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<blockquote data-quote="goldenguru" data-source="post: 193898" data-attributes="member: 1545"><p>Wow. I am overwhelmed by the amazing insights from you all. </p><p></p><p>To recap:</p><p></p><p>Detachment is a process - not a single decision. I suppose the more I am required to detach - the more like second nature it should become. There are those of us who appear to detach with less struggle than others. Daisylover - I admire your ability to "let them stumble and fall" with such amazing objectivity. For some of us it sounds like detaching is/was a matter of personal survival. Nomad - I appreciate your idea of perspective. Certain of our children may need some extra support - but our goal should be to make them more self supportive over time. </p><p></p><p>Oh Star - I wish I could come and hug your neck. I can just feel your pain. I am so sorry. Your words make so much sense to me. Our kids are broken and nobody seems to understand that. Our prison population is comprised mostly of broken people. Not bad people - broken, misunderstood, maladaptive, hurting people. Maybe in spending 3/4 of our Mother's lives advocating for them - we lose the ability to do anything else. Even when they are adults and making their own choices we still are drawn into the fixer - advocate - make the world understand mode. Gosh this makes so much sense to me.</p><p></p><p>There is something so helpless in the realization that we can no longer advocate/fix/rescue our kids. Ya know?</p><p></p><p>My hope for us all - is that as we struggle to understand our new roles with our adult children we will have enough personal insight and wherewithal to move toward detachment. </p><p></p><p>Thanks again for the wisdom.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="goldenguru, post: 193898, member: 1545"] Wow. I am overwhelmed by the amazing insights from you all. To recap: Detachment is a process - not a single decision. I suppose the more I am required to detach - the more like second nature it should become. There are those of us who appear to detach with less struggle than others. Daisylover - I admire your ability to "let them stumble and fall" with such amazing objectivity. For some of us it sounds like detaching is/was a matter of personal survival. Nomad - I appreciate your idea of perspective. Certain of our children may need some extra support - but our goal should be to make them more self supportive over time. Oh Star - I wish I could come and hug your neck. I can just feel your pain. I am so sorry. Your words make so much sense to me. Our kids are broken and nobody seems to understand that. Our prison population is comprised mostly of broken people. Not bad people - broken, misunderstood, maladaptive, hurting people. Maybe in spending 3/4 of our Mother's lives advocating for them - we lose the ability to do anything else. Even when they are adults and making their own choices we still are drawn into the fixer - advocate - make the world understand mode. Gosh this makes so much sense to me. There is something so helpless in the realization that we can no longer advocate/fix/rescue our kids. Ya know? My hope for us all - is that as we struggle to understand our new roles with our adult children we will have enough personal insight and wherewithal to move toward detachment. Thanks again for the wisdom. [/QUOTE]
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