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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 193215" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>Great post, Lisa! I especially liked what you said about your adult actions not being reflective of the parenting you received. I think my parents were the furthest thing from my mind when I was a young adult living my life! I did stupid, careless things but there was a sort of invisible line inside me which I wouldn't cross. I knew right from wrong and if I chose to do wrong it wasn't my parents' fault, it was despite what they taught me. And, it wasn't up to them to rescue me or lecture me or try to save me from myself. And, further, they didn't even know what I was up to so they couldn't do anything anyway! </p><p></p><p>I don't feel guilty anymore either. My difficult child 1 is her own person and will do what she wants--she always has. She wasn't raised to be a thief or liar or a con artist, yet that is what she seems to be. It really helps to have her far away so I don't have to actually see her in action. Yes, I think about her and worry some about her but it doesn't keep me from living my own life and enjoying my life. I don't think my life should just come to a standstill because she is a difficult child.</p><p></p><p>I also like what Lisa said about not taking credit for their successes, why would she take credit for their mistakes? Yet, that is what so many people do. You see the smug parents who only have pcs and they feel it is because they were great parents. They live vicariously through their kids. I know many of my difficult child 2/easy child's friends' parents have their identity totally through their kids so they put a lot of pressure on them to succeed. One good thing about having a difficult child is it teaches you humility! You see that you are not as powerful and important as you thought and that your children really are their own people, they are not little puppets under your control. I find I have a lot more empathy for others now and am not so judgmental.</p><p></p><p>Thanks,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 193215, member: 3208"] Great post, Lisa! I especially liked what you said about your adult actions not being reflective of the parenting you received. I think my parents were the furthest thing from my mind when I was a young adult living my life! I did stupid, careless things but there was a sort of invisible line inside me which I wouldn't cross. I knew right from wrong and if I chose to do wrong it wasn't my parents' fault, it was despite what they taught me. And, it wasn't up to them to rescue me or lecture me or try to save me from myself. And, further, they didn't even know what I was up to so they couldn't do anything anyway! I don't feel guilty anymore either. My difficult child 1 is her own person and will do what she wants--she always has. She wasn't raised to be a thief or liar or a con artist, yet that is what she seems to be. It really helps to have her far away so I don't have to actually see her in action. Yes, I think about her and worry some about her but it doesn't keep me from living my own life and enjoying my life. I don't think my life should just come to a standstill because she is a difficult child. I also like what Lisa said about not taking credit for their successes, why would she take credit for their mistakes? Yet, that is what so many people do. You see the smug parents who only have pcs and they feel it is because they were great parents. They live vicariously through their kids. I know many of my difficult child 2/easy child's friends' parents have their identity totally through their kids so they put a lot of pressure on them to succeed. One good thing about having a difficult child is it teaches you humility! You see that you are not as powerful and important as you thought and that your children really are their own people, they are not little puppets under your control. I find I have a lot more empathy for others now and am not so judgmental. Thanks, Jane [/QUOTE]
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