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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="Lioness" data-source="post: 650055" data-attributes="member: 18827"><p>Feel so bad for you. I am in a horrible situation at the moment with my 28 year old daughter. Its a long story, but it all started when her dad had an affair and left me and my 3 children under the age of 12. This was 16 years ago, my daughter was very close to her Dad. When he left she behaved like she hated me, was rude, stayed out, got in trouble at school. Screamed, swore at me & was violent towards me. Once she threw me through a glass table. Her Dad never supported me in trying to help her with counselling, or supporting me with her. When he left I had her hating me, my son very depressed, and my youngest in and out of hospital with a deteriorative illness, she was only 5. It was a very hard time.I lost a great deal of weight, and cried alot. I tried my very best to be there for my children. There were times when their Dad didnt contact them for 6 months and I had to beg him to come see them. I tried my very best, but my daughter would always lash out at me for everything. If it rained it was my fault, everything was always my fault.My energies were always on my eldest daughter because she needed so much attention, even when it was negative. This makes me feel so guilty about my younger two. Recently my daughter settled down with a lovely man and had a baby whom I adore. i do anything for them, and drop everything whenever my daughter needs anything. I tried to get her counselling when she was younger, but she would say that I was mad and needed help not her. She now at last is getting the counselling she needs. Her anger towards me has resurfaced and she lashes out at me all the time. I am devastated, as I thought that now she was a mother she would understand how a mother feels that I had and did do anything to make them happy to the detriment of myself. She recently told me that She no longer wants to see me but I can still see my Granddaughter. I am so devastated. I contact her everyday by phone or text, telling her that I love her and will always be there for her. I went round to see her recently with her favourite meal as she was unwell. She didn't make eye contact with me. I know she takes anti depressants. And I want to help her. Her partner is very supportive, but is also finding it hard to cope with her anger and negativity. I want to see my daughter and help her, and be a part of her life. I don't want a superficial relationship. I want it to be real. I think she blames me for her Dad leaving even when he told her the truth that it was his fault. She was his favourite and she must have felt abandoned by him. Maybe she thinks its my fault he left us for his secretary, I don't know. She says she loves me sometimes. But she looks at me with hate. I thought she had left that behaviour behind. Surely counselling should help her? Its brought up all the old anger and pain for her and as always she takes it out on me. I am truly devastated. I love her so much. My other two adult children say that she has "issues" with me, but say they love me and that I am a great mother. I spoilt her with love, attention and gifts to make up for her loss of her Dad. Its never enough for her. I am at a loss as to what to do. I wish she would come to mediation with me so we can communicate in a safe place. I am so scared. I don't want to lose her. My own mother has mental health problems and cut me out of her life 25 years ago. She was physically and verbally abusive, yet I still love her and forgive her. I went through a messy divorce but always put my kids first. Why does my daughter hate me so much? I can't stand it any more I want to leave the country. Or stay in bed with the covers over my head. Sorry this is so long, but I am new to this and am desperate. I can't eat or sleep with worry. I wish you all the best with your problem, just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I feel alone. People think I have done so well bringing up my 3 all alone but they don't realise the reality. I am so sad.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lioness, post: 650055, member: 18827"] Feel so bad for you. I am in a horrible situation at the moment with my 28 year old daughter. Its a long story, but it all started when her dad had an affair and left me and my 3 children under the age of 12. This was 16 years ago, my daughter was very close to her Dad. When he left she behaved like she hated me, was rude, stayed out, got in trouble at school. Screamed, swore at me & was violent towards me. Once she threw me through a glass table. Her Dad never supported me in trying to help her with counselling, or supporting me with her. When he left I had her hating me, my son very depressed, and my youngest in and out of hospital with a deteriorative illness, she was only 5. It was a very hard time.I lost a great deal of weight, and cried alot. I tried my very best to be there for my children. There were times when their Dad didnt contact them for 6 months and I had to beg him to come see them. I tried my very best, but my daughter would always lash out at me for everything. If it rained it was my fault, everything was always my fault.My energies were always on my eldest daughter because she needed so much attention, even when it was negative. This makes me feel so guilty about my younger two. Recently my daughter settled down with a lovely man and had a baby whom I adore. i do anything for them, and drop everything whenever my daughter needs anything. I tried to get her counselling when she was younger, but she would say that I was mad and needed help not her. She now at last is getting the counselling she needs. Her anger towards me has resurfaced and she lashes out at me all the time. I am devastated, as I thought that now she was a mother she would understand how a mother feels that I had and did do anything to make them happy to the detriment of myself. She recently told me that She no longer wants to see me but I can still see my Granddaughter. I am so devastated. I contact her everyday by phone or text, telling her that I love her and will always be there for her. I went round to see her recently with her favourite meal as she was unwell. She didn't make eye contact with me. I know she takes anti depressants. And I want to help her. Her partner is very supportive, but is also finding it hard to cope with her anger and negativity. I want to see my daughter and help her, and be a part of her life. I don't want a superficial relationship. I want it to be real. I think she blames me for her Dad leaving even when he told her the truth that it was his fault. She was his favourite and she must have felt abandoned by him. Maybe she thinks its my fault he left us for his secretary, I don't know. She says she loves me sometimes. But she looks at me with hate. I thought she had left that behaviour behind. Surely counselling should help her? Its brought up all the old anger and pain for her and as always she takes it out on me. I am truly devastated. I love her so much. My other two adult children say that she has "issues" with me, but say they love me and that I am a great mother. I spoilt her with love, attention and gifts to make up for her loss of her Dad. Its never enough for her. I am at a loss as to what to do. I wish she would come to mediation with me so we can communicate in a safe place. I am so scared. I don't want to lose her. My own mother has mental health problems and cut me out of her life 25 years ago. She was physically and verbally abusive, yet I still love her and forgive her. I went through a messy divorce but always put my kids first. Why does my daughter hate me so much? I can't stand it any more I want to leave the country. Or stay in bed with the covers over my head. Sorry this is so long, but I am new to this and am desperate. I can't eat or sleep with worry. I wish you all the best with your problem, just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I feel alone. People think I have done so well bringing up my 3 all alone but they don't realise the reality. I am so sad. [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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