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Parent Emeritus
When are we assuming too much?
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 621581" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Hmmm.</p><p></p><p>I have to say, I seek advice here and I give advice here. I don't hear the advice offered me as final, and I don't intend mine as absolute either. It is just a community of people sharing experience and opinions. </p><p></p><p>I think if you read carefully that the message is consistent: you can't control some one else's life, and you do young adults no favors when you try to do so. They have to take responsibility for their own choices. I think that is true....across the board. And I think that lesson really can't be learned too young. Whether that translates into withdrawing financial or emotional support, or having them leave home....that of course will vary with age, relationship, locale, acuity, and everything else.</p><p></p><p>I am OK with the advice giving as is. We can't control the actions of our difficult child's...we definitely can't control what readers do with what we say. Trying to do that would take away a lot of the value of this exchange. We are all honest here, and we all respect each other here. Those are incredibly important assets that I would like to see preserved.</p><p></p><p>As far as the difficult child who posted...I was one of the ones who answered her in ways that may have seemed harsh. To my mind she was failing to respect boundaries, as difficult child's do, by posting on a site that is "a soft haven for weary parents". The soft place for difficult child's kinda has to be elsewhere.</p><p></p><p>I think you were brave to bring this up, and it is worth thinking over. That is just my 2 cents !</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 621581, member: 17269"] Hmmm. I have to say, I seek advice here and I give advice here. I don't hear the advice offered me as final, and I don't intend mine as absolute either. It is just a community of people sharing experience and opinions. I think if you read carefully that the message is consistent: you can't control some one else's life, and you do young adults no favors when you try to do so. They have to take responsibility for their own choices. I think that is true....across the board. And I think that lesson really can't be learned too young. Whether that translates into withdrawing financial or emotional support, or having them leave home....that of course will vary with age, relationship, locale, acuity, and everything else. I am OK with the advice giving as is. We can't control the actions of our difficult child's...we definitely can't control what readers do with what we say. Trying to do that would take away a lot of the value of this exchange. We are all honest here, and we all respect each other here. Those are incredibly important assets that I would like to see preserved. As far as the difficult child who posted...I was one of the ones who answered her in ways that may have seemed harsh. To my mind she was failing to respect boundaries, as difficult child's do, by posting on a site that is "a soft haven for weary parents". The soft place for difficult child's kinda has to be elsewhere. I think you were brave to bring this up, and it is worth thinking over. That is just my 2 cents ! Echo [/QUOTE]
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When are we assuming too much?
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