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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 622558" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>That is true, Recovering. But lately, I have been thinking that what they do ~ whichever they it is this time...how does that matter, to me? I expect good things. Life is chaotic, strange, all about the storyline. All about the storyline, Recovering. (That's Pema.) :O) After this last few days with difficult child daughter, I think it is important that I work some more on myself. That is where the change needs to happen. I want to respect myself enough that no one ~ not my kids, not my mom or sister ~ can casually disrespect me without a reaction. The reaction should be: I felt that was rude. Do you feel that was rude? When I did that with my mom on husband's behalf, she hung up. </p><p></p><p>Her choice.</p><p></p><p>She could have made a different choice.</p><p></p><p>Not in my power, to change how she chooses to respond. But I do see that her response had no connection to my own tender, vulnerable heart.</p><p></p><p>It was just her response.</p><p></p><p>My business is to comment on rudeness, or on things I find inappropriate. As it is here on the site, we do clarify our issues. We are honest with one another. Sometimes, we are angry and that spills over. If one of us were consistently inappropriate, that would be understood, and our reactions would reflect that.</p><p></p><p>It is an exercise in learning my own voice, to speak in that way. I admired COM's ability to be honest with her son. I want to be that way, with mine. I go too far the other way, I think. What I told him was that I expected him to become the man I raised him to be. I wish I had been kinder, gentler, more honest. I sort of shut communication down. I do not know yet how to be honest without being a little defensive, I think. </p><p></p><p>Arrogance is never attractive. </p><p></p><p>That is what I meant, when I posted that old resentments come flaring out even though we cannot see it that way at the time. We are being so much nicer than we feel!</p><p></p><p>I wish I had been kinder. But that's okay. I can see how I want to go, so that will be a guideline for me in future.</p><p></p><p>Speaking of setting boundaries? I have been doing that very thing with husband this evening.</p><p></p><p>That is why I am on the site after 5:30.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 622558, member: 17461"] That is true, Recovering. But lately, I have been thinking that what they do ~ whichever they it is this time...how does that matter, to me? I expect good things. Life is chaotic, strange, all about the storyline. All about the storyline, Recovering. (That's Pema.) :O) After this last few days with difficult child daughter, I think it is important that I work some more on myself. That is where the change needs to happen. I want to respect myself enough that no one ~ not my kids, not my mom or sister ~ can casually disrespect me without a reaction. The reaction should be: I felt that was rude. Do you feel that was rude? When I did that with my mom on husband's behalf, she hung up. Her choice. She could have made a different choice. Not in my power, to change how she chooses to respond. But I do see that her response had no connection to my own tender, vulnerable heart. It was just her response. My business is to comment on rudeness, or on things I find inappropriate. As it is here on the site, we do clarify our issues. We are honest with one another. Sometimes, we are angry and that spills over. If one of us were consistently inappropriate, that would be understood, and our reactions would reflect that. It is an exercise in learning my own voice, to speak in that way. I admired COM's ability to be honest with her son. I want to be that way, with mine. I go too far the other way, I think. What I told him was that I expected him to become the man I raised him to be. I wish I had been kinder, gentler, more honest. I sort of shut communication down. I do not know yet how to be honest without being a little defensive, I think. Arrogance is never attractive. That is what I meant, when I posted that old resentments come flaring out even though we cannot see it that way at the time. We are being so much nicer than we feel! I wish I had been kinder. But that's okay. I can see how I want to go, so that will be a guideline for me in future. Speaking of setting boundaries? I have been doing that very thing with husband this evening. That is why I am on the site after 5:30. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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