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Parent Emeritus
What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 623947" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Oh my COM. I read your sons letter. I am so sorry.</p><p></p><p>To give you a little perspective, my 41 year old daughter would be saying and asking the exact same things. They are very good at shining on any responsibility, expertly shifting blame, avoiding the whole truth with snippets designed to impact YOU with his 'hunger pain'. It's a very well practiced script COM and in the past, your part of that script was memorized. Now you wrote yourself a new script but you still know the lines to the old one. The thing about the new script is, it is improvisational, you show up, you pay attention, you tell the truth and you detach from the outcome. Way different from responding in ways we think we should. Improv gives you the freedom to be in the moment and respond with your truth, from your heart.</p><p></p><p>It is a minor setback. He is throwing out all the lines that have worked in the past. You are not falling for them. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt while you change. But, change is exactly what you are doing. No good will come out of you bailing him out, or you talking to his PO, or you doing anything. </p><p></p><p>It's good for me to read your son's letter to you. It's easier for me to see the manipulation, the guilting of you, the use of your love for his immediate needs. It's very cunning. Our kids are so damn smart. My daughter's IQ is off the charts. I just wish she would use all that brain power for good rather then to get what she wants and needs by exerting her expert manipulation skill. </p><p></p><p>COM, I am continually impressed by your remarkable commitment and your steadfast intention to change this connection with your son. What carried me through was my own commitment to myself and my intention to change. One day at a time. </p><p></p><p>You've got all of the tools at your fingertips and you know how and when to use them. You have what you need. You have the deep commitment. You have the strength. You have the courage. You have the support. You have the spiritual background. You have it all. You are one strong, amazing spiritual warrior. I respect how you are going through all of this COM.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. As you said, tomorrow you will feel better. And, the next day even better. Choose peace. Choose life. Choose joy. I am right there with you. And, COM? From one of your peeps........MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 623947, member: 13542"] Oh my COM. I read your sons letter. I am so sorry. To give you a little perspective, my 41 year old daughter would be saying and asking the exact same things. They are very good at shining on any responsibility, expertly shifting blame, avoiding the whole truth with snippets designed to impact YOU with his 'hunger pain'. It's a very well practiced script COM and in the past, your part of that script was memorized. Now you wrote yourself a new script but you still know the lines to the old one. The thing about the new script is, it is improvisational, you show up, you pay attention, you tell the truth and you detach from the outcome. Way different from responding in ways we think we should. Improv gives you the freedom to be in the moment and respond with your truth, from your heart. It is a minor setback. He is throwing out all the lines that have worked in the past. You are not falling for them. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt while you change. But, change is exactly what you are doing. No good will come out of you bailing him out, or you talking to his PO, or you doing anything. It's good for me to read your son's letter to you. It's easier for me to see the manipulation, the guilting of you, the use of your love for his immediate needs. It's very cunning. Our kids are so damn smart. My daughter's IQ is off the charts. I just wish she would use all that brain power for good rather then to get what she wants and needs by exerting her expert manipulation skill. COM, I am continually impressed by your remarkable commitment and your steadfast intention to change this connection with your son. What carried me through was my own commitment to myself and my intention to change. One day at a time. You've got all of the tools at your fingertips and you know how and when to use them. You have what you need. You have the deep commitment. You have the strength. You have the courage. You have the support. You have the spiritual background. You have it all. You are one strong, amazing spiritual warrior. I respect how you are going through all of this COM. Hang in there. As you said, tomorrow you will feel better. And, the next day even better. Choose peace. Choose life. Choose joy. I am right there with you. And, COM? From one of your peeps........MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!! [/QUOTE]
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