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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 756880" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Almost 2 years ago, my son was homeless, in a large metro near me. Maybe it wasn't so long ago, my mind is fuzzy. I would post about what to do. I was in agony.</p><p></p><p>I could not figure out what to do. I could not tolerate the marijuana. I believed the marijuana was the underlying cause of a whole host of other problems for my son.</p><p></p><p>Several mothers here on the board, including very experienced, even hard ones, urged me to give up on conditions and rules, including the marijuana. They knew how distraught and worried I was. They believed that doing the right thing for me, was key. That I needed to take care of myself, and that my son's improvement (or not) was his responsibility, and he would improve on his own timetable, not mine. Their argument was to remove all bones of contention, cleanliness, productivity, etc. and to keep my distance.</p><p></p><p>The only condition they believed was legitimate was that he get medical treatment for his Hep B and take his antivirals. But even that they asserted was beyond my control.</p><p></p><p>I don't remember that you were here posting at that point.</p><p></p><p>One way or another my son arrived back to the home I own. (There have been so many returns, I can't remember any single one. They all blend into one horror show.) </p><p></p><p>The thing is I couldn't do it. I could not NOT have a bottom line. I came to believe that we are responsible to set bottom lines even for adult children when their behavior affects us, and/or is in space we control.</p><p></p><p>I could not control the marijuana, but I could control whether I gave money, food, or support. When I stopped giving money, food and support, he left for the sober living home.</p><p></p><p>I am bracing myself because he has left there to go to the metro. He says he is going back tomorrow but I'm not holding my breath. I feel certain he's using, and why would the sober living home take him back?</p><p></p><p>The whole thing about relaxing conditions, I was unable to do. And I wanted my son safe and protected at least as much as you want to harbor your daughter.</p><p></p><p>But I do think there is some wiggle room for you if you choose that course. The room to relax standards if you choose.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is doing so well. Really. It may be worth it, to keep trying.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 756880, member: 18958"] Almost 2 years ago, my son was homeless, in a large metro near me. Maybe it wasn't so long ago, my mind is fuzzy. I would post about what to do. I was in agony. I could not figure out what to do. I could not tolerate the marijuana. I believed the marijuana was the underlying cause of a whole host of other problems for my son. Several mothers here on the board, including very experienced, even hard ones, urged me to give up on conditions and rules, including the marijuana. They knew how distraught and worried I was. They believed that doing the right thing for me, was key. That I needed to take care of myself, and that my son's improvement (or not) was his responsibility, and he would improve on his own timetable, not mine. Their argument was to remove all bones of contention, cleanliness, productivity, etc. and to keep my distance. The only condition they believed was legitimate was that he get medical treatment for his Hep B and take his antivirals. But even that they asserted was beyond my control. I don't remember that you were here posting at that point. One way or another my son arrived back to the home I own. (There have been so many returns, I can't remember any single one. They all blend into one horror show.) The thing is I couldn't do it. I could not NOT have a bottom line. I came to believe that we are responsible to set bottom lines even for adult children when their behavior affects us, and/or is in space we control. I could not control the marijuana, but I could control whether I gave money, food, or support. When I stopped giving money, food and support, he left for the sober living home. I am bracing myself because he has left there to go to the metro. He says he is going back tomorrow but I'm not holding my breath. I feel certain he's using, and why would the sober living home take him back? The whole thing about relaxing conditions, I was unable to do. And I wanted my son safe and protected at least as much as you want to harbor your daughter. But I do think there is some wiggle room for you if you choose that course. The room to relax standards if you choose. Your daughter is doing so well. Really. It may be worth it, to keep trying. [/QUOTE]
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