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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 193149" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>I was able to step back and detach when my kids reached the age of 18. I have no trouble letting them stumble and fall. I have no trouble with them dealing with concequences of their actions be they good or bad. I have no trouble seeing them as adults.</p><p> </p><p>I started the process of detaching once each child entered high school. As each of those 4 years passed I did less and less for them, so that by the senior year I was doing very darn little in the way of decision making and such. During this process I was preparing myself for the enevitable as much as I was them. Although I wasn't consciously aware of it at the time.</p><p> </p><p>This doesn't mean that I don't worry. It doesn't mean that I don't get mad or frustrated. Because as you all know I do. lol But I know that what I feel and want for them doesn't matter. I have no control over their actions any more than I do that of a complete stranger. I did my job for 18 years. It either took, or didn't. I did my utter best. Now it's up to them to take the ball and run with it, or not. </p><p> </p><p>I know that their actions as an adult are not a reflection of my parenting. I know that because my actions as an adult are not a reflection of the parenting I recieved. That was my foundation. I made my own choices based on what I felt was right and good for me, not my parents. I made mistakes, some huge and some small, but I lived thru it and I think it made me a better person. I didn't make those choices thinking <strong>Ohhhh, this will make my Mom miserable. Or this will thrill her to death. </strong></p><p> </p><p>I'm like any other parent. Except I do my utter best to keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself. That's it. (often that's the hardest part) And I don't let myself rescue. The single time I did I got burned so badly I will never, ever let it happen again.</p><p> </p><p>If that's cold hearted. Well, then I am. But I look at it this way.........</p><p> </p><p>If I don't take credit for their successes in life.....why on earth would I want to take credit for their mistakes??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 193149, member: 84"] I was able to step back and detach when my kids reached the age of 18. I have no trouble letting them stumble and fall. I have no trouble with them dealing with concequences of their actions be they good or bad. I have no trouble seeing them as adults. I started the process of detaching once each child entered high school. As each of those 4 years passed I did less and less for them, so that by the senior year I was doing very darn little in the way of decision making and such. During this process I was preparing myself for the enevitable as much as I was them. Although I wasn't consciously aware of it at the time. This doesn't mean that I don't worry. It doesn't mean that I don't get mad or frustrated. Because as you all know I do. lol But I know that what I feel and want for them doesn't matter. I have no control over their actions any more than I do that of a complete stranger. I did my job for 18 years. It either took, or didn't. I did my utter best. Now it's up to them to take the ball and run with it, or not. I know that their actions as an adult are not a reflection of my parenting. I know that because my actions as an adult are not a reflection of the parenting I recieved. That was my foundation. I made my own choices based on what I felt was right and good for me, not my parents. I made mistakes, some huge and some small, but I lived thru it and I think it made me a better person. I didn't make those choices thinking [B]Ohhhh, this will make my Mom miserable. Or this will thrill her to death. [/B] I'm like any other parent. Except I do my utter best to keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself. That's it. (often that's the hardest part) And I don't let myself rescue. The single time I did I got burned so badly I will never, ever let it happen again. If that's cold hearted. Well, then I am. But I look at it this way......... If I don't take credit for their successes in life.....why on earth would I want to take credit for their mistakes?? [/QUOTE]
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