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Parent Emeritus
What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 622151" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>I am so glad you heard from difficult child! I know exactly what you mean when you describe how the questioning and picking and chaotic thinking starts. I do the same thing when I talk to my difficult child. Interacting with him on any level is just too complicated, and I hate that. I hate trying to figure out what he's *REALLY* saying, thinking/hoping maybe he is telling the truth this time, then being reminded of all the other times he's lied and how good he is at it. What is that saying in Al Anon, something about not believing anything they say and only 50% of what you see with your own eyes? That's about how much faith I have in anything difficult child says anymore, and I hate that, hate having to be like a prison guard in every interaction I have with him. I hate filtering everything I say to try to anticipate how it will affect difficult child. Will he get ticked off by something I say and go off on a bender? Will he sense a chink in my armor and try to use that to his advantage, hoping I will move my boundaries back a little bit? Every interaction becomes an uber-complicated chess match in my head, and I HATE CHESS! I have so often wished to be a fly on his wall, wherever he is. I wouldn't stay long, just long enough to see that he is ok. Then I'd just fly out the window unnoticed. But I guess nothing would change if we could do that. What you are doing right now, it's really, really hard work, trying to find the "new" natural way of interacting when what *should* be natural has turned out to not even exist. But for what it's worth, I also think you did a FANTASTIC job of navigating that minefield!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 622151, member: 17720"] I am so glad you heard from difficult child! I know exactly what you mean when you describe how the questioning and picking and chaotic thinking starts. I do the same thing when I talk to my difficult child. Interacting with him on any level is just too complicated, and I hate that. I hate trying to figure out what he's *REALLY* saying, thinking/hoping maybe he is telling the truth this time, then being reminded of all the other times he's lied and how good he is at it. What is that saying in Al Anon, something about not believing anything they say and only 50% of what you see with your own eyes? That's about how much faith I have in anything difficult child says anymore, and I hate that, hate having to be like a prison guard in every interaction I have with him. I hate filtering everything I say to try to anticipate how it will affect difficult child. Will he get ticked off by something I say and go off on a bender? Will he sense a chink in my armor and try to use that to his advantage, hoping I will move my boundaries back a little bit? Every interaction becomes an uber-complicated chess match in my head, and I HATE CHESS! I have so often wished to be a fly on his wall, wherever he is. I wouldn't stay long, just long enough to see that he is ok. Then I'd just fly out the window unnoticed. But I guess nothing would change if we could do that. What you are doing right now, it's really, really hard work, trying to find the "new" natural way of interacting when what *should* be natural has turned out to not even exist. But for what it's worth, I also think you did a FANTASTIC job of navigating that minefield! [/QUOTE]
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