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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 620894" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I wanted to give you all an update about yesterday. Saturday was the day he was supposed to call me between 10 and 11 for the 10-minute conversation. As I posted earlier on this thread, I got confused and agreed to meet him and then reneged on that an hour later when I realized I didn't want to do that. I was expecting him to call yesterday but I was worried about what to talk about and how to be.</p><p></p><p>Well, the problem was solved. He didn't call at all. SO and I had decided to take his new motor home to the lake to fish for the day. It was a beautiful, perfect day here. We drove off about 10 and of course I had my phone but he never called. Later that day I checked FB and he had posted about 1:30 that he couldn't find a phone to call me earlier.</p><p></p><p>I have no idea where he is, where he is sleeping, what he is doing or not. This is a first for me. All of the other times he was homeless he had a computer and was texting me relentlessly. I hated it but I knew he was alive. Now, he can only text me or FB message me from a day shelter computer and the day shelters are closed on the weekends. </p><p></p><p>SO and I talked a little bit---not much at all really---about where he might be sleeping. At someone's house, at a homeless camp, who knows? The weather has been great here so I don't have to do that mommy thing of "it's so cold."</p><p></p><p>This morning as I was driving to Al-Anon and then to church I did look around a bit but I just drove my regular route.</p><p></p><p>This is just so strange. That my own son would be "out there" somewhere living this kind of life.</p><p></p><p>I have had a good weekend. I told SO this morning that I'm getting to be kind of like a guy now. I can compartmentalize. I can have a good time, laugh, talk, eat, live, even thought my precious son's life is in shambles---at least that is how it appears to me.</p><p></p><p>I need to start thinking that maybe that's not how he thinks. Maybe he is just fine. </p><p></p><p>Like I always tell others, things don't stay the same in situations like these. There is usually a change. </p><p></p><p>I prayed hard in church this morning on my knees. First I said Thank you Thank you Thank you and listed so many things I am grateful for, mumbling a little to myself. Then I said Help me Help Me Help me, do this thing I am having to do. Help me accept. Help me do what YOU would have me do, not my own will. Lead me to what is next and then, help me do it, whatever it is. </p><p></p><p>So, if he goes by what i asked, I will not hear from him again until next Saturday, same time. We'll see. </p><p></p><p>I guess this is progress? Not sure what in the world THIS is. Thanks for your continued strength that you give me and your prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 620894, member: 17542"] I wanted to give you all an update about yesterday. Saturday was the day he was supposed to call me between 10 and 11 for the 10-minute conversation. As I posted earlier on this thread, I got confused and agreed to meet him and then reneged on that an hour later when I realized I didn't want to do that. I was expecting him to call yesterday but I was worried about what to talk about and how to be. Well, the problem was solved. He didn't call at all. SO and I had decided to take his new motor home to the lake to fish for the day. It was a beautiful, perfect day here. We drove off about 10 and of course I had my phone but he never called. Later that day I checked FB and he had posted about 1:30 that he couldn't find a phone to call me earlier. I have no idea where he is, where he is sleeping, what he is doing or not. This is a first for me. All of the other times he was homeless he had a computer and was texting me relentlessly. I hated it but I knew he was alive. Now, he can only text me or FB message me from a day shelter computer and the day shelters are closed on the weekends. SO and I talked a little bit---not much at all really---about where he might be sleeping. At someone's house, at a homeless camp, who knows? The weather has been great here so I don't have to do that mommy thing of "it's so cold." This morning as I was driving to Al-Anon and then to church I did look around a bit but I just drove my regular route. This is just so strange. That my own son would be "out there" somewhere living this kind of life. I have had a good weekend. I told SO this morning that I'm getting to be kind of like a guy now. I can compartmentalize. I can have a good time, laugh, talk, eat, live, even thought my precious son's life is in shambles---at least that is how it appears to me. I need to start thinking that maybe that's not how he thinks. Maybe he is just fine. Like I always tell others, things don't stay the same in situations like these. There is usually a change. I prayed hard in church this morning on my knees. First I said Thank you Thank you Thank you and listed so many things I am grateful for, mumbling a little to myself. Then I said Help me Help Me Help me, do this thing I am having to do. Help me accept. Help me do what YOU would have me do, not my own will. Lead me to what is next and then, help me do it, whatever it is. So, if he goes by what i asked, I will not hear from him again until next Saturday, same time. We'll see. I guess this is progress? Not sure what in the world THIS is. Thanks for your continued strength that you give me and your prayers. [/QUOTE]
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