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Substance Abuse
What would you do?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 758342" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think JayPee has said it all, in her post.</p><p></p><p>For years and years I could not separate from my son, because I believed that I was responsible to teach him, to save him, to fight for him. This created a life of pain and distress. I did not succeed in any way to change my son. The result for me was unceasing and worsenning conflict with him.</p><p></p><p>Not only did I not succeed in saving him, but I descended myself into chaos and terror. Because the only result that comes from battling where one has no control is defeat, and loss of identity. I became lost to myself. And I abdicated any sense of motherhood.</p><p></p><p>This is what I know now. These are adult men. They have the right and the responsibility to live as they can and live as they will. It is my job to handle whatever pain that comes up for me, in response to how my adult son lives. I handle this pain <em>in myself,</em> not through him. End of story.</p><p></p><p>I backslide, but I pick myself up and I return to the plan. For nearly 6 months now my son has lived independently of me. While he is not seeking treatment, he is speaking about his "addictions." That's a shift. He is not taking the antivirals he requires for his liver. This fills me with dread. But I recognize now, that this dread <em>is my own to own</em>. He will only save himself on his own terms, and his own volition. But I can save myself.</p><p></p><p>Life has ups and downs, wins and losses. People live and die. There is no other life than this. However impossibly hard it is to accept life on life's terms, there is no other way. This is your son's life to live, Trying. There is no other way. I wish there was. In my own experience, and I tried every which way to take onto myself, my son's battles, I had to let go. I did not let go of love. I found it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 758342, member: 18958"] I think JayPee has said it all, in her post. For years and years I could not separate from my son, because I believed that I was responsible to teach him, to save him, to fight for him. This created a life of pain and distress. I did not succeed in any way to change my son. The result for me was unceasing and worsenning conflict with him. Not only did I not succeed in saving him, but I descended myself into chaos and terror. Because the only result that comes from battling where one has no control is defeat, and loss of identity. I became lost to myself. And I abdicated any sense of motherhood. This is what I know now. These are adult men. They have the right and the responsibility to live as they can and live as they will. It is my job to handle whatever pain that comes up for me, in response to how my adult son lives. I handle this pain [I]in myself,[/I] not through him. End of story. I backslide, but I pick myself up and I return to the plan. For nearly 6 months now my son has lived independently of me. While he is not seeking treatment, he is speaking about his "addictions." That's a shift. He is not taking the antivirals he requires for his liver. This fills me with dread. But I recognize now, that this dread [I]is my own to own[/I]. He will only save himself on his own terms, and his own volition. But I can save myself. Life has ups and downs, wins and losses. People live and die. There is no other life than this. However impossibly hard it is to accept life on life's terms, there is no other way. This is your son's life to live, Trying. There is no other way. I wish there was. In my own experience, and I tried every which way to take onto myself, my son's battles, I had to let go. I did not let go of love. I found it. [/QUOTE]
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