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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 647832" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Did you ever join an adoptive parent group? Your social worker should know of one. In our case (and we live in the boondocks) the group was just one town over and the social workers actually facilitated it. At our very worst, we were able to find comfort and solace and practical, good, no-nonsense advice from other adoptive parents who had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids and were in various stages of angst. It was good to feel understood and validated. And to k now that it was not our fault...that the kids who came with so many issues already in their little minds...we had inherited what we had nothing to do with. It was not our house, our parenting, our influence...it was just that love doesn't conquer all and that some kids are so damaged by the time we get them that they are afraid of love, act worse when they feel it, don't want "family" to be too close, and can do the most horrible things because they are hurt so badly. WE also had to face that some children can not be healed and that this too is not our faults. We learned to protect ourselves and our other children from dangerous chidlren. We learned how to put alarms and cameras in our home to monitor children. We learned a lifetime we would not have known had we not joined this group.</p><p></p><p>The group was about an hour away, but it was well worth the drive. When we were crumbling, they picked us up. They helped with our children, whom the one kid had hurt. They were our lifeline. They understood. I understand. I get what you are going through. I can not tell you what you should do about it, but I can care about you and hope and pray for your situation.</p><p></p><p>Few of us know what we are getting into when we take in older children who have already been battered and abused and most of us feel that if we just love them enough they will get better. And, of course, most people do not deal with the extent of sickness we did with our child I call psychokid. It's not n ice, I know, but I made it up when he had just gone from our home and it stuck and it, sadly, best describes him. He was and is a danger to anyone who trusts him. He spent years in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but did not learn anything from it. His social worker kept in touch and said he was always looking for the next victim to pick on, tease, steal from or, yes, sexually touch. And they were all boys in his lockdown facility. Boys, girls...he didn't care which. Now he is on the streets as an adult (shudder). Some people do best with structure and monitoring. Some do not do well once they are released from that, even if they did great with structure. It is impossible to guess in advance.</p><p></p><p>I hope things go better for you, but remember not to ever trust either alone with your girls or even with nieces or neighborhood children. That is if they allow him home. I don't think they ever would have allowed psychokid to come back, even if we had wanted it. They were concerned about the victims, the younger two.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 647832, member: 1550"] Did you ever join an adoptive parent group? Your social worker should know of one. In our case (and we live in the boondocks) the group was just one town over and the social workers actually facilitated it. At our very worst, we were able to find comfort and solace and practical, good, no-nonsense advice from other adoptive parents who had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids and were in various stages of angst. It was good to feel understood and validated. And to k now that it was not our fault...that the kids who came with so many issues already in their little minds...we had inherited what we had nothing to do with. It was not our house, our parenting, our influence...it was just that love doesn't conquer all and that some kids are so damaged by the time we get them that they are afraid of love, act worse when they feel it, don't want "family" to be too close, and can do the most horrible things because they are hurt so badly. WE also had to face that some children can not be healed and that this too is not our faults. We learned to protect ourselves and our other children from dangerous chidlren. We learned how to put alarms and cameras in our home to monitor children. We learned a lifetime we would not have known had we not joined this group. The group was about an hour away, but it was well worth the drive. When we were crumbling, they picked us up. They helped with our children, whom the one kid had hurt. They were our lifeline. They understood. I understand. I get what you are going through. I can not tell you what you should do about it, but I can care about you and hope and pray for your situation. Few of us know what we are getting into when we take in older children who have already been battered and abused and most of us feel that if we just love them enough they will get better. And, of course, most people do not deal with the extent of sickness we did with our child I call psychokid. It's not n ice, I know, but I made it up when he had just gone from our home and it stuck and it, sadly, best describes him. He was and is a danger to anyone who trusts him. He spent years in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but did not learn anything from it. His social worker kept in touch and said he was always looking for the next victim to pick on, tease, steal from or, yes, sexually touch. And they were all boys in his lockdown facility. Boys, girls...he didn't care which. Now he is on the streets as an adult (shudder). Some people do best with structure and monitoring. Some do not do well once they are released from that, even if they did great with structure. It is impossible to guess in advance. I hope things go better for you, but remember not to ever trust either alone with your girls or even with nieces or neighborhood children. That is if they allow him home. I don't think they ever would have allowed psychokid to come back, even if we had wanted it. They were concerned about the victims, the younger two. [/QUOTE]
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