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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 622083" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Alb, I see in your interchange with your brother in law and yourself the same things we have to do in our interchanges between ourselves and difficult child. We have to speak in new ways. We have to act in new ways. We have to do something different.</p><p></p><p>And then things won't be the same between us and our difficult children. Because they don't need to be the same. They need to be different.</p><p></p><p>brother in law, giving him the full benefit of the doubt, finally said to you clearly what HE needed to say. And thankfully, as you state, it is also what you needed to hear. That is a rare thing---when the two connect. </p><p></p><p>And now, he is likely feeling relieved that he finally got it out----that thing he has been wanting to say for so long, just like that---but also badly that with all you have to deal with, with difficult child, he said it that straight out. As you said, perhaps it was even cruel.</p><p></p><p>That is exactly how I felt when I stood with difficult child in the parking lot that day he threatened to commit suicide and I told him exactly how I felt. I felt relieved and I also felt I had been cruel. I didn't want to be cruel, but there was so much emotion behind what I was saying that I am sure I said it too strongly, too passionately, too cruelly. And I will have to own that, but I still said what I needed to say and had needed to say for a long, long time.</p><p></p><p>Does that mean I don't love him just as much as I always have? Absolutely not. I love him dearly.</p><p></p><p>As I am sure brother in law loves you. </p><p></p><p>Please call him, Alb. Perhaps you won't "go back to the way you were" but perhaps, not it will be much better. Perhaps there will be a new clarity in your interchanges, and you can create a safe place for the both of you to speak your truth, and maybe this time, not to hold it in for so long before it bursts out.</p><p></p><p>I see growth in the interchange and most importantly, a chance to improve on an already good relationship.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 622083, member: 17542"] Alb, I see in your interchange with your brother in law and yourself the same things we have to do in our interchanges between ourselves and difficult child. We have to speak in new ways. We have to act in new ways. We have to do something different. And then things won't be the same between us and our difficult children. Because they don't need to be the same. They need to be different. brother in law, giving him the full benefit of the doubt, finally said to you clearly what HE needed to say. And thankfully, as you state, it is also what you needed to hear. That is a rare thing---when the two connect. And now, he is likely feeling relieved that he finally got it out----that thing he has been wanting to say for so long, just like that---but also badly that with all you have to deal with, with difficult child, he said it that straight out. As you said, perhaps it was even cruel. That is exactly how I felt when I stood with difficult child in the parking lot that day he threatened to commit suicide and I told him exactly how I felt. I felt relieved and I also felt I had been cruel. I didn't want to be cruel, but there was so much emotion behind what I was saying that I am sure I said it too strongly, too passionately, too cruelly. And I will have to own that, but I still said what I needed to say and had needed to say for a long, long time. Does that mean I don't love him just as much as I always have? Absolutely not. I love him dearly. As I am sure brother in law loves you. Please call him, Alb. Perhaps you won't "go back to the way you were" but perhaps, not it will be much better. Perhaps there will be a new clarity in your interchanges, and you can create a safe place for the both of you to speak your truth, and maybe this time, not to hold it in for so long before it bursts out. I see growth in the interchange and most importantly, a chance to improve on an already good relationship. [/QUOTE]
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