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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 621989" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I wanted to give you all another update about difficult child. As you know, he got out of jail February 14 and has been living on the street since that time. I saw him last Tuesday morning. I took him some mail to the day shelter in town where he goes for breakfast and lunch (at least as far as I know he does/can). We sat in the car for 10 minutes and had a fairly good conversation. He was to see his PO the next day, who had some job ideas and place to stay ideas. He also said he was going to try to get a job at a restaurant that was hiring here. He said he would call me Friday. </p><p></p><p>I still haven't heard from or about him since then. </p><p></p><p>I got a food stamps card in the mail (at least it felt like that, didn't open it, but that was what he was expecting) Thursday. I FB messaged him and said I would bring it to the shelter Friday morning. I did, he wasn't there but I left it with a staff member.</p><p></p><p>I am coming to the conclusion that I am going to have to live further into the "not knowing" realm than I realized. This time, unlike last week when I posted basically the same scenario, I am doing better with it.</p><p></p><p>I can go to that anxious place, i.e., where is he, is he okay, is he dead, is he lying in a crack house, and then play the movie of the police walking up to my front door to give me the bad news that he is dead. I have done that several times. I try to divert myself when I do that, because A. He could just as easily be working at a job than the above. and B. What is the point of "awfulizing" when I have no idea about anything regarding him?</p><p></p><p>I believe this is a new level of Acceptance. And that is what I am to do. To continue to learn to Accept. Accept that this is what it is. This may go on for a long time. </p><p></p><p>I am stepping up my Al-Anon meetings. I went this morning and it was truly wonderful. The topic turned out to be Acceptance and living in silence and not saying anything even when we really want to, and as importantly, not doing anything based on our feelings and our thoughts. </p><p></p><p>I know intellectually that the only path here, right now, is this path. Connecting what I know to my heart is harder, but I am doing pretty well doing it. </p><p></p><p>SO and I went on a long walk yesterday. It was beautiful here. He listened to music some and it was like I was alone with my thoughts. I found myself wondering where and how difficult child is, and feeling sad about it. But I kept walking. </p><p></p><p>It does me or him no good for me to stop my own life. </p><p></p><p>Wow. Who ever knew? I appreciate so much the posts that everybody posts on this site. I learn something from every one of them. And that makes my recovery better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 621989, member: 17542"] I wanted to give you all another update about difficult child. As you know, he got out of jail February 14 and has been living on the street since that time. I saw him last Tuesday morning. I took him some mail to the day shelter in town where he goes for breakfast and lunch (at least as far as I know he does/can). We sat in the car for 10 minutes and had a fairly good conversation. He was to see his PO the next day, who had some job ideas and place to stay ideas. He also said he was going to try to get a job at a restaurant that was hiring here. He said he would call me Friday. I still haven't heard from or about him since then. I got a food stamps card in the mail (at least it felt like that, didn't open it, but that was what he was expecting) Thursday. I FB messaged him and said I would bring it to the shelter Friday morning. I did, he wasn't there but I left it with a staff member. I am coming to the conclusion that I am going to have to live further into the "not knowing" realm than I realized. This time, unlike last week when I posted basically the same scenario, I am doing better with it. I can go to that anxious place, i.e., where is he, is he okay, is he dead, is he lying in a crack house, and then play the movie of the police walking up to my front door to give me the bad news that he is dead. I have done that several times. I try to divert myself when I do that, because A. He could just as easily be working at a job than the above. and B. What is the point of "awfulizing" when I have no idea about anything regarding him? I believe this is a new level of Acceptance. And that is what I am to do. To continue to learn to Accept. Accept that this is what it is. This may go on for a long time. I am stepping up my Al-Anon meetings. I went this morning and it was truly wonderful. The topic turned out to be Acceptance and living in silence and not saying anything even when we really want to, and as importantly, not doing anything based on our feelings and our thoughts. I know intellectually that the only path here, right now, is this path. Connecting what I know to my heart is harder, but I am doing pretty well doing it. SO and I went on a long walk yesterday. It was beautiful here. He listened to music some and it was like I was alone with my thoughts. I found myself wondering where and how difficult child is, and feeling sad about it. But I kept walking. It does me or him no good for me to stop my own life. Wow. Who ever knew? I appreciate so much the posts that everybody posts on this site. I learn something from every one of them. And that makes my recovery better. [/QUOTE]
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