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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="Ironbutterfly" data-source="post: 681594" data-attributes="member: 19951"><p>Hi and welcome. Wow- Your story just touched me in many ways. First, your daughter is not a nice person. Your daughter is a taker not a giver. You are a giver. Your daughter is gas-lighting you. Read the article on that here in the forum. She is emotionally abusive to you. So let me point out somethings in bullet points:</p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">You had cancer, she couldn't help you with anything</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">You asked if she was going shopping if you could go with, Nope.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">She is evasive when you ask her simple questions</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">She wouldn't help you with her hair</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">She gets mad if you don't help her, give her money</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">You have let her move in with you with a boyfriend, sometimes no boyfriend</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">You give her money to buy other people presents but she gives you a card</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">She doesn't have the decency to make you feel welcomed to spend Christmas with her; she is ok with you spending it by yourself</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">She insults you with her comments about helping you with your hair; her little to no conversation</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">She disrespects you with every conversation or at every meeting.</li> </ul><p>You my lady have to get really mad and pissed off to the point that you decide today that you will no longer allow her to treat you this way. I love what SomeWhereOutThere said for you to say to her next time you talk to her and she treats you like crap. Do it. YOU have given her way too much power over your happiness. Quit eating her crap on a spoon. </p><p></p><p>Step away from all of it- for a while. We here have all enabled our children for many reasons and we are here to learn from our mistakes and to see the damage that it does to us and to our adult children and other family, friends.</p><p></p><p>I was so a giver for many years way into my 30's. I was sucked dry emotionally, physically until one day light-bulb when on and I said no more. I will learn to start saying NO. And I did. I let go of people who sucked me dry and never looked back. I just took a tough crap attitude towards them because it became self-preservation for me. When I need my friends and certain family members, they weren't there. I wised up and took my life back as I was the only one who could change things for me. Life became so much better after I took my life back and stopped letting people walk all over me</p><p></p><p>Do one thing to get out and about- even if it is a simple walk down the street and back. Every day, go a little further. Join a book club, take a class in something, arts and crafts, library, community stuff. Start finding ways to fill your life with other things then your daughter. </p><p></p><p>Let daughter call you- don't ask questions and don't give her money, period. Tell her you are meeting some friends and would love to talk but have to get going, etc. This will mean time away from seeing grand-daughter, daughter for a while. But you need time to heal, recover, find your own life outside of them. Write a bucket list- do one thing at a time on that list. </p><p></p><p>Read the detachment document on this forum, print it out. Read it daily. You have to start accepting that your daughter isn't going to "make you happy" anytime soon. Accept that fact. But you can take your life back. Starting today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ironbutterfly, post: 681594, member: 19951"] Hi and welcome. Wow- Your story just touched me in many ways. First, your daughter is not a nice person. Your daughter is a taker not a giver. You are a giver. Your daughter is gas-lighting you. Read the article on that here in the forum. She is emotionally abusive to you. So let me point out somethings in bullet points: [LIST] [*]You had cancer, she couldn't help you with anything [*]You asked if she was going shopping if you could go with, Nope. [*]She is evasive when you ask her simple questions [*]She wouldn't help you with her hair [*]She gets mad if you don't help her, give her money [*]You have let her move in with you with a boyfriend, sometimes no boyfriend [*]You give her money to buy other people presents but she gives you a card [*]She doesn't have the decency to make you feel welcomed to spend Christmas with her; she is ok with you spending it by yourself [*]She insults you with her comments about helping you with your hair; her little to no conversation [*]She disrespects you with every conversation or at every meeting. [/LIST] You my lady have to get really mad and pissed off to the point that you decide today that you will no longer allow her to treat you this way. I love what SomeWhereOutThere said for you to say to her next time you talk to her and she treats you like crap. Do it. YOU have given her way too much power over your happiness. Quit eating her crap on a spoon. Step away from all of it- for a while. We here have all enabled our children for many reasons and we are here to learn from our mistakes and to see the damage that it does to us and to our adult children and other family, friends. I was so a giver for many years way into my 30's. I was sucked dry emotionally, physically until one day light-bulb when on and I said no more. I will learn to start saying NO. And I did. I let go of people who sucked me dry and never looked back. I just took a tough crap attitude towards them because it became self-preservation for me. When I need my friends and certain family members, they weren't there. I wised up and took my life back as I was the only one who could change things for me. Life became so much better after I took my life back and stopped letting people walk all over me Do one thing to get out and about- even if it is a simple walk down the street and back. Every day, go a little further. Join a book club, take a class in something, arts and crafts, library, community stuff. Start finding ways to fill your life with other things then your daughter. Let daughter call you- don't ask questions and don't give her money, period. Tell her you are meeting some friends and would love to talk but have to get going, etc. This will mean time away from seeing grand-daughter, daughter for a while. But you need time to heal, recover, find your own life outside of them. Write a bucket list- do one thing at a time on that list. Read the detachment document on this forum, print it out. Read it daily. You have to start accepting that your daughter isn't going to "make you happy" anytime soon. Accept that fact. But you can take your life back. Starting today. [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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