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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 756862" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Who cares? Let her. What does it have to do with you? Wise. You run after her. For your own needs. You have control over this. Stop it!</p><p>Why? Why seek somebody out who is treating you badly? What is there to talk about? </p><p></p><p>Wise. She will not, should not, and cannot give you what you believe you need from her. Only you can give yourself that. At one point when you were a baby and child, you sought that from a parent. And did not get it.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter can't give you that. It's not good for her. You can be a good mother to yourself, but it's not your daughter's job to do it.</p><p>This is old news. You can let it go. You have many, many times. But refer above. Why should you seek her out, if she is abusive to you, or DOES NOT WANT TO TALK. Be mad! You've got better things to do.</p><p>You're right. This is in your head. Yes. She does treat you disrespectfully. Maybe it's because she sees you disrespecting yourself, by running after her, or twisting yourself into a pretzel taking responsibility all over the place. Maybe she sees you as always raising your hand to take responsibility for things that have nothing to do with you. </p><p></p><p>But she does not despise you. She may behave despicably, but that does not mean there's anything about you to despise. All of that is in your head, about yourself.</p><p></p><p>On some level all of this has nothing to do with her. These are your issues.</p><p></p><p>I think this needs to be sorted out. You've made a lot of headway. You know now. You want her to stay. That's your position. Your choice. For now.</p><p></p><p>You have no control over her choices, what she does. She may decide to leave next week. Or she may choose to behave so poorly next week that you will choose to have her leave. But for now you know you want her to stay.</p><p></p><p>You can choose to let the book safe go. You can think about what happened and take a moral inventory. What was your part? You can own it. But that doesn't mean you have to have any dialog with her. Let her do her own moral inventory. Or not. That's her business.</p><p></p><p>You only have to take a stand about things that relate to you, your household, your family and your business. Wise. If you want her to stay, you have to give a little. I think you're too much in her business. It's not good for either of you. You have some responsibility to make this work too. Not just her.</p><p></p><p>Any other parent here can have another perspective if they choose. But you have a right to your own. I do think Busy made a good point about the coronavirus. If you feel confident she's being self-protective. Because with that the welfare of all of you are at stake.</p><p></p><p>As far as her compromising, I would not get in any negotiations with her. That gives her way too much power. I would ignore her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 756862, member: 18958"] Who cares? Let her. What does it have to do with you? Wise. You run after her. For your own needs. You have control over this. Stop it! Why? Why seek somebody out who is treating you badly? What is there to talk about? Wise. She will not, should not, and cannot give you what you believe you need from her. Only you can give yourself that. At one point when you were a baby and child, you sought that from a parent. And did not get it. Your daughter can't give you that. It's not good for her. You can be a good mother to yourself, but it's not your daughter's job to do it. This is old news. You can let it go. You have many, many times. But refer above. Why should you seek her out, if she is abusive to you, or DOES NOT WANT TO TALK. Be mad! You've got better things to do. You're right. This is in your head. Yes. She does treat you disrespectfully. Maybe it's because she sees you disrespecting yourself, by running after her, or twisting yourself into a pretzel taking responsibility all over the place. Maybe she sees you as always raising your hand to take responsibility for things that have nothing to do with you. But she does not despise you. She may behave despicably, but that does not mean there's anything about you to despise. All of that is in your head, about yourself. On some level all of this has nothing to do with her. These are your issues. I think this needs to be sorted out. You've made a lot of headway. You know now. You want her to stay. That's your position. Your choice. For now. You have no control over her choices, what she does. She may decide to leave next week. Or she may choose to behave so poorly next week that you will choose to have her leave. But for now you know you want her to stay. You can choose to let the book safe go. You can think about what happened and take a moral inventory. What was your part? You can own it. But that doesn't mean you have to have any dialog with her. Let her do her own moral inventory. Or not. That's her business. You only have to take a stand about things that relate to you, your household, your family and your business. Wise. If you want her to stay, you have to give a little. I think you're too much in her business. It's not good for either of you. You have some responsibility to make this work too. Not just her. Any other parent here can have another perspective if they choose. But you have a right to your own. I do think Busy made a good point about the coronavirus. If you feel confident she's being self-protective. Because with that the welfare of all of you are at stake. As far as her compromising, I would not get in any negotiations with her. That gives her way too much power. I would ignore her. [/QUOTE]
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