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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="Lioness" data-source="post: 651544" data-attributes="member: 18827"><p>Thank you for your kind words, I cling to them I really do. Today is Mothers Day, my youngest is 4 hours away at University and i received a card in the post with chocolates yesterday. She rang me first thing this morning to wish me a Happy Mothers day and to apologise for not being there. But I understand as she has exams. She is a sweet girl and I know she means it. She sensed the pain in my voice, when I told her it was just me and her brother going out for lunch today. The Borderline (BPD) daughter rang me early this morning to say the baby had been sick in the night and what should she do??!! She then texted me a happy mothers day. She never sent a card or anything. Her husband is a multi millionaire, yet she couldn't send a card. But then I suppose that would be hypocritical of her. She had no intention of seeing me today as she said she wanted to spend the day with the baby not me. Its her brothers birthday too, but she said she has arranged to go out with him for lunch on Monday instead. Why does she bother to even ring me about the baby? I have to be kind and tell her what to do to make the baby better. But if I am such a dreadful mother, why call me at all? If it weren't for the baby, I think I would cut myself off from her completely. I have had a serious discussion with my husband, and once my youngest leaves home this September as her rich Dad my ex has bought her an apartment. I will rent my house out for 6 months and go travelling. Its time for me. If I am being accused of being so awful, then I may as well live a little. I have always put everyone above me from aged 17 when I left home. I suffered an abusive childhood, left at 17 took care of myself. Then brought up a family on my own. I have had a mortgage since aged 19 years, I went to work so my ex husband could go to University. We built up a business together, both from very poor backgrounds. Then when we had it all, he went off and left us. Well its time for me now. I no longer wish to be a door mat. If I don't respect myself, no one else will. I love my kids but enoughs, enough. They always feel sorry for my eldest daughter as she plays the victim and turns on the tears so well. I do not wish to play or be the victim. I am a survivor, and I have survived alot of bad things in my life. I have no desire to carry on with things the way they are. I will not contact her unless she calls or messages me. My youngest is a lovely, thoughtful child and she has a auto immune disease and needs me to care for her at times. This is the only thing and my Grand daughter keeping me here. If we do go travelling, I will return if she is unwell I will make it clear to her as I know she worries about it. Her sister would never help her, even though her house is less than 10 minutes from the youngests apartment. If I die I know they will not look out for each other, even though I have tried to instill this in them. I have been too available, and accomodating going above and beyond to make up for my crappy childhood. And for their absent father as emotionally and physically he is never and never will be there for them. This I worry about. However I am 52 years old now, I don't wish to hurt anyone, but its time I got on with my life. I know this. I lie awake at nights worrying about the baby and how her mother will effect her. If my daughter blames me for everything and has "issues" because of me, how on earth will my Grand daughter feel about her Mum? I know that my Mum too is ill has Borderline Personality, coupled with Psychosis and Narcisstic tendencies. She was sectioned a few years ago, sadly. I see many similiarities with my daughter, but she has a heart deep down and some time this surfaces, whereas my mum never showed any love to us or anyone ever. I feel very torn at the moment, don't know how I will get through this year but will try. I owe it to myself, I know I am not a bad person. I make mistakes like everyone does, but I am not a malicious person. I have good friends,husband, two kids that love me most of the time, a loving cat and my Grand mother in heaven watching over me. I have blessings. I am a typical pisces who wants the world to be a loving one. It hurts me to see others in pain. But I have to acknowledge my own pain. I hope I don't come across as too self involved. Please do not judge me. The pain in my heart and sickness in my stomach is there from the time I go to bed, and first thing in the morning. The disappointment is too great for me to bare. I thought she had changed once she had the baby, as she was kinder to me. Once she started counselling she reverted back to hating me. Thank you all for your kind and wise words. I will keep a strong resolve, I promise I will try not to succumb to her hot cold game. Hugs to you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lioness, post: 651544, member: 18827"] Thank you for your kind words, I cling to them I really do. Today is Mothers Day, my youngest is 4 hours away at University and i received a card in the post with chocolates yesterday. She rang me first thing this morning to wish me a Happy Mothers day and to apologise for not being there. But I understand as she has exams. She is a sweet girl and I know she means it. She sensed the pain in my voice, when I told her it was just me and her brother going out for lunch today. The Borderline (BPD) daughter rang me early this morning to say the baby had been sick in the night and what should she do??!! She then texted me a happy mothers day. She never sent a card or anything. Her husband is a multi millionaire, yet she couldn't send a card. But then I suppose that would be hypocritical of her. She had no intention of seeing me today as she said she wanted to spend the day with the baby not me. Its her brothers birthday too, but she said she has arranged to go out with him for lunch on Monday instead. Why does she bother to even ring me about the baby? I have to be kind and tell her what to do to make the baby better. But if I am such a dreadful mother, why call me at all? If it weren't for the baby, I think I would cut myself off from her completely. I have had a serious discussion with my husband, and once my youngest leaves home this September as her rich Dad my ex has bought her an apartment. I will rent my house out for 6 months and go travelling. Its time for me. If I am being accused of being so awful, then I may as well live a little. I have always put everyone above me from aged 17 when I left home. I suffered an abusive childhood, left at 17 took care of myself. Then brought up a family on my own. I have had a mortgage since aged 19 years, I went to work so my ex husband could go to University. We built up a business together, both from very poor backgrounds. Then when we had it all, he went off and left us. Well its time for me now. I no longer wish to be a door mat. If I don't respect myself, no one else will. I love my kids but enoughs, enough. They always feel sorry for my eldest daughter as she plays the victim and turns on the tears so well. I do not wish to play or be the victim. I am a survivor, and I have survived alot of bad things in my life. I have no desire to carry on with things the way they are. I will not contact her unless she calls or messages me. My youngest is a lovely, thoughtful child and she has a auto immune disease and needs me to care for her at times. This is the only thing and my Grand daughter keeping me here. If we do go travelling, I will return if she is unwell I will make it clear to her as I know she worries about it. Her sister would never help her, even though her house is less than 10 minutes from the youngests apartment. If I die I know they will not look out for each other, even though I have tried to instill this in them. I have been too available, and accomodating going above and beyond to make up for my crappy childhood. And for their absent father as emotionally and physically he is never and never will be there for them. This I worry about. However I am 52 years old now, I don't wish to hurt anyone, but its time I got on with my life. I know this. I lie awake at nights worrying about the baby and how her mother will effect her. If my daughter blames me for everything and has "issues" because of me, how on earth will my Grand daughter feel about her Mum? I know that my Mum too is ill has Borderline Personality, coupled with Psychosis and Narcisstic tendencies. She was sectioned a few years ago, sadly. I see many similiarities with my daughter, but she has a heart deep down and some time this surfaces, whereas my mum never showed any love to us or anyone ever. I feel very torn at the moment, don't know how I will get through this year but will try. I owe it to myself, I know I am not a bad person. I make mistakes like everyone does, but I am not a malicious person. I have good friends,husband, two kids that love me most of the time, a loving cat and my Grand mother in heaven watching over me. I have blessings. I am a typical pisces who wants the world to be a loving one. It hurts me to see others in pain. But I have to acknowledge my own pain. I hope I don't come across as too self involved. Please do not judge me. The pain in my heart and sickness in my stomach is there from the time I go to bed, and first thing in the morning. The disappointment is too great for me to bare. I thought she had changed once she had the baby, as she was kinder to me. Once she started counselling she reverted back to hating me. Thank you all for your kind and wise words. I will keep a strong resolve, I promise I will try not to succumb to her hot cold game. Hugs to you all. [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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