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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 622441" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi again. Are you in any kind of counseling? In my opinion only, I think you need to let go of what your ex and his new wife say to your child. You can't control their time with your younger daughter. I wouldn't even want to know what went on there because it is strictly out of my control. I would concentrate on being the best mom to daughter as possible, regardless of what ex and his wife say or do when she is with them. My son is divorced and that is how he handles it. They really do not know what goes on in the other's home...neither can control it and both have different parenting styles so they are never going to be able to co-parent or get along that way. I think it is best for you to let go of your ex, your anger, and move on to a new life of happiness. Again, all this is just my opinion, but I do think it was best to keep quiet when your daughter said she is getting married. She is a legal adult and you can't stop it and sometimes expressing your opinion just causes adult children to show you that you can't stop them...and then you have Romeo and Juliet. I feel it is our role, as parents to adult children, to let them learn by making their own decisions and mistakes, just like we did.</p><p></p><p>I do not know the history of you and ex's new wife, but I don't see any reason for you to ever have a conversation with her again. Or even to see her. Again, I think you will feel better if you let all of them go and just concentrate on yourself and your own life. Ruminating over what you should have done or did does not help you live a fulfilling life. Anger can be positive if it is short term, but in the long term it just makes us bitter and keeps us stuck in the past. Whatever happens between your ex, his wife and your two daughters, you can STILL have a great, fulfilling life apart from all of their drama.On the wedding dress, chances are Dad paid for it and let her pick out a really expensive one, maybe one you couldn't afford. If so, she is using him for his %%% and I wouldn't be jealous. It doesn't make your daughter's character shine either, but it is typical of our difficult children. They go where the money goes.</p><p></p><p>Do you have good friends, fun hobbies, groups you'd like to join, co-workers you enjoy? I'd focus on building a new "family" and a support system for yourself so that you can have some fun. You, in my opinion only, need to be around positive, validating people who like the things that you like.</p><p></p><p>You still did not mention substance abuse. If it is a factor, I'd go to a twelve step meeting...a few actually...it's a good place to start to heal for many of us. Sounds like you may be overthinking the "what ifs" and that overthinking is another thing that can hold us back. So what if you made mistakes? Who hasn't? You, in my opinion, need to forgive yourself and start planning for My LIfe Part II.</p><p></p><p>I also believe we all need to move on with help...if tweleve step isn't for you, I suggest a therapist or, if you are religion, the clergy.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for your hurting heart and I hope you can start healing it ASAP!!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 622441, member: 1550"] Hi again. Are you in any kind of counseling? In my opinion only, I think you need to let go of what your ex and his new wife say to your child. You can't control their time with your younger daughter. I wouldn't even want to know what went on there because it is strictly out of my control. I would concentrate on being the best mom to daughter as possible, regardless of what ex and his wife say or do when she is with them. My son is divorced and that is how he handles it. They really do not know what goes on in the other's home...neither can control it and both have different parenting styles so they are never going to be able to co-parent or get along that way. I think it is best for you to let go of your ex, your anger, and move on to a new life of happiness. Again, all this is just my opinion, but I do think it was best to keep quiet when your daughter said she is getting married. She is a legal adult and you can't stop it and sometimes expressing your opinion just causes adult children to show you that you can't stop them...and then you have Romeo and Juliet. I feel it is our role, as parents to adult children, to let them learn by making their own decisions and mistakes, just like we did. I do not know the history of you and ex's new wife, but I don't see any reason for you to ever have a conversation with her again. Or even to see her. Again, I think you will feel better if you let all of them go and just concentrate on yourself and your own life. Ruminating over what you should have done or did does not help you live a fulfilling life. Anger can be positive if it is short term, but in the long term it just makes us bitter and keeps us stuck in the past. Whatever happens between your ex, his wife and your two daughters, you can STILL have a great, fulfilling life apart from all of their drama.On the wedding dress, chances are Dad paid for it and let her pick out a really expensive one, maybe one you couldn't afford. If so, she is using him for his %%% and I wouldn't be jealous. It doesn't make your daughter's character shine either, but it is typical of our difficult children. They go where the money goes. Do you have good friends, fun hobbies, groups you'd like to join, co-workers you enjoy? I'd focus on building a new "family" and a support system for yourself so that you can have some fun. You, in my opinion only, need to be around positive, validating people who like the things that you like. You still did not mention substance abuse. If it is a factor, I'd go to a twelve step meeting...a few actually...it's a good place to start to heal for many of us. Sounds like you may be overthinking the "what ifs" and that overthinking is another thing that can hold us back. So what if you made mistakes? Who hasn't? You, in my opinion, need to forgive yourself and start planning for My LIfe Part II. I also believe we all need to move on with help...if tweleve step isn't for you, I suggest a therapist or, if you are religion, the clergy. I am sorry for your hurting heart and I hope you can start healing it ASAP!!! :) [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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