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General Parenting
When Do You Let Go
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 730294" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think the answer is yes.</p><p></p><p>Yes, this frequently continues and worsens.</p><p></p><p>Yes, we have no control.</p><p></p><p>Yes, whatever we do often does not work.</p><p></p><p>Yes, we feel we have done all we can.</p><p></p><p>Yes we give up and/or detach.</p><p></p><p>Yes, we deal with situations where their accepting treatment or not is beyond our control and their distorted thinking seems to thwart any chance of their improving.</p><p></p><p>Yes. They latch on to and continue destructive behaviors and ways of thinking despite our urgings, that worsen their and our lives.</p><p></p><p>But you know what? I believe that a continuum of this exists at one point or another for every child and parent.</p><p></p><p>It seems to me based on my own life, that there is a spiraling through all of these states. As we learn. As they do. As their lives as they have been destined to be become manifest and we and they deal with what has been manifested. And then we realize yet again how little control we really do have.</p><p></p><p>Each of these cycles allows, demands a choice by us and them. And then over and over again seems to allow, demand new choices. Sometimes these contradict or reinforce what has gone before. Other times, a new beginning is afforded.</p><p></p><p>Whether we choose to stay closer or make distance is always possible at any turn. A thousand or more variables determine what we choose.</p><p></p><p>I truly believe that at 15 there is no reason to believe that your son will not be stabilized.</p><p></p><p>Yes. Due to genetics or circumstances, temperament or character, he may not respond while he is in your care. But by adopting the mindset that he is inexorably going down the tubes you help create the result you fear. All of us do this to one extent or another. The challenge is to stay present in hope and flexibility.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 730294, member: 18958"] I think the answer is yes. Yes, this frequently continues and worsens. Yes, we have no control. Yes, whatever we do often does not work. Yes, we feel we have done all we can. Yes we give up and/or detach. Yes, we deal with situations where their accepting treatment or not is beyond our control and their distorted thinking seems to thwart any chance of their improving. Yes. They latch on to and continue destructive behaviors and ways of thinking despite our urgings, that worsen their and our lives. But you know what? I believe that a continuum of this exists at one point or another for every child and parent. It seems to me based on my own life, that there is a spiraling through all of these states. As we learn. As they do. As their lives as they have been destined to be become manifest and we and they deal with what has been manifested. And then we realize yet again how little control we really do have. Each of these cycles allows, demands a choice by us and them. And then over and over again seems to allow, demand new choices. Sometimes these contradict or reinforce what has gone before. Other times, a new beginning is afforded. Whether we choose to stay closer or make distance is always possible at any turn. A thousand or more variables determine what we choose. I truly believe that at 15 there is no reason to believe that your son will not be stabilized. Yes. Due to genetics or circumstances, temperament or character, he may not respond while he is in your care. But by adopting the mindset that he is inexorably going down the tubes you help create the result you fear. All of us do this to one extent or another. The challenge is to stay present in hope and flexibility. [/QUOTE]
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