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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 745912" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Love or Fear. I am re-reading some of your posts. My heart breaks for your granddaughter, that she has been traumatized, and that she is so vulnerable.</p><p></p><p>My son has been traumatized, too. And he is vulnerable. I do not allow myself to feel compassion for him because it feels like I would die from heartache if I let these feelings in. Sometimes I feel that I cannot bear my own heartache. His? He must bear. I do not have room for more.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is this: These adult kids of ours, vulnerable or not, traumatized or not, have to find a way to navigate their lives....there is no other way. They have to find their way through. You, me--we cannot do it for them. The only way they learn is to do.</p><p></p><p>My son has a serious illness for which he requires treatment. I could write here that, he has to learn from his mistakes.</p><p></p><p>But what if he pays with his life? What kind of a position does that put me in? Helpless. Distraught. Afraid.</p><p> </p><p>But this does not change things. It's true. They have to live their reality, and learn if they can. My agony, your agony, have no role here. The only thing is to learn to not suffer so. Which is really the purpose of this forum, as I see it. (But I recognize the hypocrisy of this. I am a slow learner and struggle to let go of the belief I should do something). But I'm doing it. I am letting go and putting my power and focus back into my own life. At last.</p><p></p><p>Welcome. I'm glad you found us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 745912, member: 18958"] Love or Fear. I am re-reading some of your posts. My heart breaks for your granddaughter, that she has been traumatized, and that she is so vulnerable. My son has been traumatized, too. And he is vulnerable. I do not allow myself to feel compassion for him because it feels like I would die from heartache if I let these feelings in. Sometimes I feel that I cannot bear my own heartache. His? He must bear. I do not have room for more. But the thing is this: These adult kids of ours, vulnerable or not, traumatized or not, have to find a way to navigate their lives....there is no other way. They have to find their way through. You, me--we cannot do it for them. The only way they learn is to do. My son has a serious illness for which he requires treatment. I could write here that, he has to learn from his mistakes. But what if he pays with his life? What kind of a position does that put me in? Helpless. Distraught. Afraid. But this does not change things. It's true. They have to live their reality, and learn if they can. My agony, your agony, have no role here. The only thing is to learn to not suffer so. Which is really the purpose of this forum, as I see it. (But I recognize the hypocrisy of this. I am a slow learner and struggle to let go of the belief I should do something). But I'm doing it. I am letting go and putting my power and focus back into my own life. At last. Welcome. I'm glad you found us. [/QUOTE]
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