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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 624977" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I wanted to give you all an update. I have continued to get my "sea legs" back. I am much better but I am still a bit shaky. I have been contemplating the idea that I have not accepted "what is"---I have simply detached and waited for change. </p><p></p><p>I am working on the balance between hope and expectation. I still don't know how to straddle that line.</p><p></p><p>SO and I had a busy weekend. We went out Friday night with friends, to the lake Saturday to fish in the motor home for the day, and today AlAnon, church and cleaned out garage all afternoon. </p><p></p><p>I got a letter from difficult child yesterday. Here it is: (I had written him back to the first letter---a postcard basically saying I am not calling your PO. He will see the arrest warrant like I did. You stole more than food. You had a chance to choose differently since Feb. 14 and you chose this. Why??? I love you, Mom </p><p></p><p>Letter:</p><p></p><p>I don't know what you're talking about because for one I never actually stole anything, and two, yes, I was just getting food. I need to somehow get in touch with my PO and let him hear what happened and hopefully he won't violate me. Are you seriously not going to call him? That is not much to ask...this could be the deciding factor of prison or not and you can't even be on my team for that???!!! I don't now what the report said but all I was doing was eating food because i had to eat. I had to do what I had to do. Apparently the report isn't completely accurate and I am not surprised because when the cops showed up the Walmart people said I tried to run too which also isn't true. They have video which can prove that. Please, just contact him and see what he say, tell him I'm willing to get help or anything. Please call if you care which it doesn't seem like you do lately. I feel stupid and know I shouldn't of done that but I had to do what I had to do to eat. Please call him...Please. </p><p></p><p>Oh, and is there anyway you can get my w2s out of my bag and take them to a tax place? I would appreciate it. There should be two. Thanks. </p><p></p><p>*********************</p><p></p><p>So, the insanity continues. When I read this, I just felt sick. Of course, I am not contacting the PO. That would be ridiculous on so many levels. </p><p></p><p>SO had a good suggestion: spend this week writing down all of my thoughts about the situation today and difficult child. Then, at the end of the week, consider whether I want to write him back or not. Wait. Don't do anything now. </p><p></p><p>I think that is good advice. My head is spinning with a million things to say. I am also thinking about not responding at all but there are today, so many things I want to say. </p><p></p><p>Wait is always good advice. There is no urgency to respond today. </p><p></p><p>I am still very very very tired of all of this, in a big picture way and in a day to day way. It makes me so very tired. I am going to bed now but I wanted to share this with you all.</p><p></p><p>He is doing the same thing he always does. Denies it all. Blames other people. Wants me to do things to fix it. </p><p></p><p>Nothing has changed on his end. Even though my behavior has changed a great deal. I know there is never a guarantee our difficult children will change when we change, but that is my hope. </p><p></p><p>I must, I must take any remaining focus I have on him and put it on myself. I just wonder if we truly need to not speak for a long while. That is hard to type, even. But I am wondering if that is best, first for me, and also for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 624977, member: 17542"] I wanted to give you all an update. I have continued to get my "sea legs" back. I am much better but I am still a bit shaky. I have been contemplating the idea that I have not accepted "what is"---I have simply detached and waited for change. I am working on the balance between hope and expectation. I still don't know how to straddle that line. SO and I had a busy weekend. We went out Friday night with friends, to the lake Saturday to fish in the motor home for the day, and today AlAnon, church and cleaned out garage all afternoon. I got a letter from difficult child yesterday. Here it is: (I had written him back to the first letter---a postcard basically saying I am not calling your PO. He will see the arrest warrant like I did. You stole more than food. You had a chance to choose differently since Feb. 14 and you chose this. Why??? I love you, Mom Letter: I don't know what you're talking about because for one I never actually stole anything, and two, yes, I was just getting food. I need to somehow get in touch with my PO and let him hear what happened and hopefully he won't violate me. Are you seriously not going to call him? That is not much to ask...this could be the deciding factor of prison or not and you can't even be on my team for that???!!! I don't now what the report said but all I was doing was eating food because i had to eat. I had to do what I had to do. Apparently the report isn't completely accurate and I am not surprised because when the cops showed up the Walmart people said I tried to run too which also isn't true. They have video which can prove that. Please, just contact him and see what he say, tell him I'm willing to get help or anything. Please call if you care which it doesn't seem like you do lately. I feel stupid and know I shouldn't of done that but I had to do what I had to do to eat. Please call him...Please. Oh, and is there anyway you can get my w2s out of my bag and take them to a tax place? I would appreciate it. There should be two. Thanks. ********************* So, the insanity continues. When I read this, I just felt sick. Of course, I am not contacting the PO. That would be ridiculous on so many levels. SO had a good suggestion: spend this week writing down all of my thoughts about the situation today and difficult child. Then, at the end of the week, consider whether I want to write him back or not. Wait. Don't do anything now. I think that is good advice. My head is spinning with a million things to say. I am also thinking about not responding at all but there are today, so many things I want to say. Wait is always good advice. There is no urgency to respond today. I am still very very very tired of all of this, in a big picture way and in a day to day way. It makes me so very tired. I am going to bed now but I wanted to share this with you all. He is doing the same thing he always does. Denies it all. Blames other people. Wants me to do things to fix it. Nothing has changed on his end. Even though my behavior has changed a great deal. I know there is never a guarantee our difficult children will change when we change, but that is my hope. I must, I must take any remaining focus I have on him and put it on myself. I just wonder if we truly need to not speak for a long while. That is hard to type, even. But I am wondering if that is best, first for me, and also for him. [/QUOTE]
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