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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 650070" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You're not naive or else we all are. None of us want to admit our adult kids are flawed and you seem to understand borderline, like I do. I had a horrible mother who loved to play divide and conquer and she did it well. She managed to tear up the entire family. Don't let your daughter do it. She can't play her games if nobody else plays with her.</p><p></p><p>Your husband seriously should be first and foremost your husband. This daughter has a husband, who I sort of pity. For me (and I'm not saying it should be the same for you) if my husband played both sides, I would pack his bags. All of your daughters are adults and you two just have each other. This daughter is being cruel to you and hurting you. It should, in my opinion, be a no-brainer that he defend you to the max. Your daughter is probably very good at flirting with men a little, even him, and he needs to wake up and smell the coffee and defend his wife. Let her father play games. Don't involve yourself in any of them and do not listen to family gossip. It is lethal. Just say simply you have decided not to listen to family gossip and stick to it. Nothing good comes from families who talk about one another and spread gossip. Change the subject. Get off the phone. Make any excuse not to involve yourself in that.</p><p></p><p>Yes, borderline has been shown to be partly inherited and you know first hand how vicious an untreated borderline will be. And they are never wrong. YOU are. And they want everyone else to agree with them or they will cut that person off. Let your smarter daughters draw their own conclusions about her, but enjoy them without your other daughter being an elephant in the room. </p><p></p><p>And take hubby to task. He is making things worse. He didn't marry her, he married you. He should be on your side or else what kind of a husband is he? My husband gets furious if any of my kids are disrespectful to me or hurt me. That's what a loving husband is like. This daughter is not HIS daughter. He should talk to her like a husband, not like a pal. And I feel he should cut her off if she continues to treat you like dirt. There is no purpose to having contact other than allowing her to cause more drama. This for me would be a dealbreaker in the marriage. Again, you don't need to take it that far if you are ok with it, but I'm angry for you because of his ambivalence...he is prolonging the game.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 650070, member: 1550"] You're not naive or else we all are. None of us want to admit our adult kids are flawed and you seem to understand borderline, like I do. I had a horrible mother who loved to play divide and conquer and she did it well. She managed to tear up the entire family. Don't let your daughter do it. She can't play her games if nobody else plays with her. Your husband seriously should be first and foremost your husband. This daughter has a husband, who I sort of pity. For me (and I'm not saying it should be the same for you) if my husband played both sides, I would pack his bags. All of your daughters are adults and you two just have each other. This daughter is being cruel to you and hurting you. It should, in my opinion, be a no-brainer that he defend you to the max. Your daughter is probably very good at flirting with men a little, even him, and he needs to wake up and smell the coffee and defend his wife. Let her father play games. Don't involve yourself in any of them and do not listen to family gossip. It is lethal. Just say simply you have decided not to listen to family gossip and stick to it. Nothing good comes from families who talk about one another and spread gossip. Change the subject. Get off the phone. Make any excuse not to involve yourself in that. Yes, borderline has been shown to be partly inherited and you know first hand how vicious an untreated borderline will be. And they are never wrong. YOU are. And they want everyone else to agree with them or they will cut that person off. Let your smarter daughters draw their own conclusions about her, but enjoy them without your other daughter being an elephant in the room. And take hubby to task. He is making things worse. He didn't marry her, he married you. He should be on your side or else what kind of a husband is he? My husband gets furious if any of my kids are disrespectful to me or hurt me. That's what a loving husband is like. This daughter is not HIS daughter. He should talk to her like a husband, not like a pal. And I feel he should cut her off if she continues to treat you like dirt. There is no purpose to having contact other than allowing her to cause more drama. This for me would be a dealbreaker in the marriage. Again, you don't need to take it that far if you are ok with it, but I'm angry for you because of his ambivalence...he is prolonging the game. [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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