Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
What's happening to me in detachment...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 621461" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Child,</p><p></p><p>I know so well the fear of what no contact can mean..right in the middle of the setting of insisting on distance and detachment! Be careful what you wish for, right? Sometimes the consequences feel biblical.</p><p></p><p>I know the feeling of texting family and friends with the query..hey, heard anything from difficult child? and getting no as an answer.</p><p>I sometimes troll facebook looking for evidence that he is alive.</p><p></p><p>You know, my daughter, difficult child's twin, is in college 2000 miles away. She takes all the risks that college students take every day, with her school at the end of a dark winding road, and her appreciation for alcohol and being out late. I miss her sometimes when I don't hear from her, and I sometimes get cranky...but I don't get the same itchy anxiety.</p><p></p><p>SO tells me I will hear soon enough if something is wrong, and he also tells me that it really isn't that common for people to get murdered or to die on the streets.</p><p></p><p>I used to work in urban emergency rooms...I may have skewed fears. </p><p></p><p>But I'll say this to you now....over time, as it turns out that he is indeed not dead, you will be able to tolerate longer and longer stretches. Its kind of like meditating...our monkey brain jumps in and jumps around in seconds when we first try to practice, 100 thoughts in 2 minutes, 1000 in 10, all silly and pointless...then one day we sit for three minutes and our thoughts float by as a river...then 10, then more. It is the same. Our thoughts and difficult children can float by as a river...love, curiosity, parental concern...they can happen without the throat constricting anxiety, the need for action, any action, even calling emergency rooms or texting friends.</p><p></p><p>It will get better.</p><p></p><p>My oldest sister is 60. My mom used to tell a story about how when my sister was an infant, my mom walked by her room and peeked in during naptime....and she wasn't certain she was breathing. This was before CPR. And she thought...if she is dead...there is nothing I can do about it. And I will deal with it so much better after I take a nap. </p><p></p><p>How GREAT is that????</p><p></p><p>Try to take your nap. Try to let him live his life, as you would a easy child. I don't hear from my beloved easy child (ex difficult child) daughter sometimes for a week or more...even my darn teenage boys that I am so engaged with disappear to their dad for a week at a time and fail to contact me or respond (although sweetly sometimes they tell me their deep thoughts and fears by text too). I trust them to be making their mistakes and winning their victories in my absence, in my ignorance.</p><p></p><p>Lets try to get to the same place with our boys, OK? We can try together.</p><p></p><p>I am down to babbling now...I just want you to know that I've been where you are, am really there still. And it will be oK</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 621461, member: 17269"] Child, I know so well the fear of what no contact can mean..right in the middle of the setting of insisting on distance and detachment! Be careful what you wish for, right? Sometimes the consequences feel biblical. I know the feeling of texting family and friends with the query..hey, heard anything from difficult child? and getting no as an answer. I sometimes troll facebook looking for evidence that he is alive. You know, my daughter, difficult child's twin, is in college 2000 miles away. She takes all the risks that college students take every day, with her school at the end of a dark winding road, and her appreciation for alcohol and being out late. I miss her sometimes when I don't hear from her, and I sometimes get cranky...but I don't get the same itchy anxiety. SO tells me I will hear soon enough if something is wrong, and he also tells me that it really isn't that common for people to get murdered or to die on the streets. I used to work in urban emergency rooms...I may have skewed fears. But I'll say this to you now....over time, as it turns out that he is indeed not dead, you will be able to tolerate longer and longer stretches. Its kind of like meditating...our monkey brain jumps in and jumps around in seconds when we first try to practice, 100 thoughts in 2 minutes, 1000 in 10, all silly and pointless...then one day we sit for three minutes and our thoughts float by as a river...then 10, then more. It is the same. Our thoughts and difficult children can float by as a river...love, curiosity, parental concern...they can happen without the throat constricting anxiety, the need for action, any action, even calling emergency rooms or texting friends. It will get better. My oldest sister is 60. My mom used to tell a story about how when my sister was an infant, my mom walked by her room and peeked in during naptime....and she wasn't certain she was breathing. This was before CPR. And she thought...if she is dead...there is nothing I can do about it. And I will deal with it so much better after I take a nap. How GREAT is that???? Try to take your nap. Try to let him live his life, as you would a easy child. I don't hear from my beloved easy child (ex difficult child) daughter sometimes for a week or more...even my darn teenage boys that I am so engaged with disappear to their dad for a week at a time and fail to contact me or respond (although sweetly sometimes they tell me their deep thoughts and fears by text too). I trust them to be making their mistakes and winning their victories in my absence, in my ignorance. Lets try to get to the same place with our boys, OK? We can try together. I am down to babbling now...I just want you to know that I've been where you are, am really there still. And it will be oK Echo [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
What's happening to me in detachment...
Top