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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 756844" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Wise,</p><p></p><p>We learn in Al anon that we are "sick" from the disease. I say this with utmost respect and kindness but I hear in your questioning yourself the kind of "sickness" I still am trying to heal from and wonder if you might be experiencing a little bit of that too.</p><p></p><p>For me years of living with an alcoholic and the affects from it have forever changed me. I more often times than not, do not value myself, I second guess my decisions thinking that I'm not capable of making sound, wise decisions. I always worry I am offending someone else with little to no care or concern for myself. These are just a "sampling" of the way the disease has affected me.</p><p></p><p>I think you need to allow yourself the opportunity to make a mistake. If you misjudged your daughter with regards to the safe it doesn't make you abusive or unkind. You are simply working off years and years of experience and gut intuition from past experiences with your daughter in coming to these conclusions. Addicts often (I think unintentionally) are manipulative and can turn the situation around making us think "we've" got it all wrong. We walk away feeling guilty and unworthy. Yuk, I hate that!</p><p></p><p>We don't have to be perfect all the time. I think those are our own self-imposed guidelines from what we suffer with. We beat ourselves up if we do. You wouldn't tell a friend who made a mistake to keep punishing herself for a wrong decision. You'd love her, support her and strengthen her up. Why can't we do the same for ourselves?</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 756844, member: 23405"] Wise, We learn in Al anon that we are "sick" from the disease. I say this with utmost respect and kindness but I hear in your questioning yourself the kind of "sickness" I still am trying to heal from and wonder if you might be experiencing a little bit of that too. For me years of living with an alcoholic and the affects from it have forever changed me. I more often times than not, do not value myself, I second guess my decisions thinking that I'm not capable of making sound, wise decisions. I always worry I am offending someone else with little to no care or concern for myself. These are just a "sampling" of the way the disease has affected me. I think you need to allow yourself the opportunity to make a mistake. If you misjudged your daughter with regards to the safe it doesn't make you abusive or unkind. You are simply working off years and years of experience and gut intuition from past experiences with your daughter in coming to these conclusions. Addicts often (I think unintentionally) are manipulative and can turn the situation around making us think "we've" got it all wrong. We walk away feeling guilty and unworthy. Yuk, I hate that! We don't have to be perfect all the time. I think those are our own self-imposed guidelines from what we suffer with. We beat ourselves up if we do. You wouldn't tell a friend who made a mistake to keep punishing herself for a wrong decision. You'd love her, support her and strengthen her up. Why can't we do the same for ourselves? :staystrong: [/QUOTE]
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