twenty six or older? Why would you want her on the street...she could kill herself or somebody else. You can't stop her from buying her own car, but you don't have to help her get back on the road. I did this with my own daughter w hen she was getting into accidents...no car. But she was only a teenager. Still, she was driving on drugs!!</p><p></p><p>Your daughter sounds like a little kid..."I want it, I'm getting it, I don't care if I can afford it or not." She needs to learn about real life or s he won't make it on her own and we parents can not live forever. And sometimes our difficult children impede our health and life span if we allow it.</p><p></p><p>She should, in my layman's opinion, have her own therapist and your should have one too for yourself. Why do you both see the same one? Dad around?</p><p></p><p>You are new to this. I have a book you may like to read as you start a hopefully new journey. It's called "Codepdent No More" by Melody Beatty. I also think reading our article here on detachment is really helpful.</p><p></p><p>Sadly, our difficult children are not like other adults who yearn to be independent and live their own lives. We have to take a stand or else OUR lives will be awful forever and theirs will not improve either. We can not fix them or control them. They are on their own. And so are we. Only person we can fix is ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and sorry for your hurting mommy heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 626519, member: 1550"] Wow. I'm so sorry for all your sorrow. I wish you had found us before. Can you share more of her story with us? Why is she still living at home? Do you still support her or pay for her stuff? She has to at least be 25 and should be doing that herself and may not grow up if she doesn't. Any drug use? Do you allow her to go out while you babysit for her baby? Do you have any life at all beyond taking care of this adult? Your husband as every right to be furious at her. How dare she stick him with all that money, not pay it back, and (I assume) still live at home where she gets food, warm bedding and internet? Maybe cell phone on your dime? REALLY? I don't know if your husband is her father or not. If he isn't, it's amazing he hasn't left the situation completely. If he isn't...where is dad, not that it matter anyway...whatever is going on with her, SHE has to deal with it now. She is a woman now, whether s he likes it or not. She is not that cute little kid you used to laugh with. She is all grown up. Maybe she called you her best friend six weeks ago because you bought her something or gave her money. Sadly our difficult children do not like being forced to grow up and if we dare to cut off the money supply at all OR if we tell them they have to find a place to live and, worse yet, get a job to pay for it and their other things, they tend to freak out on us and abuse us sometimes in terrible ways. Your daughter is abusing you. Under no circumstances should you let her live in your house, in my opinion. She has no more right to abuse you or ruin your house or threaten you th an anyone. Her being your grown daughter does not allow her to treat you like garbage. There is no way in hello I personally would ever help her with a car. She should be paying for her own car, if she can buy one, and frankly she sounds like a hazard on the street. Why would you help pay for that when she is twenty six or older? Why would you want her on the street...she could kill herself or somebody else. You can't stop her from buying her own car, but you don't have to help her get back on the road. I did this with my own daughter w hen she was getting into accidents...no car. But she was only a teenager. Still, she was driving on drugs!! Your daughter sounds like a little kid..."I want it, I'm getting it, I don't care if I can afford it or not." She needs to learn about real life or s he won't make it on her own and we parents can not live forever. And sometimes our difficult children impede our health and life span if we allow it. She should, in my layman's opinion, have her own therapist and your should have one too for yourself. Why do you both see the same one? Dad around? You are new to this. I have a book you may like to read as you start a hopefully new journey. It's called "Codepdent No More" by Melody Beatty. I also think reading our article here on detachment is really helpful. Sadly, our difficult children are not like other adults who yearn to be independent and live their own lives. We have to take a stand or else OUR lives will be awful forever and theirs will not improve either. We can not fix them or control them. They are on their own. And so are we. Only person we can fix is ourselves. Hugs and sorry for your hurting mommy heart. [/QUOTE]
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