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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 622950" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Cedar, I am cautiously optimistic. Very, very cautiously. That is for me. He does seem rueful and his facial expressions are wry. Do you know what i mean? It is like he is starting to get it. He is starting to be more truthful. I don't know. I don't want to get too invested in what he is thinking, feeling, and doing. That is up to him. If I start thinking about that too much, it isn't good for me. </p><p></p><p>I want to keep the focus on myself.</p><p></p><p>I wanted to give you another update on him because he called Saturday and wanted to know if he could come over and see if his car would start. He is going to put his car on Craigslist and sell it and then buy something cheaper. </p><p></p><p>He walked over here and SO and I were working the yard, beautiful day, so he ended up helping SO pull a big bush out that had roots to China! He had to hook it to the truck and pull it out and even then there was a lot of digging and chopping of big roots. They worked together about an hour and a half. I left them alone and did my own thing.</p><p></p><p>But it was so good to look over there and see him. See him working hard and talking to SO. : )</p><p></p><p>Then we all three went down to where his car is being stored in a fenced area in my neighborhood and worked for a while to try to start it. SO is really good with cars but it would not start. They talked about next steps.</p><p></p><p>Then we came back to the house and he took a shower and I made him a pbj sandwich and then I took him to the library about 4:30. That was the hard part for me, knowing that he had nowhere to stay that night. Ugh.</p><p></p><p>But I did okay. I was able to put it aside and SO and I went out to eat and we were thankfully so so tired that we both slept great and long. </p><p></p><p>Physical work helps me so much to manage my emotions. </p><p></p><p>difficult child seemed quieter, more humble, more mature. I don't want to read too much into it but we talked about his plans to get his taxes done, the car, a job, a place to live. He has a lot to do today if he does all of the things we talked about. He also said he is going back to the SA to see if he can stay there in the meantime. (I don't get WHY he hasn't done that already, but when I said that to SO, he smiled wryly. I guess it's because they drug-test them, right? That's me talking.) But you know what? that is none of my business. I'm not going to start getting into his business. </p><p></p><p>If he knows he will be drug tested or if he was and they turned him down, that's his deal. I am just working to stay focused on me, to say yes to reasonable things (always defining what is reasonable?) and to try to forge some kind of relationship with him as he walks on this road. I'm not going to walk it with him. I used to. </p><p></p><p>Yesterday I wanted to call/text him and say I have your coat washed. I bought you some socks. Want to come get them? But I didn't. I did both of those things and I am just waiting. </p><p></p><p>SO said I saw where Captain D's is hiring kitchen help, all three shifts. Do you think you should FB message difficult child and tell him? I said no. </p><p></p><p>It was good to see him Friday and Saturday both, but I need to go slow. I am being very careful with myself and with him. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for all of your support and care. It helps!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 622950, member: 17542"] Cedar, I am cautiously optimistic. Very, very cautiously. That is for me. He does seem rueful and his facial expressions are wry. Do you know what i mean? It is like he is starting to get it. He is starting to be more truthful. I don't know. I don't want to get too invested in what he is thinking, feeling, and doing. That is up to him. If I start thinking about that too much, it isn't good for me. I want to keep the focus on myself. I wanted to give you another update on him because he called Saturday and wanted to know if he could come over and see if his car would start. He is going to put his car on Craigslist and sell it and then buy something cheaper. He walked over here and SO and I were working the yard, beautiful day, so he ended up helping SO pull a big bush out that had roots to China! He had to hook it to the truck and pull it out and even then there was a lot of digging and chopping of big roots. They worked together about an hour and a half. I left them alone and did my own thing. But it was so good to look over there and see him. See him working hard and talking to SO. : ) Then we all three went down to where his car is being stored in a fenced area in my neighborhood and worked for a while to try to start it. SO is really good with cars but it would not start. They talked about next steps. Then we came back to the house and he took a shower and I made him a pbj sandwich and then I took him to the library about 4:30. That was the hard part for me, knowing that he had nowhere to stay that night. Ugh. But I did okay. I was able to put it aside and SO and I went out to eat and we were thankfully so so tired that we both slept great and long. Physical work helps me so much to manage my emotions. difficult child seemed quieter, more humble, more mature. I don't want to read too much into it but we talked about his plans to get his taxes done, the car, a job, a place to live. He has a lot to do today if he does all of the things we talked about. He also said he is going back to the SA to see if he can stay there in the meantime. (I don't get WHY he hasn't done that already, but when I said that to SO, he smiled wryly. I guess it's because they drug-test them, right? That's me talking.) But you know what? that is none of my business. I'm not going to start getting into his business. If he knows he will be drug tested or if he was and they turned him down, that's his deal. I am just working to stay focused on me, to say yes to reasonable things (always defining what is reasonable?) and to try to forge some kind of relationship with him as he walks on this road. I'm not going to walk it with him. I used to. Yesterday I wanted to call/text him and say I have your coat washed. I bought you some socks. Want to come get them? But I didn't. I did both of those things and I am just waiting. SO said I saw where Captain D's is hiring kitchen help, all three shifts. Do you think you should FB message difficult child and tell him? I said no. It was good to see him Friday and Saturday both, but I need to go slow. I am being very careful with myself and with him. Thanks for all of your support and care. It helps! [/QUOTE]
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