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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 705192" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>TL</p><p></p><p>We have been where you are. It's so hard to pretend "all is okay". I know. We've done that/been there. We've looked the other way. We've hoped it just get better on its own with our love and support. It just never did. It consumed my every thought. It was taking a major toll on my marriage. We had some good times then, sure but it was like an evil lurking around every corner. Things we chose not to deal with because we just don't have any idea what to do and feel trapped and hopeless. That is exactly where we were for many years with our son. His life consumed our lives. No one gets it unless they live it. My heart goes out to you. </p><p></p><p>You have tried it all, I know. So what do you do now? I would have to agree with SWOT. Some firm boundaries must be set and met for him to continue to live in your home. It's easier for me to say now that my son is not in our home. I just spent some time with him and at times I felt sad/guilty thinking he's not so bad etc. and what kind of mom am I and then I think of this forum and what would you all say; but then I'd have moments where I knew he would not do well at home. He has not grown enough and even if he does, I'd be terrified to let him come home. I can't even think of going through that hell again. I can't take it. My son truly did not think he needed help and did not want help and didn't embrace the "programs" and still does not have a good sense of self. He is young and immature yet; but I don't know if he ever will. He is managing on his own. Not 100% where I want him to be. Not even 50% but I have my life back. I don't know if he'll ever live the life I want him to live. I am trying to let it go.</p><p></p><p>I enjoy our visits but are glad when they are over. I know that some people will think that is horrible but those here will understand the suffering that brings you to that place.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 705192, member: 15032"] TL We have been where you are. It's so hard to pretend "all is okay". I know. We've done that/been there. We've looked the other way. We've hoped it just get better on its own with our love and support. It just never did. It consumed my every thought. It was taking a major toll on my marriage. We had some good times then, sure but it was like an evil lurking around every corner. Things we chose not to deal with because we just don't have any idea what to do and feel trapped and hopeless. That is exactly where we were for many years with our son. His life consumed our lives. No one gets it unless they live it. My heart goes out to you. You have tried it all, I know. So what do you do now? I would have to agree with SWOT. Some firm boundaries must be set and met for him to continue to live in your home. It's easier for me to say now that my son is not in our home. I just spent some time with him and at times I felt sad/guilty thinking he's not so bad etc. and what kind of mom am I and then I think of this forum and what would you all say; but then I'd have moments where I knew he would not do well at home. He has not grown enough and even if he does, I'd be terrified to let him come home. I can't even think of going through that hell again. I can't take it. My son truly did not think he needed help and did not want help and didn't embrace the "programs" and still does not have a good sense of self. He is young and immature yet; but I don't know if he ever will. He is managing on his own. Not 100% where I want him to be. Not even 50% but I have my life back. I don't know if he'll ever live the life I want him to live. I am trying to let it go. I enjoy our visits but are glad when they are over. I know that some people will think that is horrible but those here will understand the suffering that brings you to that place. [/QUOTE]
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