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Message: <blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 765856" data-attributes="member: 3305">Thank you Momma Tried, Crayola, Deni and Copa.  I appreciate all of y’all’s thoughts and care.Deni and Copa…I think you’re right.  I think he is running.  Running from his past.  He was quite the hellion as a teenager and really the leader between he and his brother who died.He may even blame himself to a degree for his little brother’s drug use or other things that I don’t know about.Josh was very rebellious at rehab as a teenager.  He is also very intelligent,  Rehab advised us to give him up to the State of Texas to raise in his remaining years and concentrate on the one they felt had the best chance of recovery, Jarod.  They told us Josh was likely to grow up to be a con man or dangerous criminal mastermind of some sort.  Josh was at rehab 6 months.  Jarod was at rehab 4 months.  This is when they were between 13-15 years old.Josh has turned his life around significantly since then.  At 18 he was going to prison for stealing computer equipment from his dad’s employer to sell for money to buy Meth.  After prison he no longer did Meth but still drank until his wife got pregnant and they started going to her parents church.I don’t go to church.  But I fiercely believe in God and trust Him with my life now.  I had begun to lose my faith in God when my sons began their drug use as teenagers.  I found it again after my brain recovered from the psychotic breakdown I had while Josh was in prison for the stealing.I am a gambler and go to the casino nearly everyday with $60-$100.  I am hooked but we still pay our bills have excellent credit and still save money in 401k etc.I smoked cigarettes for 40 years but quit in April as I was beginning to suffocate trying to sleep.  I don’t plan to ever smoke again and I never smoked around Josh’s girls.I have Mental illness.  And I have had problems with Alcohol in my life but that was long before Josh can remember.Copa I am not perfect by any means.  But I appreciate that I am good enough for you.  Your friendship here means a lot to me as I really don’t have any meaningful friendships in real life.  I have also been estranged from my mom and cousins since Jarod died and lost a so called friend recently.  I am trying to accept that my people are 2 oldest grandchildren from Jarod, my husband and my daughter. That is all.  I am hurt by this as when I was a little girl growing up with a single party mom who liked to move all the time with no brothers or sisters or dad, all I wanted when I grew up was a big happy family.  God had something else in mind.  I am trying to accept what is but some days it’s very hard Copa. Thank you all for caring.  I will leave Josh alone and like you said Deni, be here again for him when he needs loving support.I love our board.Y’all are the best!Love, LMS</blockquote>

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