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What does detachment look like to you?
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 612849" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>I am so proud and happy for you, Recovering Enabler. </p><p></p><p>Through your determination to do so, you really are accomplishing the impossible ~ you are changing yourself into your best self; into your strongest, healthiest self. </p><p></p><p>I celebrate that with you.</p><p></p><p>**************</p><p></p><p>Thank you for posting that poem in its entirety. I love the defiance in it, the absolute determination to retain the right to define the self, whatever is happening.</p><p></p><p>Another series of strange coincidences for us, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>***********************</p><p></p><p>Like you, I am finding my responses so changed as I have gone through this process that I had begun to pull back, had begun to question myself and my intentions. So strange, Recovering, that you should have posted just now as you did, using almost the same words I repeat to myself when, just lately, I've said or done something so completely out of character for me. </p><p></p><p>"It feels appropriate to respond as I have." </p><p>"I feel better about it." </p><p>"I've accepted alot of bad behavior from...(my sister, my mother, and one time, it was my husband I found myself responding to in such an unkind ~ and yet, undeniably honest ~ way) in the past, and I'm not willing to do that, now." </p><p>"...it feels "cleaner" and more honest, this way." </p><p></p><p>And you are right about the rudeness, too. I never seemed to see rudeness or power-over behavior for what it was, before. </p><p></p><p>I have been so surprised at myself that I was beginning to wonder whether this whole growth idea was a wrongness ~ whether I had been harboring someone nasty under all this niceness and now, couldn't seem to put her back, because she speaks with total conviction <u>and I like it</u>.</p><p></p><p>But in reading your post, I see health and strength and complete willingness to accept what is for what it is. So I know that, though I sometimes can't believe what comes out of my mouth these days...this change is good, not bad. And here's the thing: As I could see so clearly in your feelings and in your responses to your daughter, neither you nor I am doing anything hurtful. We are simply seeing what is without rationalizing. </p><p></p><p>I could see that for you, but not for myself.</p><p></p><p>Ah, sweet validation, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p>It does feel a little uncomfortable. But all change is uncomfortable.</p><p></p><p>So I will go ahead and continue then, guilt free.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 612849, member: 1721"] I am so proud and happy for you, Recovering Enabler. Through your determination to do so, you really are accomplishing the impossible ~ you are changing yourself into your best self; into your strongest, healthiest self. I celebrate that with you. ************** Thank you for posting that poem in its entirety. I love the defiance in it, the absolute determination to retain the right to define the self, whatever is happening. Another series of strange coincidences for us, Recovering. *********************** Like you, I am finding my responses so changed as I have gone through this process that I had begun to pull back, had begun to question myself and my intentions. So strange, Recovering, that you should have posted just now as you did, using almost the same words I repeat to myself when, just lately, I've said or done something so completely out of character for me. "It feels appropriate to respond as I have." "I feel better about it." "I've accepted alot of bad behavior from...(my sister, my mother, and one time, it was my husband I found myself responding to in such an unkind ~ and yet, undeniably honest ~ way) in the past, and I'm not willing to do that, now." "...it feels "cleaner" and more honest, this way." And you are right about the rudeness, too. I never seemed to see rudeness or power-over behavior for what it was, before. I have been so surprised at myself that I was beginning to wonder whether this whole growth idea was a wrongness ~ whether I had been harboring someone nasty under all this niceness and now, couldn't seem to put her back, because she speaks with total conviction [U]and I like it[/U]. But in reading your post, I see health and strength and complete willingness to accept what is for what it is. So I know that, though I sometimes can't believe what comes out of my mouth these days...this change is good, not bad. And here's the thing: As I could see so clearly in your feelings and in your responses to your daughter, neither you nor I am doing anything hurtful. We are simply seeing what is without rationalizing. I could see that for you, but not for myself. Ah, sweet validation, Recovering. Thank you. It does feel a little uncomfortable. But all change is uncomfortable. So I will go ahead and continue then, guilt free. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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