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<blockquote data-quote="Hopeful97" data-source="post: 675956" data-attributes="member: 19678"><p>Hi SandalsNShade, Welcome to this site. This is a great place to talk, unload or whatever you want to call it. I feel your pain. We had to put Difficult Child out at 18 he dropped out of school and has mental illness and other problems. I wont get into all that, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. After reading and talking with all the warrior parents on this site I have come to the realization that we did the best thing for our Difficult Child, I constantly pray for him and have hope that he will eventually be able to ..... function in society (for lack of better terms). Yes he is only 18 and we tried desperately to help him through the years starting around age 9. Thing got really bad most of his anger directed toward me, which I am learning is usually the case the anger usually comes more rapidly at the mom (why who knows). The disrespect and horrible things that Difficult Child s say to us is unacceptable.</p><p></p><p>When we made our Difficult Child leave, there was and still is at times much guilt. There have been lots and lots of tears. I am not going to say it gets easier it is all extremely sad and heartbreaking. But one thing that I have now that I did not have before is peace in my home which we have not had in a very long time. Difficult Child has been out of our home since early September. I had totally forgotten what it was like to have peace in our home, it is very comforting and in a way reassuring. There was no contact for the first 2 months and that distance allowed me time to process and think things through. I found this site and read for a long time before I posted. This site gave me a lot of insite and courage - helped me to come to sort of an acceptance and helps me sometimes daily. The people here are very encouraging, accepting and loving. I encourage you to keep posting. My self esteem was extremely low in fact I don't know that I had any left, this site has helped along with other tools.</p><p></p><p>I would definitely let Difficult Child know that porn of any kind is not acceptable in your home. You have to look out for your younger children and it is your home.</p><p></p><p>When our Difficult Child s become adults it is still very difficult for us, sometimes I think it is more painful. Sometimes the pain feels physical as your heart continues to unbelievably break. I understand your heartache.</p><p></p><p>There is an article on detattachment on this forum it is very good and I read and reread it all the time. I don't know if they have Al Anon in your country but if they do I highly recommend.</p><p></p><p>We are Christian also, hold on to your faith. If it wasn't for our Lord I would not be here....he has been carrying me a very long time. </p><p></p><p>It is your decision what to do - take what you need from this site.</p><p></p><p>I got a really great idea from this forum and it is to start a sort of toolbox to help you. In that tool box I have things like: Prayer, the Bible, other Books (Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is very helpful), take a walk, take a nap, sitting quietly looking at nature, just being, just breathing, meditation, read article on detattachment, buy flowers and put on the kitchen table, Al Anon if available.</p><p></p><p>Sorry, this is so long and I was sort of all over the place......</p><p></p><p>My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your entire family.</p><p></p><p>BIG HUGS,</p><p></p><p>Hopeful</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hopeful97, post: 675956, member: 19678"] Hi SandalsNShade, Welcome to this site. This is a great place to talk, unload or whatever you want to call it. I feel your pain. We had to put Difficult Child out at 18 he dropped out of school and has mental illness and other problems. I wont get into all that, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. After reading and talking with all the warrior parents on this site I have come to the realization that we did the best thing for our Difficult Child, I constantly pray for him and have hope that he will eventually be able to ..... function in society (for lack of better terms). Yes he is only 18 and we tried desperately to help him through the years starting around age 9. Thing got really bad most of his anger directed toward me, which I am learning is usually the case the anger usually comes more rapidly at the mom (why who knows). The disrespect and horrible things that Difficult Child s say to us is unacceptable. When we made our Difficult Child leave, there was and still is at times much guilt. There have been lots and lots of tears. I am not going to say it gets easier it is all extremely sad and heartbreaking. But one thing that I have now that I did not have before is peace in my home which we have not had in a very long time. Difficult Child has been out of our home since early September. I had totally forgotten what it was like to have peace in our home, it is very comforting and in a way reassuring. There was no contact for the first 2 months and that distance allowed me time to process and think things through. I found this site and read for a long time before I posted. This site gave me a lot of insite and courage - helped me to come to sort of an acceptance and helps me sometimes daily. The people here are very encouraging, accepting and loving. I encourage you to keep posting. My self esteem was extremely low in fact I don't know that I had any left, this site has helped along with other tools. I would definitely let Difficult Child know that porn of any kind is not acceptable in your home. You have to look out for your younger children and it is your home. When our Difficult Child s become adults it is still very difficult for us, sometimes I think it is more painful. Sometimes the pain feels physical as your heart continues to unbelievably break. I understand your heartache. There is an article on detattachment on this forum it is very good and I read and reread it all the time. I don't know if they have Al Anon in your country but if they do I highly recommend. We are Christian also, hold on to your faith. If it wasn't for our Lord I would not be here....he has been carrying me a very long time. It is your decision what to do - take what you need from this site. I got a really great idea from this forum and it is to start a sort of toolbox to help you. In that tool box I have things like: Prayer, the Bible, other Books (Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is very helpful), take a walk, take a nap, sitting quietly looking at nature, just being, just breathing, meditation, read article on detattachment, buy flowers and put on the kitchen table, Al Anon if available. Sorry, this is so long and I was sort of all over the place...... My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your entire family. BIG HUGS, Hopeful [/QUOTE]
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