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What is tough love, detachment, enabling etc?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 622796" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I have also seen research saying tough love is not the best approach....and that love of family is really really important in outcomes of recovery. The problem I have is I do not see those two things as mutually exclusive.... and I think tough love has come to mean to some, something different than it means to me. I think I have gone to every court appearance my son has had, and he has had many. I want the court to see he has the love of his family and it does help. I dont call that enabling. I have visited my son in jail and at one point I thought to myself the only thing keeping my son from becoming a hardened criminal might be the love of his mother!</p><p></p><p>Now that my son is in treatment I drive an our each way every week to go to the parent support group and to see my son. I really am so there for him..... yet I still think we have practiced what to me is tough love.</p><p></p><p>We had to kick him out when he was 18.... and really it was his choice, not mine. He would not follow our very simple rules. He threatened me. I had a daughter who was 15 at the time and had experienced enough trauma from all the drama in the house.... I could not let that continue.</p><p>I let him be homeless a couple of different times after he was kicked out or left programs out of state. What was I do to.... get him a hotel room or apartment to trash? </p><p></p><p>So maybe I dont practive tough love or detachment the way the negative studies about them define it. It certain feels like tough love to me..... and I am definitely more detached than I was a few years ago. I now have boundaries. I now am continuing to live my life no matter where he is at. I will always always love him no matter what.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 622796, member: 15801"] I have also seen research saying tough love is not the best approach....and that love of family is really really important in outcomes of recovery. The problem I have is I do not see those two things as mutually exclusive.... and I think tough love has come to mean to some, something different than it means to me. I think I have gone to every court appearance my son has had, and he has had many. I want the court to see he has the love of his family and it does help. I dont call that enabling. I have visited my son in jail and at one point I thought to myself the only thing keeping my son from becoming a hardened criminal might be the love of his mother! Now that my son is in treatment I drive an our each way every week to go to the parent support group and to see my son. I really am so there for him..... yet I still think we have practiced what to me is tough love. We had to kick him out when he was 18.... and really it was his choice, not mine. He would not follow our very simple rules. He threatened me. I had a daughter who was 15 at the time and had experienced enough trauma from all the drama in the house.... I could not let that continue. I let him be homeless a couple of different times after he was kicked out or left programs out of state. What was I do to.... get him a hotel room or apartment to trash? So maybe I dont practive tough love or detachment the way the negative studies about them define it. It certain feels like tough love to me..... and I am definitely more detached than I was a few years ago. I now have boundaries. I now am continuing to live my life no matter where he is at. I will always always love him no matter what. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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What is tough love, detachment, enabling etc?
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