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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 756882" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Copa, when I read your response to my quote of daughter wishing she could just hex me away, I cried again.</p><p></p><p>It is such a sad place to be for her and for me. A Mother larger than life (to her) that has seen her through rough, rough times of years of eating disorders and depression, who tends to take over, who overruns her at times, who knows her and loves her to the point that it all feels too much at times. </p><p></p><p>When she was in the throes of deep depression at age 16, I would hold her and tell her I would hold her long enough to "thaw her out". She was in such despair and I did not know how to help her other than be there and hold space for her. </p><p></p><p>She has dipped her toes in the water by announcing several times she would move out usually in response to us enforcing rules in a way she did not like. Or when she somehow had fashioned me into her enemy after my trip to Germany because I would not broker between her Dad and her while he was the attending "parent" in the home and because I accused her of not caring about me or her Grandparents when she repeatedly sent messages only with requests and did not respond to photos etc I had sent to her. I see now how childish I was , sensitive and already so hurt over other things that had gone down between us. And then I sent an article about micronutrients for depression and she knew it was an underlying statement of me not accepting her choice to be on medication. And rebuffed me hard. And I lashed back.</p><p></p><p>She had picked out a cute place and asked me to make a budget which we did and she saw she could afford it. And then did not move forward. Asked to stay longer. </p><p></p><p>She is ambivalent and scared and that is normal and understandable. And so she probably does need the push out of the nest. But I would like it to be with love , in support of her needs and wants, not as a punishment. When I see her feeling scared but ready to move through her fear, I am ready, too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 756882, member: 24254"] Copa, when I read your response to my quote of daughter wishing she could just hex me away, I cried again. It is such a sad place to be for her and for me. A Mother larger than life (to her) that has seen her through rough, rough times of years of eating disorders and depression, who tends to take over, who overruns her at times, who knows her and loves her to the point that it all feels too much at times. When she was in the throes of deep depression at age 16, I would hold her and tell her I would hold her long enough to "thaw her out". She was in such despair and I did not know how to help her other than be there and hold space for her. She has dipped her toes in the water by announcing several times she would move out usually in response to us enforcing rules in a way she did not like. Or when she somehow had fashioned me into her enemy after my trip to Germany because I would not broker between her Dad and her while he was the attending "parent" in the home and because I accused her of not caring about me or her Grandparents when she repeatedly sent messages only with requests and did not respond to photos etc I had sent to her. I see now how childish I was , sensitive and already so hurt over other things that had gone down between us. And then I sent an article about micronutrients for depression and she knew it was an underlying statement of me not accepting her choice to be on medication. And rebuffed me hard. And I lashed back. She had picked out a cute place and asked me to make a budget which we did and she saw she could afford it. And then did not move forward. Asked to stay longer. She is ambivalent and scared and that is normal and understandable. And so she probably does need the push out of the nest. But I would like it to be with love , in support of her needs and wants, not as a punishment. When I see her feeling scared but ready to move through her fear, I am ready, too. [/QUOTE]
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