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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 620796" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Child, your experience right now is so parallel to what I have been going through these last through months...seems like a process many of us get to. When I finally detached from difficult child it happened almost in a moment...I had been on the road for so long, but, as with you when he banged on your door at 3 AM (you said "I was plenty mad!!!" or something like that). I had a moment where what would normally have made me soooo sad, and so urgently need to do something..and then I was mad. And then the detachment took a huge step forward.</p><p></p><p>And then, for 2 months, I was angry. I posted about it on this forum over and over. I couldn't shake it, couldn't stop it, couldn't be nice or kind to him, couldn't accept him. The anger bubbled everywhere. I told my SO--my work now is to prevent the anger from ruining my days.</p><p></p><p>I held that in mind, and I have to say, it has eased off or even gone away. I had next to zero contact with difficult child for 2 months which helped a lot..sometimes I would be so angry, and imagine what I would say when he called and asked for somehting..but he didn't and I had to remind myself that I was now making things up to feed my anger.</p><p></p><p>I too, ended up with nothing to say to him, as you said in your last sentence. It doesn't mean that state is forever, although it may be. It just means that in the place where you are no longer busy busy busy trying to fix things for him and he isn't allowed to be busy busy busy blaming you or fate...well, that is what you used to talk about. So now it is kind of empty air between you. Between me and difficult child.</p><p></p><p>I did see him this week..I'll post about that later.</p><p></p><p>I am so glad to see you continuing to feel well and strong...you will have time now for that 40x40, because difficult child won't consume your time! and once the 40x40 is done, you'll have time because you won't have to do so much care and feeding (and moving) of your stuff!</p><p></p><p>I am happy for you.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 620796, member: 17269"] Child, your experience right now is so parallel to what I have been going through these last through months...seems like a process many of us get to. When I finally detached from difficult child it happened almost in a moment...I had been on the road for so long, but, as with you when he banged on your door at 3 AM (you said "I was plenty mad!!!" or something like that). I had a moment where what would normally have made me soooo sad, and so urgently need to do something..and then I was mad. And then the detachment took a huge step forward. And then, for 2 months, I was angry. I posted about it on this forum over and over. I couldn't shake it, couldn't stop it, couldn't be nice or kind to him, couldn't accept him. The anger bubbled everywhere. I told my SO--my work now is to prevent the anger from ruining my days. I held that in mind, and I have to say, it has eased off or even gone away. I had next to zero contact with difficult child for 2 months which helped a lot..sometimes I would be so angry, and imagine what I would say when he called and asked for somehting..but he didn't and I had to remind myself that I was now making things up to feed my anger. I too, ended up with nothing to say to him, as you said in your last sentence. It doesn't mean that state is forever, although it may be. It just means that in the place where you are no longer busy busy busy trying to fix things for him and he isn't allowed to be busy busy busy blaming you or fate...well, that is what you used to talk about. So now it is kind of empty air between you. Between me and difficult child. I did see him this week..I'll post about that later. I am so glad to see you continuing to feel well and strong...you will have time now for that 40x40, because difficult child won't consume your time! and once the 40x40 is done, you'll have time because you won't have to do so much care and feeding (and moving) of your stuff! I am happy for you. Echo [/QUOTE]
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