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Parent Emeritus
Well I'm back and being stupid still...again!!!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Suz" data-source="post: 15733" data-attributes="member: 29"><p>Robby, I wish you would stop being so hard on yourself. Each of us has these moments of excruciating doubt. And each of us loses our resolve at times. I think it's important to know what our Achilles heels are with our kids. It's the only way we can learn about ourselves and then have a jumping off point to know what the next step should be. That's why I said I didn't understand- I wanted to make sure you did. </p><p></p><p>You and I have a big thing in common. We both "project" on to our difficult child. I used to project my feelings as being Rob's feelings. And they weren't---they were mine alone.</p><p></p><p>You seem to be doing the same... "I think difficult child is so hurt that his biomom doesn't care? He has never said as much...just something in my mind..how I would feel."</p><p></p><p>It's so easy to do. And what you are saying and feeling makes so much sense. But you have no idea if, in fact, they are really how he is feeling...and, even if it is true, he is an adult now and how he is behaving is socially unacceptable...and I'm confident that he knows it, too (you know those Drill Sergeants made sure he knew how to behave!!!)! </p><p></p><p>I guess I worry most about the damage being done to your relationship with your husband. I watched my marriage go down the tubes because of disparate opinions on how to raise Rob and decisions made. It was a little at a time. It whittles down your strength. It whittles down your self esteem. It whittles down your resolve. It makes you start to look at each other as the possible reason for why your child is the way he is, instead of making the child responsible for his actions.</p><p></p><p>I know I'm rambling. I'm sorry. You are not a mess. You are a touch off balance right now but you will regain your footing. I have confidence in you.</p><p></p><p>Valentine's Day is approaching. I think someone already suggested a getaway for you and husband. Can you manage it? It sounds like the timing couldn't be better to re-establish your union.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs,</p><p>Suz</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Suz, post: 15733, member: 29"] Robby, I wish you would stop being so hard on yourself. Each of us has these moments of excruciating doubt. And each of us loses our resolve at times. I think it's important to know what our Achilles heels are with our kids. It's the only way we can learn about ourselves and then have a jumping off point to know what the next step should be. That's why I said I didn't understand- I wanted to make sure you did. You and I have a big thing in common. We both "project" on to our difficult child. I used to project my feelings as being Rob's feelings. And they weren't---they were mine alone. You seem to be doing the same... "I think difficult child is so hurt that his biomom doesn't care? He has never said as much...just something in my mind..how I would feel." It's so easy to do. And what you are saying and feeling makes so much sense. But you have no idea if, in fact, they are really how he is feeling...and, even if it is true, he is an adult now and how he is behaving is socially unacceptable...and I'm confident that he knows it, too (you know those Drill Sergeants made sure he knew how to behave!!!)! I guess I worry most about the damage being done to your relationship with your husband. I watched my marriage go down the tubes because of disparate opinions on how to raise Rob and decisions made. It was a little at a time. It whittles down your strength. It whittles down your self esteem. It whittles down your resolve. It makes you start to look at each other as the possible reason for why your child is the way he is, instead of making the child responsible for his actions. I know I'm rambling. I'm sorry. You are not a mess. You are a touch off balance right now but you will regain your footing. I have confidence in you. Valentine's Day is approaching. I think someone already suggested a getaway for you and husband. Can you manage it? It sounds like the timing couldn't be better to re-establish your union. Big hugs, Suz [/QUOTE]
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Well I'm back and being stupid still...again!!!!!!!
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