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What's happening to me in detachment...
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 625063" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Yes, I recognize that. That is what I am doing as well. Waiting for change. Which isn't coming. If change is what I want should I be doing something? What? If acceptance is what I want...I don't know how to do that. I think I have been practicing tolerance and patience, not acceptance.</p><p></p><p>That is one hard letter to read. It jumps out at me that he is more desperate now because he can't believe you aren't going to step in...he is escalating in tone, as you and I have witnessed so many other difficult child's doing in these pages. When some one else's difficult child does it it is easier to see, and we can be reassuring, calming. When ours do it....so very hard. Those are hard letters to read.</p><p></p><p>I completely agree with you that there is no value whatsoever in calling the PO. I seriously doubt that are interested in or will put any weight on a call from a mom of a 24 year old. </p><p></p><p>Your oft repeated stand that doing nothing is often best is exactly right here, as you note. Pause. There is no rush. Do nothing. </p><p></p><p>Your SO's suggestion of journalling is a very good one. </p><p></p><p>And, Child? Post every day. I find that so so useful when I feel I am being swept away, when the ground becomes unstable, when my uncertainty and instability rises. Its like journalling only different. </p><p></p><p>It was good for me to take 2+ months off from any contact with difficult child. I needed that space to rest and to heal. What will happen with your difficult child will happen, whether you intervene or not. The rules of law and court will role on without you. You can choose to pause and rest now, if now is the right time for that. The door to that choice is always open.</p><p></p><p>That said, I don't always (ever???) learn from my own lessons. difficult child is around again...telling me he is going to AA daily, that he is clean, that he has a caseworker. Does he? Is he? Who knows. SAturday he came and helped do spring cleaning on our roofdeck, then did his laundry, then fell asleep watching TV (I woke him and he left at night). Sunday he came over for dinner (as planned) and popped right upstairs to watch TV as though he lived with me. Both days I was drained and irritable when he left. Both my younger sons noted and commented on it..one to say that he also felt drained (that was Saturday) and one to say that he saw what happened with me, and that he was sorry...that he realized then how difficult child always drained me. But...if he is straight and trying, should I help? I don't want to drift into "and then I hang out at mom's all weekend and do my laundry" </p><p></p><p>My plan for now, Child...you got it !!! Do nothing for a bit! I am travelling for work as well as going to visit my daughter at college a lot these next few weeks. He can't crowd me from a distance. No need to do anything now. I will wait.</p><p></p><p>You can too.</p><p></p><p>Holding you tight in my thoughts and in my heart,</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 625063, member: 17269"] Yes, I recognize that. That is what I am doing as well. Waiting for change. Which isn't coming. If change is what I want should I be doing something? What? If acceptance is what I want...I don't know how to do that. I think I have been practicing tolerance and patience, not acceptance. That is one hard letter to read. It jumps out at me that he is more desperate now because he can't believe you aren't going to step in...he is escalating in tone, as you and I have witnessed so many other difficult child's doing in these pages. When some one else's difficult child does it it is easier to see, and we can be reassuring, calming. When ours do it....so very hard. Those are hard letters to read. I completely agree with you that there is no value whatsoever in calling the PO. I seriously doubt that are interested in or will put any weight on a call from a mom of a 24 year old. Your oft repeated stand that doing nothing is often best is exactly right here, as you note. Pause. There is no rush. Do nothing. Your SO's suggestion of journalling is a very good one. And, Child? Post every day. I find that so so useful when I feel I am being swept away, when the ground becomes unstable, when my uncertainty and instability rises. Its like journalling only different. It was good for me to take 2+ months off from any contact with difficult child. I needed that space to rest and to heal. What will happen with your difficult child will happen, whether you intervene or not. The rules of law and court will role on without you. You can choose to pause and rest now, if now is the right time for that. The door to that choice is always open. That said, I don't always (ever???) learn from my own lessons. difficult child is around again...telling me he is going to AA daily, that he is clean, that he has a caseworker. Does he? Is he? Who knows. SAturday he came and helped do spring cleaning on our roofdeck, then did his laundry, then fell asleep watching TV (I woke him and he left at night). Sunday he came over for dinner (as planned) and popped right upstairs to watch TV as though he lived with me. Both days I was drained and irritable when he left. Both my younger sons noted and commented on it..one to say that he also felt drained (that was Saturday) and one to say that he saw what happened with me, and that he was sorry...that he realized then how difficult child always drained me. But...if he is straight and trying, should I help? I don't want to drift into "and then I hang out at mom's all weekend and do my laundry" My plan for now, Child...you got it !!! Do nothing for a bit! I am travelling for work as well as going to visit my daughter at college a lot these next few weeks. He can't crowd me from a distance. No need to do anything now. I will wait. You can too. Holding you tight in my thoughts and in my heart, Echo [/QUOTE]
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