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What's the underline issue?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 628520" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Deborah, I am not well-versed at all about sexual abuse, but here is my take on your post:</p><p></p><p>Clear and simple: if your son is a drug addict or alcoholic, that is a primary diagnosis. There doesn't have to be and often there is not an underlying issue. Addiction is all there is and all there needs to be.</p><p></p><p>Of course, people have multiple issues, and perhaps your son has been hurt by other acts or situations. </p><p></p><p>None of that is an excuse for continued addiction. If he is an addict, he will first have to get treatment for that before he can be treated for other problems. That is not me saying that---that is the professionals. </p><p></p><p>I used to agonize of whether difficult child was depressed or anxious or if there was a co-occurring disorder that was the CAUSE of his addiction. I spent hours parsing this, back and forth. </p><p></p><p>Doesn't matter. Unless and until he can get treatment for his addiction---that includes physical treatment and emotional/mental treatment to change his thinking and behavior even when he is drug-free---there is no way to effectively treat the other issues he has, if any.</p><p></p><p>That is why there are many places that treat co-occurring disorders, i.e., depression and addiction, bipolar and addiction, etc. </p><p></p><p>Sorting this all out in your own mind is important because otherwise, you just spin and spin and spin, feeling guilty about who you married, guilty about getting a divorce, maybe THAT caused it, etc. etc. </p><p></p><p>You aren't that powerful. You can't cause a person to be an addict or to get sober. </p><p></p><p>Life is full of hard things. The question is: what do we, and what to they, do when we are faced with the hard things? Do we run out and take pills or shoot up heroin or smoke pot or drink a 40----in order to cope? Obviously, those acts is never going to help us deal with the problems we have. </p><p></p><p>It just delays the inevitable. Or some people just self-medicate for years and for the rest of their lives. It is their decision and their choice and their responsibility to choose to stop or to continue.</p><p></p><p>It's a tough realization for us, but a necessary one. Because once we start to unpack this Pandora's box, then we can sort out whose is whose and start to focus on ourselves, and THAT is the best thing and the first step for us.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for you today. We care here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 628520, member: 17542"] Deborah, I am not well-versed at all about sexual abuse, but here is my take on your post: Clear and simple: if your son is a drug addict or alcoholic, that is a primary diagnosis. There doesn't have to be and often there is not an underlying issue. Addiction is all there is and all there needs to be. Of course, people have multiple issues, and perhaps your son has been hurt by other acts or situations. None of that is an excuse for continued addiction. If he is an addict, he will first have to get treatment for that before he can be treated for other problems. That is not me saying that---that is the professionals. I used to agonize of whether difficult child was depressed or anxious or if there was a co-occurring disorder that was the CAUSE of his addiction. I spent hours parsing this, back and forth. Doesn't matter. Unless and until he can get treatment for his addiction---that includes physical treatment and emotional/mental treatment to change his thinking and behavior even when he is drug-free---there is no way to effectively treat the other issues he has, if any. That is why there are many places that treat co-occurring disorders, i.e., depression and addiction, bipolar and addiction, etc. Sorting this all out in your own mind is important because otherwise, you just spin and spin and spin, feeling guilty about who you married, guilty about getting a divorce, maybe THAT caused it, etc. etc. You aren't that powerful. You can't cause a person to be an addict or to get sober. Life is full of hard things. The question is: what do we, and what to they, do when we are faced with the hard things? Do we run out and take pills or shoot up heroin or smoke pot or drink a 40----in order to cope? Obviously, those acts is never going to help us deal with the problems we have. It just delays the inevitable. Or some people just self-medicate for years and for the rest of their lives. It is their decision and their choice and their responsibility to choose to stop or to continue. It's a tough realization for us, but a necessary one. Because once we start to unpack this Pandora's box, then we can sort out whose is whose and start to focus on ourselves, and THAT is the best thing and the first step for us. Hugs for you today. We care here. [/QUOTE]
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