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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 655643" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. What a sad story. By the way, this is a very old post. You may want to start one of your own. Just click on "New Topic." Your post will get more visibility and you will get more support, which is what we are best at.</p><p></p><p>We don't all take the abuse. I won't. Most of here have learned not to allow our adult children to abuse us. And you can learn to not take it too. It demeans us and doesn't help anybody, not our adult kids and not our grandchildren. On this forum, we learn how to detach with love.</p><p></p><p>My very first question is, what's with your daughter. You talk a lot about this boyfriend, but she picked him. Are they doing drugs? Did you document his FB postings and take it to the police? I would think that those incidents would be enough to have CPS hot on his tail. Did you try to handle it yourself, within the family? If so...don't do it again that way, please. If you love your grandchildren, even if your daughter goes ballistic on you, you have to protect them by alerting the authorities, not trying to take it into your own hands. That will not work. They need to be away from this boyfriend and probably your daughter too if she allowed this boyfriend to kill your dog, for goodness sake. How sick. Both of them are sick, but you can't fix them or help your grandchildren without the police or CPS. You can't do that yourself. You have to take documentation of abuse and turn them both in. Stop giving her money. Stop it now. Don't give her anything. She is an adult.</p><p></p><p>Going over and over, in your head, how come things came to this is worthless. We've all done it and we never get the truth. Nobody knows the why of it. All we can do is the best WE know how, take good care of us, go out and have fun with our spouses, make friends, get hobbies, exercise, socialize more...when our adult children turn out to be criminals or heartless or both, we are not going to be involved grandparents because either they will take those grandchildren from us as punishment or they will lose custody of the grandchildren and they will go to foster care. The only possibility is that they may go to you...your age and circumstances and desires and ability to afford legal help would matter. I have five children, if I am being legally correct, and one won't talk to us...it's been eight years. He has two kids. His wife has a big part of it, even though she doesn't hardly know us, but I can't blame her. My son is his own person and makes his own decisions. He was adopted from a nother country at age six and seems he never really bonded to the family in a normal way. I regret the adoption...he was too old. My three baby adoptees did great...six is just too old. So here I am with a non-son and two legal grandchildren I will never see. I just go on. I have no choice and I'm happy. I have four other kids and two other grands and a life outside of them as well. I count my blessings and do not think about what I can't have. Do you have other children or nieces you are maybe close to with kids? Would you volunteer at a school as a mentor to young kids? Do you love animals? You can get into animal rescue. Just don't give any of your pets to your daughter!!!!</p><p></p><p>I can not control anybody except myself and you can't control your daughter either. You MAY be in a position to help your grandkids if you will take on your daughter and her boyfriend.</p><p></p><p>If you make a new post, or if the mods would be kind enough to make this one a new post, others who are much wiser than me will come here to also support you. We are warrior moms and we are survivors and you have us on your side now. And we're all glad to "Meet" you, although we are sorry that you had to come here. There is nothing you can tell us that will shock us and we are always here to "listen" to a vent and lend a shoulder.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 655643, member: 1550"] Hi there. What a sad story. By the way, this is a very old post. You may want to start one of your own. Just click on "New Topic." Your post will get more visibility and you will get more support, which is what we are best at. We don't all take the abuse. I won't. Most of here have learned not to allow our adult children to abuse us. And you can learn to not take it too. It demeans us and doesn't help anybody, not our adult kids and not our grandchildren. On this forum, we learn how to detach with love. My very first question is, what's with your daughter. You talk a lot about this boyfriend, but she picked him. Are they doing drugs? Did you document his FB postings and take it to the police? I would think that those incidents would be enough to have CPS hot on his tail. Did you try to handle it yourself, within the family? If so...don't do it again that way, please. If you love your grandchildren, even if your daughter goes ballistic on you, you have to protect them by alerting the authorities, not trying to take it into your own hands. That will not work. They need to be away from this boyfriend and probably your daughter too if she allowed this boyfriend to kill your dog, for goodness sake. How sick. Both of them are sick, but you can't fix them or help your grandchildren without the police or CPS. You can't do that yourself. You have to take documentation of abuse and turn them both in. Stop giving her money. Stop it now. Don't give her anything. She is an adult. Going over and over, in your head, how come things came to this is worthless. We've all done it and we never get the truth. Nobody knows the why of it. All we can do is the best WE know how, take good care of us, go out and have fun with our spouses, make friends, get hobbies, exercise, socialize more...when our adult children turn out to be criminals or heartless or both, we are not going to be involved grandparents because either they will take those grandchildren from us as punishment or they will lose custody of the grandchildren and they will go to foster care. The only possibility is that they may go to you...your age and circumstances and desires and ability to afford legal help would matter. I have five children, if I am being legally correct, and one won't talk to us...it's been eight years. He has two kids. His wife has a big part of it, even though she doesn't hardly know us, but I can't blame her. My son is his own person and makes his own decisions. He was adopted from a nother country at age six and seems he never really bonded to the family in a normal way. I regret the adoption...he was too old. My three baby adoptees did great...six is just too old. So here I am with a non-son and two legal grandchildren I will never see. I just go on. I have no choice and I'm happy. I have four other kids and two other grands and a life outside of them as well. I count my blessings and do not think about what I can't have. Do you have other children or nieces you are maybe close to with kids? Would you volunteer at a school as a mentor to young kids? Do you love animals? You can get into animal rescue. Just don't give any of your pets to your daughter!!!! I can not control anybody except myself and you can't control your daughter either. You MAY be in a position to help your grandkids if you will take on your daughter and her boyfriend. If you make a new post, or if the mods would be kind enough to make this one a new post, others who are much wiser than me will come here to also support you. We are warrior moms and we are survivors and you have us on your side now. And we're all glad to "Meet" you, although we are sorry that you had to come here. There is nothing you can tell us that will shock us and we are always here to "listen" to a vent and lend a shoulder. [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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