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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 756869" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>I don't know that I view it as my standard that compromise entails communicate. I think I am rather saying I don't know how or I am not clear what you are saying. Your next sentence makes it clearer for me : a compromise within me. Ok, so what are we saying : that I am ok with paraphernalia mailed to my house? Because I do not feel I am making my daughter submit to me . On the contrary. But we do have very few house rules that I would like to see followed. I am trying to understand what you are saying and what you are driving at, Copa. You have a lot of wisdom, and I would like to understand and make my situation better if at all possible. What is there for me to do/learn here? Was I wrong then as I am already assuming for confronting about the safe and the pipe? Are you saying that if my goal is for her to stay until she feels ready to move out , then I needed to compromise on that and keep my mouth shut? Let her live here more like a roommate rather than "under my roof"? I am desparate for answers. </p><p></p><p>I would like nothing more than my daughter's and my interests being the same, being on the same page. I have always felt I did that. I feel I have supported her in all of of her endeavours. And I would love to do it now. That's what I always envisioned would happen that she would move wherever her heart desired and I would help to get her set up - if she wanted my help. And I have also been honest and transparent with her that it fills me with ambivalence: that I will miss her so on one hand it scares me, and on the other, I am excited for her and I know she will be fine. Before she left for college I assured her I would be fine , that she would be free to enjoy college. </p><p></p><p>Are you saying that I am rigid and unbending and that is what is creating problems between my daughter and I? Because I am more than willing to learn and grow and get this right : for her. </p><p></p><p>Am I enforcing my house rules / my boundaries or controlling her life? That is exactly what I am trying to find out. Because I already feel I made a mistake, and overstepped and I am trying to get reassurance I did the right thing - or confirmation I screwed up . And I also have hubster to content with who wants her out, who is the one who noticed the safe and pointed it out to me. </p><p></p><p>I get so many conflicting views and am so confused. I so desperately want to do the right thing and to do what is best for her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 756869, member: 24254"] I don't know that I view it as my standard that compromise entails communicate. I think I am rather saying I don't know how or I am not clear what you are saying. Your next sentence makes it clearer for me : a compromise within me. Ok, so what are we saying : that I am ok with paraphernalia mailed to my house? Because I do not feel I am making my daughter submit to me . On the contrary. But we do have very few house rules that I would like to see followed. I am trying to understand what you are saying and what you are driving at, Copa. You have a lot of wisdom, and I would like to understand and make my situation better if at all possible. What is there for me to do/learn here? Was I wrong then as I am already assuming for confronting about the safe and the pipe? Are you saying that if my goal is for her to stay until she feels ready to move out , then I needed to compromise on that and keep my mouth shut? Let her live here more like a roommate rather than "under my roof"? I am desparate for answers. I would like nothing more than my daughter's and my interests being the same, being on the same page. I have always felt I did that. I feel I have supported her in all of of her endeavours. And I would love to do it now. That's what I always envisioned would happen that she would move wherever her heart desired and I would help to get her set up - if she wanted my help. And I have also been honest and transparent with her that it fills me with ambivalence: that I will miss her so on one hand it scares me, and on the other, I am excited for her and I know she will be fine. Before she left for college I assured her I would be fine , that she would be free to enjoy college. Are you saying that I am rigid and unbending and that is what is creating problems between my daughter and I? Because I am more than willing to learn and grow and get this right : for her. Am I enforcing my house rules / my boundaries or controlling her life? That is exactly what I am trying to find out. Because I already feel I made a mistake, and overstepped and I am trying to get reassurance I did the right thing - or confirmation I screwed up . And I also have hubster to content with who wants her out, who is the one who noticed the safe and pointed it out to me. I get so many conflicting views and am so confused. I so desperately want to do the right thing and to do what is best for her. [/QUOTE]
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