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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 651592" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>There was a time, not so long ago either, when homosexuality was believed to have been caused by something bad the mother did.</p><p></p><p>Thieves, prostitutes, and mass murderers were believed to have "mother issues."</p><p></p><p>There was nothing that was not attributed to inappropriate bonding with the mother.</p><p></p><p>They were wrong about the things I have listed and, for the most part, they are wrong about bad parenting as a cause of anything ~ or, of good parenting as a cause of good behavior. </p><p></p><p>The genetics piece I fully agree with. MWM's and 2 Much posts on the genetics connection have been so helpful to me, both in figuring out my family of origin and in knowing how best to make a difference for my kids.</p><p></p><p>We want to teach them to rely on themselves.</p><p></p><p>That is the gold standard.</p><p></p><p>I think they have no choice about whether to love us, any more than we can turn our love for them ~ or for anyone in our lives ~ off and on easily. But I do think illness or drug addiction twists and makes them mean. </p><p></p><p>They take alot of that meanness out on us because we are the only ones who still care about and listen to them.</p><p></p><p>Mother love is an amazing thing.</p><p></p><p>We need to learn how to face what is happening to our kids without letting it destroy us. </p><p></p><p>We need to become really healthy, to do that.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No.</p><p></p><p>You did not fail your child.</p><p></p><p>If anything, what our children needed was a firmer hand. But I think that isn't it, either. What our children needed was not to get involved with drug use.</p><p>Addiction is not something a mother can fix. The best thing for the mom (or dad) of an addicted child to do is let go, lest the addiction destroy you, too.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing simple or easy about understanding how to do what we need to do to help our kids and ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are here with us.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>True.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>True.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>To do this was an amazing learning experience for me. It was through this information that I was able to stop blaming myself for the way things just seemed to fall apart ~ or worse.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>But if we read through the information on genetics posted by 2Much and MWM, we can ease off on punishing ourselves about how and why. In my experience, once we can let go of that guilt, we can begin learning instead how to interact with our children in healthier ways.</p><p></p><p>Small steps.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is helpful to them too, I think. </p><p></p><p>A little healthier here, a little healthier there, and things begin to get better.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No, we're not foolish, Billy. We are learning how to do this. </p><p></p><p>Just look how differently you are describing your situation, already.</p><p></p><p>Good job!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>So difficult to think this way, especially at first. It does seem to be true, though.</p><p></p><p>Thinking of my mother and my sister, here.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 651592, member: 17461"] There was a time, not so long ago either, when homosexuality was believed to have been caused by something bad the mother did. Thieves, prostitutes, and mass murderers were believed to have "mother issues." There was nothing that was not attributed to inappropriate bonding with the mother. They were wrong about the things I have listed and, for the most part, they are wrong about bad parenting as a cause of anything ~ or, of good parenting as a cause of good behavior. The genetics piece I fully agree with. MWM's and 2 Much posts on the genetics connection have been so helpful to me, both in figuring out my family of origin and in knowing how best to make a difference for my kids. We want to teach them to rely on themselves. That is the gold standard. I think they have no choice about whether to love us, any more than we can turn our love for them ~ or for anyone in our lives ~ off and on easily. But I do think illness or drug addiction twists and makes them mean. They take alot of that meanness out on us because we are the only ones who still care about and listen to them. Mother love is an amazing thing. We need to learn how to face what is happening to our kids without letting it destroy us. We need to become really healthy, to do that. No. You did not fail your child. If anything, what our children needed was a firmer hand. But I think that isn't it, either. What our children needed was not to get involved with drug use. Addiction is not something a mother can fix. The best thing for the mom (or dad) of an addicted child to do is let go, lest the addiction destroy you, too. There is nothing simple or easy about understanding how to do what we need to do to help our kids and ourselves. I am glad you are here with us. True. True. To do this was an amazing learning experience for me. It was through this information that I was able to stop blaming myself for the way things just seemed to fall apart ~ or worse. But if we read through the information on genetics posted by 2Much and MWM, we can ease off on punishing ourselves about how and why. In my experience, once we can let go of that guilt, we can begin learning instead how to interact with our children in healthier ways. Small steps. It is helpful to them too, I think. A little healthier here, a little healthier there, and things begin to get better. No, we're not foolish, Billy. We are learning how to do this. Just look how differently you are describing your situation, already. Good job! Yes. So difficult to think this way, especially at first. It does seem to be true, though. Thinking of my mother and my sister, here. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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