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What does detachment look like to you?
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 612073" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>You've given me so much to think about, Recovering. </p><p></p><p>Thank you. You are correct in every instance. This can't have been easy to share, and I appreciate it more than you know. </p><p></p><p>How surprising to understand that the pain, fear, and confusion I feel over both my children come from the judgments I am making. WTF, right? True, though. And you are right, of course ~ each of them may very well have more than I acknowledge <u>or can see</u>. And here is the proof of that: daughter has had everything that I have now and found no meaning in it. </p><p></p><p>And, viewed in this peculiar light, son fought with everything he had not to become who we were so determined he would be.</p><p></p><p>It seems so simple, when viewed from that perspective. Could it truly be that easy? Could it truly be that our children are making rational, intelligent, fully engaged choices...and that <u>I</u> am the one who doesn't understand, who maybe never got it, never understood the real purpose or value of life?</p><p></p><p>Certainly, my daughter has more courage than I do.</p><p></p><p>If you take it a step further, if you see it just a little differently, Recovering...we may have raised children of rare vision and courage. Or been gifted with children of rare vision and courage. (Which I, for one, have barely survived raising.)</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Well, how do you like that.</p><p></p><p>It makes a crazy kind of sense, seen in this light. Everything that's happened ~ even what she is doing, now. Or, as you said...she would change it. Could it be true that our kids are calling baloney on the things that are important to us because they really see no value in the things we believe matter?</p><p></p><p>Hmmm....</p><p></p><p>Recovering, my kids SAY stuff like this to me.</p><p></p><p>But like you, I have seen through the only lens I have. (Cedar said, adjusting her focus and watching the universe expand.)</p><p></p><p>*****************</p><p></p><p>You are right about there being a dark side to compassion, Recovering. Compassion does require empathy. It is pity which requires mercy ~ requiring in exchange that unconditional self regard, that the sense of rightness and efficacy, be sacrificed.</p><p></p><p>You are right too about feeding the ego through the "great, compassionate Oz" feeling, and the emptiness that attends identification with its mandates.</p><p></p><p>Another excellent discussion, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>My head is spinning.</p><p></p><p>I think I am getting this.</p><p></p><p>Thanks!</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 612073, member: 1721"] You've given me so much to think about, Recovering. Thank you. You are correct in every instance. This can't have been easy to share, and I appreciate it more than you know. How surprising to understand that the pain, fear, and confusion I feel over both my children come from the judgments I am making. WTF, right? True, though. And you are right, of course ~ each of them may very well have more than I acknowledge [U]or can see[/U]. And here is the proof of that: daughter has had everything that I have now and found no meaning in it. And, viewed in this peculiar light, son fought with everything he had not to become who we were so determined he would be. It seems so simple, when viewed from that perspective. Could it truly be that easy? Could it truly be that our children are making rational, intelligent, fully engaged choices...and that [U]I[/U] am the one who doesn't understand, who maybe never got it, never understood the real purpose or value of life? Certainly, my daughter has more courage than I do. If you take it a step further, if you see it just a little differently, Recovering...we may have raised children of rare vision and courage. Or been gifted with children of rare vision and courage. (Which I, for one, have barely survived raising.) :O) Well, how do you like that. It makes a crazy kind of sense, seen in this light. Everything that's happened ~ even what she is doing, now. Or, as you said...she would change it. Could it be true that our kids are calling baloney on the things that are important to us because they really see no value in the things we believe matter? Hmmm.... Recovering, my kids SAY stuff like this to me. But like you, I have seen through the only lens I have. (Cedar said, adjusting her focus and watching the universe expand.) ***************** You are right about there being a dark side to compassion, Recovering. Compassion does require empathy. It is pity which requires mercy ~ requiring in exchange that unconditional self regard, that the sense of rightness and efficacy, be sacrificed. You are right too about feeding the ego through the "great, compassionate Oz" feeling, and the emptiness that attends identification with its mandates. Another excellent discussion, Recovering. My head is spinning. I think I am getting this. Thanks! Cedar [/QUOTE]
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