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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 756818" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Thank you, OW, I am exactly afraid of what you are describing - that she would just go outside and get high and come back in. Work around my rules.</p><p></p><p>We sat her down and had a talk with her. Reiterated the rule of no drugs, alcohol, or paraphernalia on the property with her (she thought it was the house and I wasn't sure whether she was aware of that; she was not) . She said the pipe set with grinder was for a friend. We told her to get rid of it, or park the car off property. She said she would have to go back to work to drop the pipe off to the friend. I kind of believe her. It's something she would do. It's a nice set. I feel foolish. I feel I made too much of this. </p><p></p><p>We said she had to pay rent starting May 1 or move out,husband made her give me the gym money she owed me, and we said her staying her wasn't working , she was unhappy and we want her to be happy, so to save her money during lock down so she can move out afterwards. </p><p></p><p>I feel like I have jumped to conclusions. I could have asked her about the safe and about the box that arrived. Someone in Al-Anon said I should wait until I was calm and to pray about it first. I did not. I was and still am full of anxiety and should not have talked to her in that state. I could have waited the situation out. That was husband's first suggestion. I could have observed whether she was going to car a lot or not. I do this a lot: I suspect things and draw conclusions without checking in with people first. I am afraid our relationship is wnow broken , but really wasn't it broken before? </p><p></p><p>She was very upset I told husband that she had said she was living in an abusive situation, said when she is honest with me, I betray her trust. That it's not ok I told her Dad what she said to me. I said we provide a loving home and are kind to her and I did feel husband needed to know how she felt. She was crying at this point and said we have been abusive since going to AA. Never mind that before AA she said we had been abusive during her childhood. I am so raw and so tired of all of this. And how much of it am I self creating? And why do I always make a plan, enact it, and then waffle back and forth and make myself feel guilty and that I had been wrong????</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 756818, member: 24254"] Thank you, OW, I am exactly afraid of what you are describing - that she would just go outside and get high and come back in. Work around my rules. We sat her down and had a talk with her. Reiterated the rule of no drugs, alcohol, or paraphernalia on the property with her (she thought it was the house and I wasn't sure whether she was aware of that; she was not) . She said the pipe set with grinder was for a friend. We told her to get rid of it, or park the car off property. She said she would have to go back to work to drop the pipe off to the friend. I kind of believe her. It's something she would do. It's a nice set. I feel foolish. I feel I made too much of this. We said she had to pay rent starting May 1 or move out,husband made her give me the gym money she owed me, and we said her staying her wasn't working , she was unhappy and we want her to be happy, so to save her money during lock down so she can move out afterwards. I feel like I have jumped to conclusions. I could have asked her about the safe and about the box that arrived. Someone in Al-Anon said I should wait until I was calm and to pray about it first. I did not. I was and still am full of anxiety and should not have talked to her in that state. I could have waited the situation out. That was husband's first suggestion. I could have observed whether she was going to car a lot or not. I do this a lot: I suspect things and draw conclusions without checking in with people first. I am afraid our relationship is wnow broken , but really wasn't it broken before? She was very upset I told husband that she had said she was living in an abusive situation, said when she is honest with me, I betray her trust. That it's not ok I told her Dad what she said to me. I said we provide a loving home and are kind to her and I did feel husband needed to know how she felt. She was crying at this point and said we have been abusive since going to AA. Never mind that before AA she said we had been abusive during her childhood. I am so raw and so tired of all of this. And how much of it am I self creating? And why do I always make a plan, enact it, and then waffle back and forth and make myself feel guilty and that I had been wrong???? [/QUOTE]
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