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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Stress Bunny" data-source="post: 623975" data-attributes="member: 4855"><p>COM, it's very helpful that you posted his communication with you, as it gives us a picture of his thought processes. </p><p></p><p>The content of the letter reveals very little personal responsibility for his situation. His view seems to be that these events are unfairly happening to him, as he does not acknowledge his role. The only statement in the entire letter that indicates any responsibility is the very last line, where he states he is sorry. Nothing in his letter backs up that statement, though. Most of the letter revolves around what he wants and needs from others in order to get out of his present undesirable situation.</p><p></p><p>COM, our oldest difficult child was just recently jailed, and we posted bail this time (required him to pay us back immediately), and the first thing he said (like always when he gets in trouble) is "I just want to say I'm sorry." He said this right after husband posted bail and picked him up to take him home from the jail. But it is a robotic and empty statement. He doesn't really mean it. He just tries to say what he thinks he should say in order to get what he wants from us. He uses us. When he doesn't get what he wants, he tries the guilt and blame and berate tactics. Sorry is as sorry does, and let me tell you, our difficult child is not truly sorry. I know this because he justifies and rationalizes every poor choice he makes and continues to make them. He is only "sorry" when he wants something.</p><p></p><p>Your son is playing the sympathy card with you right now, hoping you will do things to save him from facing the full consequences of his actions. I am sorry that you are going through this. It certainly betrays our instincts as parents to refuse "help" to our kids. But remember that talking to his PO or posting bail is not really helping him at all. If you really want to help him, you need to set boundaries with him so that his problems remain his problems and not your problems. In the short run, this may be difficult, but in the long run, you will have done everything you can to provide real help to your son.</p><p></p><p>Great job recognizing the manipulation and stopping the enabling.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting, as we're all here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Stress Bunny, post: 623975, member: 4855"] COM, it's very helpful that you posted his communication with you, as it gives us a picture of his thought processes. The content of the letter reveals very little personal responsibility for his situation. His view seems to be that these events are unfairly happening to him, as he does not acknowledge his role. The only statement in the entire letter that indicates any responsibility is the very last line, where he states he is sorry. Nothing in his letter backs up that statement, though. Most of the letter revolves around what he wants and needs from others in order to get out of his present undesirable situation. COM, our oldest difficult child was just recently jailed, and we posted bail this time (required him to pay us back immediately), and the first thing he said (like always when he gets in trouble) is "I just want to say I'm sorry." He said this right after husband posted bail and picked him up to take him home from the jail. But it is a robotic and empty statement. He doesn't really mean it. He just tries to say what he thinks he should say in order to get what he wants from us. He uses us. When he doesn't get what he wants, he tries the guilt and blame and berate tactics. Sorry is as sorry does, and let me tell you, our difficult child is not truly sorry. I know this because he justifies and rationalizes every poor choice he makes and continues to make them. He is only "sorry" when he wants something. Your son is playing the sympathy card with you right now, hoping you will do things to save him from facing the full consequences of his actions. I am sorry that you are going through this. It certainly betrays our instincts as parents to refuse "help" to our kids. But remember that talking to his PO or posting bail is not really helping him at all. If you really want to help him, you need to set boundaries with him so that his problems remain his problems and not your problems. In the short run, this may be difficult, but in the long run, you will have done everything you can to provide real help to your son. Great job recognizing the manipulation and stopping the enabling. Keep posting, as we're all here for you. [/QUOTE]
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