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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 132302" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>Wow. Well, all I can say is:</p><p></p><ol> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">His phone is gone. I destroyed the SIM card, turned off his account, and refused to do anything to restore service. That phone is permanently dead, despite some harsh words from wife; if she or McW wants to find a way around it, it will be without my help or consent.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">I've revoked all agreements to pay for any of the costs for his court or substance abuse treatment. He now has to pay for his own drug tests, for the 50 dollar civil settlement fine demanded by the store he stole from, and most importantly the approx. 400 dollars remaining on his Diversion fees. I won't back down on this, and so far wife hasn't gone behind my back to pay for any of this stuff (that I know of).</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">McWeedy finally admitted to being drunk when he came home the other night. I told him in front of wife that that the next time he breaks any house rules about drugs, booze, curfew, or breaking the law, he would see his car parked for sale at the nearest used car junk lot. Believe it or not, but I intend to follow through on that.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">I've written a letter to the DA handling his case explaining the TRUE facts about McWeedy's life, and asked that when they consider what to do about his violation, they take this information into account. I've strongly suggested court-ordered rehab and then placement in a residential facility, halfway house, or something similar. wife hated it, told me I was "misrepresenting the facts to make McWeedy look bad". Too bad, sez me; I sent it anyway, without changes.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">I spoke with McW's doctor, and filled him in as well on the "reality" of McWeedy (I was pretty upset that he only has to go to an hour of group, once a week, for fifteen weeks). During the initial evaluation (that we couldn't participate in because of HIPAA laws), McW said "<em>he was a recreational user of booze and pot, no other drugs, and that his Dad was a psychotic whack-job bent on controlling him like he was only 10 years old.</em>" When I told the doctor the "truth" about McW, he was a bit tweaked that he didn't have that info before he turned in his evaluation to the DA. by the way, the DA said he could always amend his recommendation if "new information came to light". Maybe it will, during his revocation hearing. wife was pretty upset by that as well.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">I told wife that I intend to turn McW in to the police the next time I catch him drinking and driving, or if he comes home drunk. Was told that "well, then, he'll just never come home since he knows you'll report him". I said "And???????". More evil, angry stares, more ice, but I don't care. I spent ten minutes waking the neighbors at 12am yelling at McW about the stupidity of driving drunk, underage, without his DL, and while on diversion and facing other charges. Not to mention the liability issues someone else here brought up. wife still wasn't happy about it, but again I don't care. And don't get me started on his killing someone driving drunk; that would require him to actually have enough empathy to care, which simply isn't the case. </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">McWeedy has finally "gotten it" that I won't have anything to do with him anymore until he starts acting like a member of the family. I told him that unless we have "business" (money, legal issues, disturbing the family,etc) that I wouldn't have <u>anything</u> to do with him, good or bad. He understands this because he needs a lot of help to get his artwork ready for the Starbucks display that starts next month; drilling, sawing, assembly, etc. He told his mother he was WAY behind, and he "knew Dad wasn't going to give him ten seconds of help". I intend to keep it that way; when he acts like a son, I will treat him like a son. Otherwise, I will continue to treat him like a bad college roommate that I can't get rid of.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Also, no can do on the new CC's or anything else that attempts to limit wife's access to family funds. In this state, the only legal way I can do that is to be divorced, legally separated, or have filed for a legal "separation of estates". Other than those three, what's mine is hers, and vice versa. Nothing I can do about it.</li> </ol><p></p><p>It's a start, and more of a stand than I've taken for years. wife is already talking divorce, and has gone into permanent ice queen mode, but I don't care. I don't know that Sarge gives a hill of beans at this point, since his stress threshold is already maxxed by his premed and he rarely involves himself in family issues. Dancer is getting as much of my extra time as I can possibly give her.</p><p></p><p>I also intend to start (this weekend) taking the keys away from McW whenever he doesn't <strong>have</strong> to use the car, and locking the door at 10 minutes past curfew and going to bed. If wife wants to let him in, then she can get up and let him in. So I'll probably end up divorced, McW will end up God-knows-where, and Dancer will end up with my wife still suffering from the McWeedy drama, but at least I did something, right?</p><p></p><p>Sheesh.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 132302, member: 3579"] Wow. Well, all I can say is: [LIST=1] [*]His phone is gone. I destroyed the SIM card, turned off his account, and refused to do anything to restore service. That phone is permanently dead, despite some harsh words from wife; if she or McW wants to find a way around it, it will be without my help or consent. [*]I've revoked all agreements to pay for any of the costs for his court or substance abuse treatment. He now has to pay for his own drug tests, for the 50 dollar civil settlement fine demanded by the store he stole from, and most importantly the approx. 400 dollars remaining on his Diversion fees. I won't back down on this, and so far wife hasn't gone behind my back to pay for any of this stuff (that I know of). [*]McWeedy finally admitted to being drunk when he came home the other night. I told him in front of wife that that the next time he breaks any house rules about drugs, booze, curfew, or breaking the law, he would see his car parked for sale at the nearest used car junk lot. Believe it or not, but I intend to follow through on that. [*]I've written a letter to the DA handling his case explaining the TRUE facts about McWeedy's life, and asked that when they consider what to do about his violation, they take this information into account. I've strongly suggested court-ordered rehab and then placement in a residential facility, halfway house, or something similar. wife hated it, told me I was "misrepresenting the facts to make McWeedy look bad". Too bad, sez me; I sent it anyway, without changes. [*]I spoke with McW's doctor, and filled him in as well on the "reality" of McWeedy (I was pretty upset that he only has to go to an hour of group, once a week, for fifteen weeks). During the initial evaluation (that we couldn't participate in because of HIPAA laws), McW said "[I]he was a recreational user of booze and pot, no other drugs, and that his Dad was a psychotic whack-job bent on controlling him like he was only 10 years old.[/I]" When I told the doctor the "truth" about McW, he was a bit tweaked that he didn't have that info before he turned in his evaluation to the DA. by the way, the DA said he could always amend his recommendation if "new information came to light". Maybe it will, during his revocation hearing. wife was pretty upset by that as well. [*]I told wife that I intend to turn McW in to the police the next time I catch him drinking and driving, or if he comes home drunk. Was told that "well, then, he'll just never come home since he knows you'll report him". I said "And???????". More evil, angry stares, more ice, but I don't care. I spent ten minutes waking the neighbors at 12am yelling at McW about the stupidity of driving drunk, underage, without his DL, and while on diversion and facing other charges. Not to mention the liability issues someone else here brought up. wife still wasn't happy about it, but again I don't care. And don't get me started on his killing someone driving drunk; that would require him to actually have enough empathy to care, which simply isn't the case. [*]McWeedy has finally "gotten it" that I won't have anything to do with him anymore until he starts acting like a member of the family. I told him that unless we have "business" (money, legal issues, disturbing the family,etc) that I wouldn't have [U]anything[/U] to do with him, good or bad. He understands this because he needs a lot of help to get his artwork ready for the Starbucks display that starts next month; drilling, sawing, assembly, etc. He told his mother he was WAY behind, and he "knew Dad wasn't going to give him ten seconds of help". I intend to keep it that way; when he acts like a son, I will treat him like a son. Otherwise, I will continue to treat him like a bad college roommate that I can't get rid of. [*]Also, no can do on the new CC's or anything else that attempts to limit wife's access to family funds. In this state, the only legal way I can do that is to be divorced, legally separated, or have filed for a legal "separation of estates". Other than those three, what's mine is hers, and vice versa. Nothing I can do about it. [/LIST] It's a start, and more of a stand than I've taken for years. wife is already talking divorce, and has gone into permanent ice queen mode, but I don't care. I don't know that Sarge gives a hill of beans at this point, since his stress threshold is already maxxed by his premed and he rarely involves himself in family issues. Dancer is getting as much of my extra time as I can possibly give her. I also intend to start (this weekend) taking the keys away from McW whenever he doesn't [B]have[/B] to use the car, and locking the door at 10 minutes past curfew and going to bed. If wife wants to let him in, then she can get up and let him in. So I'll probably end up divorced, McW will end up God-knows-where, and Dancer will end up with my wife still suffering from the McWeedy drama, but at least I did something, right? Sheesh. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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