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What to do when my daughter hits me
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 517345" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>This isn't a new behavior. YOU NEED HELP, duh, right? Go call the Domestic Violence hotline and ask how to make an appointment for help. Go in and tell them what you have told us, and tell them you need help. It does not MATTER that she is so young and you are the mom. It is STILL domestic violence and still unacceptable. They may or may not have programs or experience iwth parents being hit by kids, but they CAN use what they know to help you. I know they can, because I was the first parent to go to our DV center to get help when my son was beating me. I just couldn't handle it anymore and the cops would talk to him but did NOT want to press assault charges even though I am disabled and he is super strong and was bigger than I was. </p><p></p><p>Push them until they help you. Also tell your husband to pull his head out of whatever sand it is buried in. How do you NOT take being assaulted personally? Why isn't HE stepping in to make it stop? I had a HUGE problem with my husband because he didn't step in when my son got violent. My husband would get the other kids out and then stay back partly because he was super gifted at escalating things with Wiz and more because he was afraid he would lose his temper and truly beat difficult child black and blue and bloody. My husband is the most gentle person and couldn't live with that so he just refused to deal with it, which left me alone with an abusive child. We almost broke up our marriage over this, esp because husband was not super supportive when I insisted the cops remove difficult child when he was 14 and I refused to EVER let him return to our home. He ended up with my parents when the cops refused to process ANY paperwork after over a month and 2 orders from a judge to get it to them. They were friends of my dad and didn't want to "do that" to the family. So my dad got to take Wiz full time because I could NOT allow it anymore and I knew that my younger kids were next. Most of the time my son hurt me because he couldn't get through me to his little sister. </p><p></p><p>But the DV center was a HUGE help to me. Took some pushing, but htey were great. Now they have had a lot more parents come forward because I was NOT alone, I was just the first to speak up.</p><p></p><p>PLEASE get help, and if your body says taht it is scared of her, DON"T sit and cuddle. You NEED to tell her, I can't cuddle you because you hurt me. I won't cuddle you until the violence stops. I love you, but I will NOT allow you to hit me and still be cuddled. This is NOT going to happen. You are telling her that it is NORMAL to hurt someone you love and then have them cuddle you and be loving and sweet to you. Keep calling the police when she is violent. THis is NOT to hurt her no matter what she says. Sooner or later enough calls will have them doing something. Insist on pressing assault charges. If you don't get this to stop she WILL hurt her sister and anyone else who she gets mad at or irritated by and then others will be calling the cops on ehr. You NEED to do whatever is needed to stop this before she gets much older because she is going to seriously hurt someone. Probably you but possibly anyone she encoutners.</p><p></p><p>Make it a BIG DEAL when she hits you. STOP everything she likes for the day. DON"T cuddle her or be loving - would you sit and cuddle with a stranger who hit you? Why is the standard lower for your child? We shoudl expect MORE from our loved ones than from strangers. Tell your husband to either step in and help make it stop or to get out of the way because this is HUGE.</p><p></p><p>There is a quote from a profiler who was commenting on a child who hit her paretns and then eventually killed htem that I am trying to remember. IF I find it, I will post it. But this is a HUGE BIG DEAl and NOT the minor thing your husband is trying to tell you it is. It also isn't anxiety. Sorry, it just isn't. And if ou just started medications then it CANNOT be the medications. </p><p></p><p>LISTEN to your body. Cuddling her after she hurts you is not good for either of you. It reinforces the idea that she can do what she wants to you and then you still have to be sweet and loving. this is irrational and irresponsible of you. It teaches her HORRIBLE things about hurting those you love. It also puts a TON of toxic stress hormones into your body. PLEASE don't go for wine, go for therapy and distance from her. Don't force your body to do things it knows is wrong, like cuddling your abuser. Just don't do it, and those who say you are wrong can go cuddle her after she beats them!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 517345, member: 1233"] This isn't a new behavior. YOU NEED HELP, duh, right? Go call the Domestic Violence hotline and ask how to make an appointment for help. Go in and tell them what you have told us, and tell them you need help. It does not MATTER that she is so young and you are the mom. It is STILL domestic violence and still unacceptable. They may or may not have programs or experience iwth parents being hit by kids, but they CAN use what they know to help you. I know they can, because I was the first parent to go to our DV center to get help when my son was beating me. I just couldn't handle it anymore and the cops would talk to him but did NOT want to press assault charges even though I am disabled and he is super strong and was bigger than I was. Push them until they help you. Also tell your husband to pull his head out of whatever sand it is buried in. How do you NOT take being assaulted personally? Why isn't HE stepping in to make it stop? I had a HUGE problem with my husband because he didn't step in when my son got violent. My husband would get the other kids out and then stay back partly because he was super gifted at escalating things with Wiz and more because he was afraid he would lose his temper and truly beat difficult child black and blue and bloody. My husband is the most gentle person and couldn't live with that so he just refused to deal with it, which left me alone with an abusive child. We almost broke up our marriage over this, esp because husband was not super supportive when I insisted the cops remove difficult child when he was 14 and I refused to EVER let him return to our home. He ended up with my parents when the cops refused to process ANY paperwork after over a month and 2 orders from a judge to get it to them. They were friends of my dad and didn't want to "do that" to the family. So my dad got to take Wiz full time because I could NOT allow it anymore and I knew that my younger kids were next. Most of the time my son hurt me because he couldn't get through me to his little sister. But the DV center was a HUGE help to me. Took some pushing, but htey were great. Now they have had a lot more parents come forward because I was NOT alone, I was just the first to speak up. PLEASE get help, and if your body says taht it is scared of her, DON"T sit and cuddle. You NEED to tell her, I can't cuddle you because you hurt me. I won't cuddle you until the violence stops. I love you, but I will NOT allow you to hit me and still be cuddled. This is NOT going to happen. You are telling her that it is NORMAL to hurt someone you love and then have them cuddle you and be loving and sweet to you. Keep calling the police when she is violent. THis is NOT to hurt her no matter what she says. Sooner or later enough calls will have them doing something. Insist on pressing assault charges. If you don't get this to stop she WILL hurt her sister and anyone else who she gets mad at or irritated by and then others will be calling the cops on ehr. You NEED to do whatever is needed to stop this before she gets much older because she is going to seriously hurt someone. Probably you but possibly anyone she encoutners. Make it a BIG DEAL when she hits you. STOP everything she likes for the day. DON"T cuddle her or be loving - would you sit and cuddle with a stranger who hit you? Why is the standard lower for your child? We shoudl expect MORE from our loved ones than from strangers. Tell your husband to either step in and help make it stop or to get out of the way because this is HUGE. There is a quote from a profiler who was commenting on a child who hit her paretns and then eventually killed htem that I am trying to remember. IF I find it, I will post it. But this is a HUGE BIG DEAl and NOT the minor thing your husband is trying to tell you it is. It also isn't anxiety. Sorry, it just isn't. And if ou just started medications then it CANNOT be the medications. LISTEN to your body. Cuddling her after she hurts you is not good for either of you. It reinforces the idea that she can do what she wants to you and then you still have to be sweet and loving. this is irrational and irresponsible of you. It teaches her HORRIBLE things about hurting those you love. It also puts a TON of toxic stress hormones into your body. PLEASE don't go for wine, go for therapy and distance from her. Don't force your body to do things it knows is wrong, like cuddling your abuser. Just don't do it, and those who say you are wrong can go cuddle her after she beats them! [/QUOTE]
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