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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 623986" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh, I love you guys. Every one of you has something I need to hear and want to hear. Thank you. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I relapse over and over and over. It is so humbling, and it gives me just a taste of what it must be like for people who are truly in recovery. Yep, circles, and if this, then that, wait, what? Good or bad, no grays. That is sick thinking and I even recognize it when I do it. That is where these practices like Cedar posted from Pema Chodron, can interrupt our own sick thinking. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I will get that book, Carri! I am big book person and I have about five books right now, all in various states of being read, to help me. Tools. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Don't hesitate to post to me, MWM. I love your straight talk. Yep, you are so so right. He has to know I can't hardly hear that he is hungry, that anybody is hungry, even when I am screaming BS! I recently found out that he can eat 3 free meals a day weekdays and two free meals a day weekends. All of the weekday places are within two miles of each other. Weekends are a bit more spread out. Plus he got food stamps but he has to get a drug evaluation. after the first amount of food stamps and who know whether he has done that or not. It's very interesting that anyplace that drug tests, he doesn't take what they offer. Hmmm....</p><p></p><p>Like I told, SO, rather than steal from Wal-mart (I mean really? They probably have more cameras than Fort Knox and they prosecute every single time I'm told. Plain stupid. He was probably high. Who knows?) why don't you stand on the corner with your handout and collect $5 in 10 minutes and then buy something to eat if you're so hungry? Whatever. I can spend hours retracing his bad decisions...to what end? </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes it is, and you know MWM, I don't know if I ever want to be in the place where I don't feel the pain of this. Will I even still be alive at that point? Though, a little less pain would be nice. (lol).</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I LOVE THIS! I am going to ask him this on the next postcard. I sat down last night and wrote a postcard (jail only accepts postcards now, no letters, so i went to the PO and bought 10 and they are already stamped. So I wrote one last night in response to the letter. I said: I paid your $50 for April on your driver's license. You will owe $20 a month, from May on out. I am not contacting your PO. He likely read the warrant just like I did. You stole more than food. I can't even think of anything else to say to you right now. I so don't understand any of this. You have everything you need to make a good life, and yet you continuously make these choices. You have been able to choose for yourself since Feb. 14 and you choose this? Why??? I love you. Mom</p><p></p><p>It's good that there isn't too much room to write as I can tend to go on and on throwing words at things. Another Holy Coincidence. </p><p></p><p>SO and I went to get pizza last night and we drove by the PO and I dropped it in. That was cathartic for me. Writing that postcard to him has helped me move on. I slept good last night. I feel so much better today. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is such a gift to share his exact letter with you all and get your thoughts. Sometimes I can't see clearly with him. Things get muddled very quickly. I am better, but keeping the distance between us is the only way I can stay clear about him and about me. That is so sad. But true. </p><p></p><p>And yes, he STILL does not accept responsibility. SO says that is his fundamental issue. No responsibility. No rules. He said last night, when _____ gets that, he will be on the way. </p><p></p><p>You are so right, Stress. Thank you. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, we can see others' issues so much more clearly. That is exactly why I need this tool, this board, to help me see more clearly. Otherwise, I am all over the place. Tools are the answer. </p><p></p><p>So glad you all said that the letter is vintage difficult child. No change, really. And when I think about it, why would there be? He has no program at all. </p><p></p><p>Okay I am getting to it today for now. Thank you, thank you thank you. I am so grateful for each one of you! Big hugs. Have a good day today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 623986, member: 17542"] Oh, I love you guys. Every one of you has something I need to hear and want to hear. Thank you. I relapse over and over and over. It is so humbling, and it gives me just a taste of what it must be like for people who are truly in recovery. Yep, circles, and if this, then that, wait, what? Good or bad, no grays. That is sick thinking and I even recognize it when I do it. That is where these practices like Cedar posted from Pema Chodron, can interrupt our own sick thinking. I will get that book, Carri! I am big book person and I have about five books right now, all in various states of being read, to help me. Tools. Don't hesitate to post to me, MWM. I love your straight talk. Yep, you are so so right. He has to know I can't hardly hear that he is hungry, that anybody is hungry, even when I am screaming BS! I recently found out that he can eat 3 free meals a day weekdays and two free meals a day weekends. All of the weekday places are within two miles of each other. Weekends are a bit more spread out. Plus he got food stamps but he has to get a drug evaluation. after the first amount of food stamps and who know whether he has done that or not. It's very interesting that anyplace that drug tests, he doesn't take what they offer. Hmmm.... Like I told, SO, rather than steal from Wal-mart (I mean really? They probably have more cameras than Fort Knox and they prosecute every single time I'm told. Plain stupid. He was probably high. Who knows?) why don't you stand on the corner with your handout and collect $5 in 10 minutes and then buy something to eat if you're so hungry? Whatever. I can spend hours retracing his bad decisions...to what end? Yes it is, and you know MWM, I don't know if I ever want to be in the place where I don't feel the pain of this. Will I even still be alive at that point? Though, a little less pain would be nice. (lol). I LOVE THIS! I am going to ask him this on the next postcard. I sat down last night and wrote a postcard (jail only accepts postcards now, no letters, so i went to the PO and bought 10 and they are already stamped. So I wrote one last night in response to the letter. I said: I paid your $50 for April on your driver's license. You will owe $20 a month, from May on out. I am not contacting your PO. He likely read the warrant just like I did. You stole more than food. I can't even think of anything else to say to you right now. I so don't understand any of this. You have everything you need to make a good life, and yet you continuously make these choices. You have been able to choose for yourself since Feb. 14 and you choose this? Why??? I love you. Mom It's good that there isn't too much room to write as I can tend to go on and on throwing words at things. Another Holy Coincidence. SO and I went to get pizza last night and we drove by the PO and I dropped it in. That was cathartic for me. Writing that postcard to him has helped me move on. I slept good last night. I feel so much better today. It is such a gift to share his exact letter with you all and get your thoughts. Sometimes I can't see clearly with him. Things get muddled very quickly. I am better, but keeping the distance between us is the only way I can stay clear about him and about me. That is so sad. But true. And yes, he STILL does not accept responsibility. SO says that is his fundamental issue. No responsibility. No rules. He said last night, when _____ gets that, he will be on the way. You are so right, Stress. Thank you. Yes, we can see others' issues so much more clearly. That is exactly why I need this tool, this board, to help me see more clearly. Otherwise, I am all over the place. Tools are the answer. So glad you all said that the letter is vintage difficult child. No change, really. And when I think about it, why would there be? He has no program at all. Okay I am getting to it today for now. Thank you, thank you thank you. I am so grateful for each one of you! Big hugs. Have a good day today. [/QUOTE]
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