Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 650208" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi again, Billy. Remember, that your son in law is also your granddaugher's parent so if he gets fed up with your daughter and leaves, he can fight for custody and win. It's not just a woman's game these days. That would help her. Other than that there is nothing you can do for your granddaughter. Pray. That's it. She will find strength in herself and deal with it as you and I did. You can't get custody away from her parents so you have no say and it's best to accept it. What other choice do you have? Worrying?</p><p></p><p>It is NOT selfish to take care of yourself. It is selfish NOT to. Not only is it unkind to neglect yourself because YOU matter as much as your kids, but your healthy and loving loved ones want and need a functioning, happy you. This world does not revolve around your daughter. There are many in your life. She just seems bigger because she caues you grief. With therapy and wisdom you will learn how fruitless it is to engage in the games and to worry about things you can not help.</p><p></p><p>Which brings me to this: You can't help her. There is NOTHING you can do to make her a good person. Her regular fly-by-night therapist can't help her, even if he sees the borderline. Nobody can help her unless she makes a strong commitment to allowing others to correct her thinking and behavioral problems and is willing to put in a monster's share of work to change and the need and want has to come from her. Nobody can talk her into believing there is even anything wrong with her. Most borderlines refuse help and walk out of therapists and abuse them and frnkly most therapists are not able to handle borderlines and don't embrace them as patients because, just like they walk all over everyone else, they walk all over therapists too and tend to dump them like yesterday's garbage. Do not live in the hope that our daughter will magically change or that somebody else other than herself can save her. To be honst, most borderlines never admit they have problems and never change. The ones that do are extremely motivated and work their tails off, day and night, every day and night, and admit they need to change. They do not blame others for their own dysfunction.</p><p></p><p>We all were getting ill by our abusive adult children. We have to let go and be as healthy as we can for ourselves and for those who care for us. It is OUR time. Most of us here are 50's and 60's and we earned the right to have a peaceful, loving rest-of-our-lives. Toxic people can literally KILL us with stress...high blood pressure, ulcers, constant misery...it is not helping anyone, including our dysfunctional adult children, if we get sick. And how does it help anyone if we die younger than necessary because we let a dysfunctional peron whom we love eat at our soul? We must not allow this. It happens way too often.</p><p></p><p>Detach, detach, detach. Detach from toxicity and don't think you or anyone can change another person who does not want to be changed. Do not believe in fairytales. Stay calm and live in the present moment. Don't get all excited if one positive event happens with borderline daughter...it is likely a deliberate attempt to make you happy so that the fall will be harder and faster. Be cautious with your heart. Do t he things you love to do with those who treat you with respect and kindness. Reject meanness. Reject games. Remember: Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life and the rest of your life is YOUR story to write. It will be what YOU write there, not what anyone else writes. Your kids are adults now. They are writing their own stories. Nobody can write a story for somebody else.</p><p></p><p>We are always here to "talk" to...24/7 and even on Christmas (a hard time for a lot of us).</p><p></p><p>I am strong from overcoming my weakness and by listening to wiser minds than my own. Had I not listened to others, I would still be crying in my soup because some people didn't like me, including one of my children, my evil mother, my borderline, lifelong eating disordered sister, my clueless brother... and I would not so GREATLY appreciate those I have who care for me, and the serene life I live. NOBODY WILL TAKE MY GIFTS FROM ME EVER AGAIN. Just say "no" to toxic people and say "yes" to happiness for yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 650208, member: 1550"] Hi again, Billy. Remember, that your son in law is also your granddaugher's parent so if he gets fed up with your daughter and leaves, he can fight for custody and win. It's not just a woman's game these days. That would help her. Other than that there is nothing you can do for your granddaughter. Pray. That's it. She will find strength in herself and deal with it as you and I did. You can't get custody away from her parents so you have no say and it's best to accept it. What other choice do you have? Worrying? It is NOT selfish to take care of yourself. It is selfish NOT to. Not only is it unkind to neglect yourself because YOU matter as much as your kids, but your healthy and loving loved ones want and need a functioning, happy you. This world does not revolve around your daughter. There are many in your life. She just seems bigger because she caues you grief. With therapy and wisdom you will learn how fruitless it is to engage in the games and to worry about things you can not help. Which brings me to this: You can't help her. There is NOTHING you can do to make her a good person. Her regular fly-by-night therapist can't help her, even if he sees the borderline. Nobody can help her unless she makes a strong commitment to allowing others to correct her thinking and behavioral problems and is willing to put in a monster's share of work to change and the need and want has to come from her. Nobody can talk her into believing there is even anything wrong with her. Most borderlines refuse help and walk out of therapists and abuse them and frnkly most therapists are not able to handle borderlines and don't embrace them as patients because, just like they walk all over everyone else, they walk all over therapists too and tend to dump them like yesterday's garbage. Do not live in the hope that our daughter will magically change or that somebody else other than herself can save her. To be honst, most borderlines never admit they have problems and never change. The ones that do are extremely motivated and work their tails off, day and night, every day and night, and admit they need to change. They do not blame others for their own dysfunction. We all were getting ill by our abusive adult children. We have to let go and be as healthy as we can for ourselves and for those who care for us. It is OUR time. Most of us here are 50's and 60's and we earned the right to have a peaceful, loving rest-of-our-lives. Toxic people can literally KILL us with stress...high blood pressure, ulcers, constant misery...it is not helping anyone, including our dysfunctional adult children, if we get sick. And how does it help anyone if we die younger than necessary because we let a dysfunctional peron whom we love eat at our soul? We must not allow this. It happens way too often. Detach, detach, detach. Detach from toxicity and don't think you or anyone can change another person who does not want to be changed. Do not believe in fairytales. Stay calm and live in the present moment. Don't get all excited if one positive event happens with borderline daughter...it is likely a deliberate attempt to make you happy so that the fall will be harder and faster. Be cautious with your heart. Do t he things you love to do with those who treat you with respect and kindness. Reject meanness. Reject games. Remember: Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life and the rest of your life is YOUR story to write. It will be what YOU write there, not what anyone else writes. Your kids are adults now. They are writing their own stories. Nobody can write a story for somebody else. We are always here to "talk" to...24/7 and even on Christmas (a hard time for a lot of us). I am strong from overcoming my weakness and by listening to wiser minds than my own. Had I not listened to others, I would still be crying in my soup because some people didn't like me, including one of my children, my evil mother, my borderline, lifelong eating disordered sister, my clueless brother... and I would not so GREATLY appreciate those I have who care for me, and the serene life I live. NOBODY WILL TAKE MY GIFTS FROM ME EVER AGAIN. Just say "no" to toxic people and say "yes" to happiness for yourself. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
Top