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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 621446" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I wanted to give you all an update about difficult child. I haven't heard from him since Wednesday morning early of this week when he posted a FB message about his car title.</p><p></p><p>He had messaged me the day before asking some practical questions about his car title, w-2 forms and resume. I responded and did not get overly involved. He said he was going to try to sell his car as it was just sitting there deteriorating and file his income taxes from working about 2.5 months in 2013. It sounds like he is trying to get some money together. I didn't ask any questions like where are you sleeping? are you working? What are your plans? Nothing.</p><p></p><p>He was likely messaging me from the day shelter here in our town that is open from 6 a.m. until 3 p.m. and provides breakfast, lunch, computers, a washer/dryer, shower, etc. </p><p></p><p>I haven't heard from him since then, no FB messages at all. I have had momentary flashes of wondering if he is okay or not. I figured the police would inform his dad and/or me soon enough if something bad happened. </p><p></p><p>This is what I asked for. This is what I wanted to happen. That he would not be driving me crazy and asking for everything and taking no responsibility. </p><p></p><p>Of course, my mommy mind fears the worst---he is lying in some crack house completely out of it and on heroin now (who knows if he has ever taken it or not but his drug of choice is usually prescription pills and marijuana and alcohol, to my knowledge). </p><p></p><p>Or he is dead in a ditch. </p><p></p><p>I am chosing not to obsess with those thoughts because I have no idea what is happening or not happening. But I do know this: He has to be on his own to figure out his life and me being involved has not been a good thing for him to this point.</p><p></p><p>So, I am feeling my feelings, but I am not reacting to them.</p><p></p><p>I almost drove by the day shelter Thursday but I didn't.</p><p></p><p>I decided to wait until the hour passed today when I said he could call me. Saturdays between 10 and 11 to talk for 10 minutes. That time passed and he didn't call.</p><p></p><p>So I texted his brother and father and asked if they have heard from him or about him from Wednesday on. They have not. I called the jail to see if he was there. He is not.</p><p></p><p>So now what? Now, I am going to go about the rest of my day. I am going to focus on myself and having a good, happy day. I can't control what may or may not be happening with him. I realize that my old habits and old ways take me to a place where I think if I know something, that is control and power. After all, we are told that knowledge is power, right? </p><p></p><p>But we, here, on this board, know that it is not. We know that we are powerless over drugs and alcohol and all people, places and things, but we are not helpless.</p><p></p><p>We can help ourselves by doing the hard, hard work of change---so many tools and practices and tips that are written about on this board every day. We can do those things that make sense to us and we can spend this day on our own lives. That is all we really have so let's be grateful for those precious lives that are ours and let's make them the best we can today. And let's leave others alone to live theirs, if we can by the grace of God.</p><p></p><p>Thank you friends, for all you write and read and share every day here on this board. It helps me so much. Thank you for allowing me to write to you and taking what you like from what I write and leaving the rest. That helps me so much. Those are tools and I am grateful for them today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 621446, member: 17542"] I wanted to give you all an update about difficult child. I haven't heard from him since Wednesday morning early of this week when he posted a FB message about his car title. He had messaged me the day before asking some practical questions about his car title, w-2 forms and resume. I responded and did not get overly involved. He said he was going to try to sell his car as it was just sitting there deteriorating and file his income taxes from working about 2.5 months in 2013. It sounds like he is trying to get some money together. I didn't ask any questions like where are you sleeping? are you working? What are your plans? Nothing. He was likely messaging me from the day shelter here in our town that is open from 6 a.m. until 3 p.m. and provides breakfast, lunch, computers, a washer/dryer, shower, etc. I haven't heard from him since then, no FB messages at all. I have had momentary flashes of wondering if he is okay or not. I figured the police would inform his dad and/or me soon enough if something bad happened. This is what I asked for. This is what I wanted to happen. That he would not be driving me crazy and asking for everything and taking no responsibility. Of course, my mommy mind fears the worst---he is lying in some crack house completely out of it and on heroin now (who knows if he has ever taken it or not but his drug of choice is usually prescription pills and marijuana and alcohol, to my knowledge). Or he is dead in a ditch. I am chosing not to obsess with those thoughts because I have no idea what is happening or not happening. But I do know this: He has to be on his own to figure out his life and me being involved has not been a good thing for him to this point. So, I am feeling my feelings, but I am not reacting to them. I almost drove by the day shelter Thursday but I didn't. I decided to wait until the hour passed today when I said he could call me. Saturdays between 10 and 11 to talk for 10 minutes. That time passed and he didn't call. So I texted his brother and father and asked if they have heard from him or about him from Wednesday on. They have not. I called the jail to see if he was there. He is not. So now what? Now, I am going to go about the rest of my day. I am going to focus on myself and having a good, happy day. I can't control what may or may not be happening with him. I realize that my old habits and old ways take me to a place where I think if I know something, that is control and power. After all, we are told that knowledge is power, right? But we, here, on this board, know that it is not. We know that we are powerless over drugs and alcohol and all people, places and things, but we are not helpless. We can help ourselves by doing the hard, hard work of change---so many tools and practices and tips that are written about on this board every day. We can do those things that make sense to us and we can spend this day on our own lives. That is all we really have so let's be grateful for those precious lives that are ours and let's make them the best we can today. And let's leave others alone to live theirs, if we can by the grace of God. Thank you friends, for all you write and read and share every day here on this board. It helps me so much. Thank you for allowing me to write to you and taking what you like from what I write and leaving the rest. That helps me so much. Those are tools and I am grateful for them today. [/QUOTE]
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