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What does detachment look like to you?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 611253" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I read this thread last night... some wise words here! For me detachment is about letting go like others have said. It means letting go of control.... realizing that you cannot control the situation and you cannot control the outcome. That in fact nothing you do might make any difference. Ultimately I think detachment is acceptance of all of that and knowing that what is, is.</p><p></p><p>I find it easiest to detach when I feel angry at difficult child and hardest when I feel sad about difficult child and all that he has lost.</p><p></p><p>To me it is not so much about what I do or dont do for him, but more about how I am doing. When I have a healthy dose of detachment then I am living my life, enjoying my life, and am not thinking about him and what is happening to him all the time. When I am struggling most with detachment is when I feel obsessed with his situation.</p><p></p><p>So when I get into that obsessive place I need to find good healthy distractions and I need to find a way to put a stop to those ways of thinking. this means when the guilty thoughts creep in I say to myself "Dont go there" and I dont anymore.</p><p></p><p>And more than anything I need to do things in my life that I enjoy and that make me happy. </p><p></p><p>I found it hardest to detach when he was homeless and on the street because I was so worried about him....but I did learn to still enjoy and move on with my life most of the time. It easiest to detach when he is safe and in a program of some sort. When he was in jail it was ok at first and then started to drive me crazy because nothing was happening and I found myself having to advocate for him with the system which of course brought me right back into the mix.</p><p></p><p>So yes detachment is a process that we go in and out of I think. I dont think it means at all that we have to cut off all contact, or that we have to stop loving them, it is more about how much we let them and their problems affect our lives and get in our way of having a good life.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 611253, member: 15801"] I read this thread last night... some wise words here! For me detachment is about letting go like others have said. It means letting go of control.... realizing that you cannot control the situation and you cannot control the outcome. That in fact nothing you do might make any difference. Ultimately I think detachment is acceptance of all of that and knowing that what is, is. I find it easiest to detach when I feel angry at difficult child and hardest when I feel sad about difficult child and all that he has lost. To me it is not so much about what I do or dont do for him, but more about how I am doing. When I have a healthy dose of detachment then I am living my life, enjoying my life, and am not thinking about him and what is happening to him all the time. When I am struggling most with detachment is when I feel obsessed with his situation. So when I get into that obsessive place I need to find good healthy distractions and I need to find a way to put a stop to those ways of thinking. this means when the guilty thoughts creep in I say to myself "Dont go there" and I dont anymore. And more than anything I need to do things in my life that I enjoy and that make me happy. I found it hardest to detach when he was homeless and on the street because I was so worried about him....but I did learn to still enjoy and move on with my life most of the time. It easiest to detach when he is safe and in a program of some sort. When he was in jail it was ok at first and then started to drive me crazy because nothing was happening and I found myself having to advocate for him with the system which of course brought me right back into the mix. So yes detachment is a process that we go in and out of I think. I dont think it means at all that we have to cut off all contact, or that we have to stop loving them, it is more about how much we let them and their problems affect our lives and get in our way of having a good life. TL [/QUOTE]
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What does detachment look like to you?
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