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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 756864" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Look. Most children are "verbally abusive" to their mothers at one time or another. We overlook it. First of all, because they're small, or minors, and unable to look after themselves without us, or legally we're unable to throw them out, yet. There is no knee-jerk formula that says, they disrespect us: they're out. We are the parents. We have the power. Hold your own power. Her behavior does not have the power. She does not have the power. You hold the power. You can decide according to criteria you decide upon.</p><p></p><p>We have already established many times over that she is having trouble growing up. She is ambivalent about it. Sometimes she backslides big time and acts like a baby. At the same time she acts like your superior. This is all too ridiculous.</p><p></p><p>You have the right to ignore this, and to consider it all so much noise, too much smoke. Too much ridiculousness. You do not have to let it enter your radar.</p><p></p><p>You are not responsible for her behavior. You are not responsible for her choices. You can't make her by your wishes, wants, efforts to do any one thing. Only she can. If she acts stupidly, you are not responsible to check her like she is 5 years old.</p><p></p><p>When I write that we as parents, I am my son's mother, have a moral obligation, moral imperative, to take a stand that he be a good person, does not mean that I have any power to make this so.</p><p></p><p>With your daughter, she's trying. Anybody could see this. She is not acting corrupt. She's not acting lazy. She's not acting cruelly, Except to you. And you have a part in that.</p><p></p><p>Which is to say that I think you have leeway with her.</p><p>You are NOT abandoning yourself. You're just picking your battles. You're overlooking her defensive, immature, reactive behavior, in large part, for her greater good. This is what being a parent is. Part of it, at least. </p><p></p><p>There may be a point that you decide to view this differently. That you decide it is against her interests to keep tolerating this. Maybe tomorrow you'll see it all differently. But let yourself off the hook today. Please.</p><p></p><p>I think there's a lot to be gained by working this through, rather than taking a stand over something non-consequential. You have a part to take in this. You have learning here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 756864, member: 18958"] Look. Most children are "verbally abusive" to their mothers at one time or another. We overlook it. First of all, because they're small, or minors, and unable to look after themselves without us, or legally we're unable to throw them out, yet. There is no knee-jerk formula that says, they disrespect us: they're out. We are the parents. We have the power. Hold your own power. Her behavior does not have the power. She does not have the power. You hold the power. You can decide according to criteria you decide upon. We have already established many times over that she is having trouble growing up. She is ambivalent about it. Sometimes she backslides big time and acts like a baby. At the same time she acts like your superior. This is all too ridiculous. You have the right to ignore this, and to consider it all so much noise, too much smoke. Too much ridiculousness. You do not have to let it enter your radar. You are not responsible for her behavior. You are not responsible for her choices. You can't make her by your wishes, wants, efforts to do any one thing. Only she can. If she acts stupidly, you are not responsible to check her like she is 5 years old. When I write that we as parents, I am my son's mother, have a moral obligation, moral imperative, to take a stand that he be a good person, does not mean that I have any power to make this so. With your daughter, she's trying. Anybody could see this. She is not acting corrupt. She's not acting lazy. She's not acting cruelly, Except to you. And you have a part in that. Which is to say that I think you have leeway with her. You are NOT abandoning yourself. You're just picking your battles. You're overlooking her defensive, immature, reactive behavior, in large part, for her greater good. This is what being a parent is. Part of it, at least. There may be a point that you decide to view this differently. That you decide it is against her interests to keep tolerating this. Maybe tomorrow you'll see it all differently. But let yourself off the hook today. Please. I think there's a lot to be gained by working this through, rather than taking a stand over something non-consequential. You have a part to take in this. You have learning here. [/QUOTE]
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