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Family of Origin
What is your relationship like with your 1st cousins?
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<blockquote data-quote="Wish" data-source="post: 737493" data-attributes="member: 23140"><p>Thank you so much for sharing your experience with this Pink. I am to the TEE like your mother in this way. I feel the same as she does. The same.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, all the above. Although I feel this way about all of my cousins on both sides, it is this particular set of cousins that are the problem for me at the moment. They are my mother's older brother's children. There are four of them. I am the oldest out of all the cousins on this side and then I have my younger brother. So on my mother's side and their father's side, there are only six of us 1st cousins total. Me, my brother and the four kids. Anyway, I adored my younger cousins growing up. When the two youngest were born, they were like my own baby dolls. I loved and doted on them. I loved, loved, loved kids and I was so happy to have two baby cousins. I played with them, took them to the playground, I did everything with them when they came to visit, etc.. (again, tears, this is so hard because I am painfully reminded of how they did none of this for my daughter). It is when they got older and I saw the way they treated my daughter is what hurt me to the core and began the hard feelings.</p><p></p><p>A quick explanation of why I think me and my brother were treated so differently. My father and my mother were both "difficult children" within their own families. Both sides of our family and extended did really well in life. Had lots money. They were all for the most part very happy. Had everything. My parents were the only one's who had major, major, major problems. On welfare. You name it. So my brother and I were treated as the "ew kids" and "just politely ignore them" of the family and it got worse and worse as we got older. My brother and I were so totally different then the rest of our family , aunt's , uncles, cousins, distant relatives, it' wasn't even funny. We stuck out like sore thumbs and that would be an understatement. It was so hard growing up in a family were no one even came close to the circumstances you were growing up in. It seperated us mentally big time.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I digress.</p><p></p><p>The reason why I have been feeling extra about all of this in the last 6 years I would say is because each of my younger cousins have been getting married, having kids, everything left and right. I seperated myself from them about 15-20 years ago and haven't seen them physically in about 10 years. So it hit me how much I did miss them when they started to get married and all of that and I hated it. I also was being pressured to go their events and I refused to go. Finally, the youngest cousin got married this past June. This is why me and my daughter went back to our hometown (I had another post about this). It was a nightmare trip for me. I didn't want to go. I only went to escort my daughter so she didn't have to drive 10 hours by herself. This is the damn trip that I got sick on. Anyway I digress again, I'll try to get back to the point. I thought finally, finally, they are all married, I am off the hook for any major events for a long time!!!!!</p><p></p><p>To finally answer your question Swot </p><p></p><p>My cousin within these four siblings (he is the second oldest and not the one who got married in June), he said a few nasty things to me over the years that I have never forgotten. It stayed with me in my heart that's how painful it was. Anyway, the reason why I am feeling so extra about all of this is now his health took a turn for a worse. He is for the most part, dying and he is dying a painful and slow death and I think he will be dead soon. And I don't want to go to the funeral. To be in a room with all of those people who I haven't even seen in god knows how many years and all their weddings that I missed, I rather die myself. The pressure will be so intense for me to go. I am thinking of actually breaking my own leg and arm so this way I have a good enough excuse not to go. I know I am a horrible person.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Wish, post: 737493, member: 23140"] Thank you so much for sharing your experience with this Pink. I am to the TEE like your mother in this way. I feel the same as she does. The same. Yes, all the above. Although I feel this way about all of my cousins on both sides, it is this particular set of cousins that are the problem for me at the moment. They are my mother's older brother's children. There are four of them. I am the oldest out of all the cousins on this side and then I have my younger brother. So on my mother's side and their father's side, there are only six of us 1st cousins total. Me, my brother and the four kids. Anyway, I adored my younger cousins growing up. When the two youngest were born, they were like my own baby dolls. I loved and doted on them. I loved, loved, loved kids and I was so happy to have two baby cousins. I played with them, took them to the playground, I did everything with them when they came to visit, etc.. (again, tears, this is so hard because I am painfully reminded of how they did none of this for my daughter). It is when they got older and I saw the way they treated my daughter is what hurt me to the core and began the hard feelings. A quick explanation of why I think me and my brother were treated so differently. My father and my mother were both "difficult children" within their own families. Both sides of our family and extended did really well in life. Had lots money. They were all for the most part very happy. Had everything. My parents were the only one's who had major, major, major problems. On welfare. You name it. So my brother and I were treated as the "ew kids" and "just politely ignore them" of the family and it got worse and worse as we got older. My brother and I were so totally different then the rest of our family , aunt's , uncles, cousins, distant relatives, it' wasn't even funny. We stuck out like sore thumbs and that would be an understatement. It was so hard growing up in a family were no one even came close to the circumstances you were growing up in. It seperated us mentally big time. Anyway, I digress. The reason why I have been feeling extra about all of this in the last 6 years I would say is because each of my younger cousins have been getting married, having kids, everything left and right. I seperated myself from them about 15-20 years ago and haven't seen them physically in about 10 years. So it hit me how much I did miss them when they started to get married and all of that and I hated it. I also was being pressured to go their events and I refused to go. Finally, the youngest cousin got married this past June. This is why me and my daughter went back to our hometown (I had another post about this). It was a nightmare trip for me. I didn't want to go. I only went to escort my daughter so she didn't have to drive 10 hours by herself. This is the damn trip that I got sick on. Anyway I digress again, I'll try to get back to the point. I thought finally, finally, they are all married, I am off the hook for any major events for a long time!!!!! To finally answer your question Swot My cousin within these four siblings (he is the second oldest and not the one who got married in June), he said a few nasty things to me over the years that I have never forgotten. It stayed with me in my heart that's how painful it was. Anyway, the reason why I am feeling so extra about all of this is now his health took a turn for a worse. He is for the most part, dying and he is dying a painful and slow death and I think he will be dead soon. And I don't want to go to the funeral. To be in a room with all of those people who I haven't even seen in god knows how many years and all their weddings that I missed, I rather die myself. The pressure will be so intense for me to go. I am thinking of actually breaking my own leg and arm so this way I have a good enough excuse not to go. I know I am a horrible person. [/QUOTE]
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